SWEARIN' INNOCENCE

© 1990 by Carol Tallman Jones


I had this little red bump
right here on my chin...
Could'a been a spider bite,
or maybe a scorpion.

So I goes to see this doctor
who hands me this small jar,
says to "catch a specimen"
and bring it in tomarr'a.

There's a first time for ever'thing
like, gettin' in a fight,
goin' to see the doctor,
and stayin' out all night.

Last night I did three out of three
and I'm here waitin' bail...
but swear to you I'm innocent!
It's that doc should be in jail.

Cause I jus' didn't have the gall to ask
"a specimen of what"...
So I takes his little bottle
and I hops back in my truck

when I remembers Widow McFerhms,
who lives on my way home,
whose third husband (or was it the fourth?)
was a vet named Doctor Stone.

Third or fourth, who really cared?
She'd know them medical terms.
So bein' the idiot that I am
I stops by Widow McFerhms.

I rap on her screen door...
She throws it open wide.
"What the hell do you want?" she shouts,
"Ain't lettin' YOU inside."

I jump back to avoid that door
but light on her cat's tail.
And when them cat claws rip my hide,
"What's a specimen?" I wail.

"Piss in a bottle!" she yells
as her cat streaks cross the lawn.
"Well, go shit in lake!" shouts I...
and somehow, the fight was on.

cj

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