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The first blonde GUY joke ... and well worth the wait!
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
Are you ready for it....................
Its worth the wait ...........................
Here it comes ................................
"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "he makes his own lunch."
Count Dracula is on the prowl in London. He spends the night
drinking Bloody Mary's in various clubs and biting on
unsuspecting women's necks.
He is heading for home, wandering along Argyle Street sometime
before sunrise. Suddenly he is hit on the back of the head.
He looks round and sees nothing.
He looks down and sees a small sausage roll. Mmmm, he thinks.
What's going on here.
A few yards further on and ... BANG. Smacked on the back of
the head again!
He whirls round as quick as he can, nothing. Again he looks
down and there is a small triangular sandwich lying on the
ground. How odd!!
A few yards further along the street and .... crash. Smacked
on the back of the head again!! He whirls round as quick as
he can, nothing.
He's getting really angry now. Again he looks down and there
is a cocktail sausage lying on the ground. He stands and
peers into the darkness of the night. Nothing.
He walks a few yards further on when he gets a tap on the
shoulder. With a swirl of his cape and a cloud of mist he
turns as fast as he can. He feels a sharp pain in his heart.
He falls to the ground clutching his chest, which is punctured
by a small cocktail stick laden with a chunk of cheese and a
pickle.
On the ground dying, he looks up and sees a young female.
With his dying breath he gasps, "Who are you?"
She replies
You've guessed haven't you?
"Buffet, the vampire slayer."
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
(Men never win) .
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
~
 
Jan. 18, 2004
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