1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far away something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

1. You get a movie and bait in the same store.
2. "Ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3.A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4.You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5.When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
6. There are only GIANT doctors in Florida (Every person's doctor is "The Biggest" in his field)

• 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
• 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
• 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
• 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
• 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
• 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
• 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

• 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
• 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
• 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
• 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
• 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
• 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

• 1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
• 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
• 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
• 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.