This is my diary of things that go on with me during the day and also my feelings for that day..It might be different than most but I am trying to work on getting myself out of a depression and on with my life..I also am trying to live with a disablity, and with this I have to learn that I can't work anymore or help my husband and this is so hard for me..So I will be adding to this when I feel the need to talk and I don't have anyone to talk with.. I also will be letting you know about my kids and hubby and new good things going on not all bad..heheh..It is my Dear Diary..
10-10-99
Wow, a whole year of hell, and now I'm writing..I think I will be delelting this whole page and starting over..so I will be making a new journal..
10-14-98
Long time no see..So much has happen so fast, I don't know where to start..The month of July and Augs. is a total blur..I had surgery again on my back..Then my hubby had very serious surgery on his neck, thanks to God he is doing so much better..I got him home from the hosptial,and got a call that same day, my dad was in ICU,(been hoping to see him for a long time and had NO idea where he was)so I dropped everything and left my hubby to the care of his mother,and off I went to the longest 7 days of my life..He passed on Augs.6,1998..Then when I got home and the day before we laid my dad to rest, we got a call that our neice was in a critical accident, and life flight to MN..so not being able to travel we had to find out everything by phone. She is recovering still from this accident, and her and her boyfriend have to live with the fact that the accident, killed two people. Then I had to take my dog, sweet loving Mack to the vet, only to have to put him to sleep in my arms..God rest him..I also was blessed with having my dad pass in my arms too..Then I was put in the hospital with uncontrolled bloodpressure, my heart, and my sugar..boy that wasn't fun at all..But today is a new day and I am writing in here, so now it is time for me to start changing my homepage and moving on with my life..My kids are doing great, my granddaughter had her first birthday..My hubby is getting better still off work, but doing so much better..I cleanned my house today for the first time in a long time, my back is paying for it, but I was able to at least do it..Thank God...The weather was hot, so we turned on our air, and I have decided for about the 100th time to come here every day a write a little..Hugs to you all, and God Bless...
0-21-98....
I am getting further and further into my depression, but I think I might put a page on here on depression and places to get help and a e-mail or a message board to help others that are going thur the same thing..I will have to think on this and see what I can get going with the help of my dear friend Tammi..Don't know if it would help others that is what I want to do...That is what makes me feel so much better..Well on to other things..My oldest son gets married in just four days, I can't sleep, eat or be happy..I don't know what is wrong with me, I guess if they acted excited as they should, and really happy that would make this old mom really happier...I am praying for strength for this Sat. and I know the Lord won't let me down. McKenzie is growing and such a happy baby..She is granny's angel from heaven, and she make us so happy...She will be seven months old this week:) Brett is winding down his high school years:(..He now has a beautiful girlfriend, that is just crazy about him, and they are going to prom so we have prom coming up and graduation after the wedding this week...Coming online helps to keep my mind off other things so I hope I don't bore you dear diary, I have a feeling I might need you more and more as things go on..Until next time:)
04-07-98....
I don't even know why I am here today, but thought for some reason I thought I needed to added something to my diary today..It hasn't been a good week and I keep telling myself to look at all the wonderful things I have, but I keep getting futher and futher away from being happy..I'm selfish, and feeling sorry for myself and don't know why or how to get out of this mess..I feel if I knew my son was really really happy with this marriage coming up, I could be happy..I hurt in my heart because I feel he is hurting in his..I ask them why they are getting married and they give me all the right reasons. They fight all the time and thing just don't seem right, but I must say in the three years they have been together they have never split up. I pray to God to show me a way to stop worring about my two boys all the time over everything..I feel I'm loosing control of my body and my emotions seem to have no end..Well that is all, see I told you I should not of written in here tonight...No one wants to come and hear bad things that I am thinking all the time..I'm sorry for wasting your time..Until a better day, God Bless..
04-04-98....
I'm writing in the morning,*giggles* Today my hubby took off work and they are moving the kids again..This time I hope they are moving for good..They are moving into a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment, thank God for low income housing..It is sad for me, but I know it is the best, I am just not sure this marriage is going to work, I shocked the kids to death, at dinner last night I just came out and ask them WHY ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED..They both gave the right answers but they sure do seem unhappy..Maybe once they have this place things will change. I have to stop worring about it and enjoy my time with my hubby..My heart sure does hurt for them, I wish I could feel good about this..McKenzie is doing great, we have so much fun together.I am so proud of Brett he is working so hard and has passed two of his three test with 100% to get the $9.50 job..Boy has he been studing this brain to hard, I can't thing..Not bad for a kid just getting ready to graduate..Well, guess I better go make my beds and be a wife for a while..Seems funny being alone in this big old house with everyone gone, it is rainy and yucky out, just an all around down day..Well, God Bless all that is reading this..
