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Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
At times, in our lives, the Lord brings us on a journey to places where we would rather not go (John 21:18). In November of 1990, my journey began when I learned that my husband, Jing, had malignant melanoma, the most deadly kind of skin cancer. Our daughter, Elyse, was only eight months old at that time. The year had started out with blessings for our family. At that time, I wrote in my prayer journal, "Cherish every moment, for you know not what tomorrow brings and life holds many surprises".
Jing underwent an operation and chemotherapy while my family and prayer community prayed for his healing. Although it was a difficult time for us, it was also a time when we experienced how the Lord provided for us in ways too many to enumerate. Jing’s new job was with a pharmaceutical company. Thus, aside from the medical benefits granted by the company, he also got free medicine. Jing’s boss at the time was a man who had lost his wife to cancer and he was specially sympathetic and supportive all throughout Jing’s chemo treatments and afterwards.
After two years, my husband seemed to be doing so well that we dared to hope that the Lord had healed him. He had finished his chemotherapy treatments and started playing badminton three times a week. He seemed to be in the best of health. But in April 1993, Jing suddenly felt ill. We were supposed to go on a vacation in California. We entered the hospital instead.
The time in the hospital was an amazing time for me. Each day, a lesson in faith and hope. We started out not knowing just how serious Jing's condition was. The day after checking in, it was confirmed that the cancer had spread to Jing's liver. During the next few days we tried to find an oncologist for Jing, because his doctor had left for the States a week earlier. We found out that there was an oncologist’s conference there and many of the oncologists were out of the country to attend it.
Many other people that we were relying on were also out of town. His surgeon, one of our best friends, had a commitment to go on medical mission. Many of our leaders in the community we belonged to were out of the country. It seemed as if the Lord had taken away everyone we were depending on so that we could depend on Him alone.
By now it was clear to us that nothing less than a miracle could heal Jing. The doctors could only offer him some relief from the pain. Amazingly, when I learned this, I experienced the peace which transcends all understanding (Phil 4:7). I did not have to frantically search for the best treatment, the best doctor. We could rely on no man and had to depend on God alone. Depend on God- the God who created all things and each one of us and the God who loved us so much that He gave us His Son. I knew that if He wanted to heal Jing, He could do it in an instant, no matter how serious the illness. All throughout, I would pray "Lord, you are a faithful God, I put my trust in you" and as I prayed, I asked the Lord, "What would you have me do?" I sensed His answer-"I would have you trust in Me and rejoice in Me at all times". If He wanted to heal Jing He could do it in an instant, no matter how serious the illness.
And as I looked back in my prayer journal, I found this passage which I had written a few weeks before -
"I am a faithful God, and My promises are true. Have I not sustained you throughout all your trials? As a boat in the ocean keeps you from getting wet in spite of waves and storms, I will bring you to where I have promised in spite of problems and trials. I am a faithful God and you have nothing to fear. Even your own weaknesses, you own lack, are not enough to keep me from loving you and keeping my promises to you." Even then, the Lord was already preparing me.
Looking back, I marvel at how the Lord poured out His grace upon me and sustained me during that time in the hospital. I felt like I was walking across a great chasm and just putting one step forward in faith and hope, not seeing the bridge and not knowing what was on the other side. Knowing only that the Lord was with me in this journey, and whatever happened, my life would never be the same again.
The Lord sustained me and my family in many different ways and one of them was through the love and support of our community. We were showered with prayers and visits, words of comfort and encouragement, and many other blessings. So many brothers and sisters from community visited Jing that the hospital personnel thought Jing was a celebrity!
Throughout this time, many people came to me with the sense that the Lord would grant us a miracle and heal my husband. But one night, a brother talked to me and for the first time someone told me what to do when I felt that the Lord was going to take Jing home. "Tell Jing not to worry. Tell him that you and Elyse will be okay". I was to say these words only a few hours later.
That last night, we prayed and sang songs of praise around his hospital bed. We sang The Lord’s Prayer to the tune that Jing composed. All throughout, I hoped for a physical healing. But when my husband passed from this life to the next, I was finally able to accept that the healing I hoped for was not to be. And in that instant, in an amazing way, the Lord transformed my hope for a physical healing to a Hope for Heaven and Eternal Life. And I claimed God's words to me for Jing "Even your own weaknesses, your own lack, are not enough to keep me from loving you and keeping my promises to you".
In the midst of my grief, my heart soared with the Hope of God's promise of salvation and thoughts of a happy homecoming. " The verse "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1) became so real for me.
The days, weeks, months, and even years that followed were challenging ones. But although it was a most difficult time, it was also a time when I most experienced the Lord’s love and faithfulness. In my journey, I went through the valleys of desolation but also the heights of consolation.During the time in the hospital, as I prayed for Jing’s healing, I would think, "If both Jing’s healing and his death would bring glory to God, surely the Lord will grant me my heart’s desire". Sometime after Jing’s death, I came upon Romans 10: 1f…
"Brothers, it is my heart’s desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved… Do not say in your heart who will ascend into heaven…if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you will be saved… Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame…"
Indeed my heart’s desire for all my loved ones is for them to be saved and to inherit the promises of the kingdom of God. Whatever way the Lord would accomplish this, however difficult for me, I was thankful and trusted in His wisdom.
In the bible, when it says "the wondrous works of the Lord" I used to think of things like parting the Red Sea and other miracles. Now, as I marvel at how the Lord sustained me through this difficult journey and transformed my heart, I consider this, too, a wondrous work.
" For though the fig tree blossom not nor fruit be on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive fail and the terraces produce no nourishment,
Though the flocks disappear from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,
Yet will I rejoice in the Lord and exult in my saving God.
God the Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet swift as those of hinds and enables me to go upon the heights. (Habakkuk 3:17-19)
In the bible, when it says "the wondrous works of the Lord" I used to think of things like parting the Red Sea and other miracles. Now, as I marvel at how the Lord sustained me through this difficult journey and transformed my heart, I consider this, too, a wondrous work.
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