KEEP IT UNDER YOUR HAT
© 1989 by Carol Tallman Jones
Late one night while moppin' floors in Joe's Red Eye Saloon
I saw this dude in a ten-gallon hat sort'a leap across the room.
That ugly, bug-eyed, creepy dude sure as hell looked mean,
And that Stetson had the tallest crown this kid had ever seen.
He hops upon a stool and then I hear with perfect diction,
"Kentucky whiskey, Barkeep. One for me and one for my affliction."
Then he took off that mangy hat and placed it on the bar
And what I saw atop his head beat anything by far:
The biggest, fattest, horney toad that I had ever seen
was grown onto his noggin, and perched there, slimy-green.
I watch this dude pick up both shots and douse one on his head,
then gulp the other as four bug-eyes turn Kentucky blood-shot red.
I could tell 'Ol Joe was dyin' with every shot he'd serve
To hear the story behind this toad -- but couldn't find the nerve
T' ask the ugly bug-eyed dude as we hear with perfect diction,
"Barkeep! Pour one for me and one more for my affliction."
That mean dude's thick lips finally turned into a smile.
And Joe the barkeep took his chance, "I been wonderin' for a while...
"Yer affliction...tell me, sir. Just how'd it come to pass?"
With perfect diction the TOAD replied, "It began as a wart on my ass."
:-) cj
THE FROG ARE A WONDERFUL BIRD
This short essay on frogs, by a young immigrant from Norway, was reported by the Chicago Board of Education:
"What a wonderful bird the frog are. When he stand, he sit almost. When he hop, he fly almost. He ain't got no sense hardly. He ain't got no tail hardly, either, when he sit on what he ain't got almost."
-- Houston Chronicle
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©1996-2000 Carol Tallman Jones
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