03-27-98....
Boy has it been a long week..McKenzie went for her check up and she is now 18lbs and growing like a weed..Very active, makes this granny tired..hehehhe I'm not saying I'm old or anything..I got great news, my ss..disability benfits will start next week..Thank God, he has answered our prayers..The kids got there apartment so we will be moving them again next weekend, they are living with us right now, which mom likes..I am on an emotional roller coaster all the time..Brett is going to work at UPS, and taking lots of test so he can start on top..This will be his summer job and while he is in college at one near us for a couple of years before he goes away to school..He said he might just stay there and go for a manager job..Benifits are great for him, I am so happy that he has found this and so proud of the hard work he is doing..Thank God for both my boys and the way they work so hard at what they do..Well, I guess i better go see what kind of trouble I can get into now, until next time, Hugs.:)
03-20-98....
Everything is happening all at once..I have been on but haven't really felt like coming to visit you dear diary..We are making the wedding plans, and for some reason it is so depressing..I guess because they are so young and I want it to work so much..They seem to love each other so much but at other times they seem so unhappy..I know God will protect them and be with them..Brett has left town and his mummy for the first time, he has gone on spring break with the guys..I know he is having a great time but he is about 5 hours away and boy does this old lady miss him..He is my gleam of sunshine everyday when he comes home from school..Dad and I are learning to be a couple again, and that isn't to bad, we are so very close and we have so much fun together..We are going to dinner tonight and catch a movie, tomorrow is the day I go buy a dress for the wedding..I guess I won't get the black dress with the hate and vail..I'll try to be more colorful..I'll let you know how it goes..That about all for me tonight..I'll be back as soon as my heart tells me..:)
03-09-98....
It has almost been a week. We all love each other so much here that we share everything. (even the flu) Now we are feeling much better. Brett is very happy, we got a beautiful snow and he is home from school.We have a high heating bill now because he opened the door last night every 5 mins to make sure it was still snowing so he wouldn't have to go to school.hehehhe I went over yesterday to Jason's and Alana's and we got there home in order after moving last week, they are so young they just didn't know where to start, so I enjoyed myself very much helping them..Now NO boxes, they are living in the real world now..Kinda scarey for us mom and dad..Still working on the wedding. Alana got all the invitations ready to be mailed this week.Her mom and I and Alana went to look at shoes this weekend while the boys went to the car show, we had dinner, didn't find any shoes yet, but had a great time..I'm think of wearing a bright yellow hat at the wedding, what ya think of that..hehehheh...also so a dress hanging from the wall at the place we ate, thought I might borrow that too..heheheh and go barefoot..Put smiles on everyones face..heheh. Well, I think I'll go wake Brett up(he'll love me for that) and we'll bake some cookies..:)See ya soon, dear diary.
03-03-98....
Boy!!! Back two days in a row. After I left yesterday, it didn't turn out to be to good of a day..Alana got very sick and McKenzie did too..Thought we were going to have to take McKenzie to the hospital..In the end everything worked out good..Today has been a quit day, McKenzie stayed home with her mom so they would both get well, Brett was here with a sore throat so I played Dr.Mom, which he always loves. Talked with hubby about planning a trip in July so that was fun..I really didn't do anything that is worth writing about..I am really having fun tho with the secert pal in the Dreamers..Thinking who could my secert Pal be, hummmmmmmm. I love sending things to mine..It is fun and keep the friends and family I have made on the webb close..Enough for today..I'm off to bed..Kisses and hugs dear diary.:)
03-02-98....
