TALKIN' SHEEP?

My city-slicker cousin, a ventriliquist boasts he,
came all the way from Boston to the ranch to visit me.
So I takes him out onto the range to see a cow or three
and we comes upon a sheepcamp, this ventriliquist and me.

And there a Basco herder sits with coffee on to brew
and offers us two snot-nosed pups a cup, and then a chew.
We take the cups, then watch him spit (His dog moved just in time).
And then my cousin winks and says, "That mule looks mighty fine."

He points a finger at the ass, gets up and starts to walk.
"A fine old mule like that," he says, "I'll bet that mule can talk."
The Basco gave a toothy grin and rolls his near-black eyes.
Then my cousin asks the mule, "Is this Basco pretty wise?"

And then my cousin throws his voice and makes that mule say,
"I'd think that he were smarter if he'd feed me much more hay."
The old man's eyes bugged open wide and then he squinted some.
He sniffed his coffee cup as though we'd doctored it with rum.

I gulped my half-hot coffee and held my laugh inside
and watched my orney cousin then saunter up beside
the dozin' off Blue Heeler, who before had dodged that chew.
"That there looks like a damn good dog. Can that sheepdog talk, too?"

The herder didn't say a word; first shook his bald head slow
then looks at me and shrugs, as if he really didn't know.
"How does this fellow treat you?" my cousin asks the mutt.
Then looks as if the dog replies, "He kicks me in the butt!"

The Basco scratches his bald head and wrinkles his tan brow.
"Guess yer right," he mumbles, "but he never talked till now."
I fear, but know, what's comin' next when cousin turns a heel
and spots the herder's favorite ewe hitched to the wagon wheel.

This city-slicker didn't know the temper of a Basque...
and I no way to stop the fool, sat there and watched him ask,
"That old sheep tied over there," my cousin still did mock,
"sure looks to me like one good girl. Can that old rank ewe talk?"

The Basco's face turned lilly-white. He dropped his coffee tin.
I watched his hand reach for a stick and wished us two were men.
And then that Basco herder drawls as he stokes up that fire,
"Ahh...she might say somethin' now n' then...but she's a gotdamn liar!"

:) cj

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© 1996-2001 Carol Tallman Jones -- All Rights Reserved
Drawing by LaVone Luby (author's mother, Freelance Artist, and all around good cowgirl).