It has been awhile again..There is so much going on here..Where do I start...We are really working hard to get the wedding going..Jason and Alana will be married April 25..They moved into there own place this weekend..Thank God..They can now really get to know each other without parents around.They are going thur a lot of stress so in turn this mom is stressing out big time..We got great news..Brett was voted Mr. Personality for his senior class of 1998 out of all the seniors, this mom cried and cried..We are having a great time with McKenzie, she is now eating the real stuff and it is so much fun to feed her..hehhe this granny enjoy's every sec of it..I also am working with the Dreamers of the Night, I would love for all of you to check it out and join..if you are a dreamer you belong with us, it is fun and new things are going on all the time..It is a stress free place to come and you youngins, can join the Dreamer Lil..too for children 16 and under..Please Please check us out..http://members.xoom.com/dreamers..We also have the prayer site on there and blessings..if you have a prayer you need us to pray with you about or you have a blessing in your life you would like to share with us, we are so happy to put it on our page.. Well, I guess I will go for now and clean house today is my off day with McKenzie so I get everyting done I can..I'll be back..until then please have a wonderful day..Let the Angels walk with you always..:)
02-20-98....
Wow back two days in a row..Feeling great today.I worked on my homepage and added a new award I got from Laura and Jeff*Smiles* Talked to my wonderful sis..I also got a Blessing to add to my blessing page and it makes you feel so good to see blessing that people care about and write about..You can see the blessing in Dreamers Prayer Site at http://geocities.datacellar.net/Heartland/Acres/9835,it is great..I also went with Alana and Jason to see the lady who is going to make there cake for there wedding..It is a beautiful cake they picked out, my son took me to lunch and we had a great time just the two of us..Brett got great honors tonight, he was voted BEST PERSONALITY of his whole senior class, I cried and cried. He will get an award and it will be in the yearbook in a special section, not to bad for 420 seniors..He is wonderful and dad and I are so proud of him..Well better go to bed..Sweet Dreams to All:)
02-19-98....
02-19-98....
Today I am feeling stronger and boy is that great..I got to watch McKenzie my grandbaby and she rolled over today for the first time..YIPPEEEE...of course mom and dad were sad about it..She brightens my whole day..I looked at my e-mail for the first time in a week and I got so many wonderful Get Well cards from the Dreamers of the Nights, that warmed my heart and made the day a lot better..Visit us on Dreamers of the Night it is wonderful and there is so much to do..http://www.members.xoom.com/dreamers. Off to cook dinner hope I'm back tomorrow..hugs to all..
02-15-98....
WOW..It has been a long time since I have been here..I have been very sick..My son had to call 911 and I had test and now I am on my way back to health..I pray..So much has happened that I don't know where to start..Working and writing in this will help my depression I know..My granddaughter is growing like a weed and in one more week we get to give her food..hehheeh...I am working with a new club you might call it, that I know will help me and take up some time..It is Dreamers of the Night..we have so much fun and I wish all that are here will come to visit..http://www.members.xoom.com/dreamers Also there is so much to offer and do on this site.My very dear friend started it and ask me to run the Dreamers Prayer page so we are off finding new members and adding things every day..I am going to be working on a new page to add to this site so I feel like I have done something for it..Keep a Look out on what it is going to be..hehehhehehe It is late so I am going to go to bed..but I'm back and hope to be writing in here every day now..I have missed you..God Bless :) Keep smiling because smiles will always follow...
01-23-98....
Today is not a good day, so if you aren't up to it you might not want to read my feelings today..I guess you might say I'm feeling sorry for myself..I have been sick for three weeks, and i just don't care anymore..I have such good friends that are involving me in the new night of the dreamers, and I can't even do that justice..I just don't know what is wrong with me..I hope it helps to write this down so I can read it and go on and try to make things better...ya know what I mean..My hubby is great, the kids didn't come over again today..But McKenzie's check up at the doctors went wonderful..She is growing normal and is right down beautiful.I am still working on understanding that I can't do what I use to do because of my back and am really having a hard time with feeling like I am worth much, I have always been able to help my hubby with income and now I don't do anything but stay home.Guess one day I will get over it..Well I'm off to fix dinner..if I feel the need I will be back dear diary..
01-22-98....
Today is my soon to be daughter in laws birthday..I want to wish Alana a blessed birthday and a wonderful year to come..I hope as being a mother in law to her that she can come to me for anything and know that I will always be her for her..I was looking forward to the kids coming tonight and spending the night but they didn't so I will live with it..Today I had McKenzie which is always a joy, she is sick with a cold but still smiles..If you haven't notice this diary is going to be about what goes on during my day and what my feeling are..Well, today was a day to enjoy with my granddaughter..
01-20-98....
Hello everyone just a quick note to let you know that Net-Prayer is now on my site here.It may look like a different site but it is all in one now. Take care....Hugggs Linda
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