PROMETHEUS--"Iolaus was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the Green Egg men went on to live long and prosperous lives."
DEATH IN CHAINS--"No Jumbo Sized Cocktail Rats were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
HOOVES AND HARLOTS--"No males, centaurs, or amazons were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS--"No oversized Polynesian-style Bamboo Horses were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However many wicker lawn chairs gave their lives."
ATHENS CITY ACADEMY OF THE PERFORMING BARDS--"The producers would like to acknowledge and pay tribute to Stanley Kubrick, Kirk Douglas and all those who were involved with the making of the film classic 'Spartacus'. Additional thanks to Steve Reeves."
A FISTFUL OF DINARS--"No Ambrosia was spilled, spoiled or in any way harmed during the production of this motion picture. [Thanks to the indefinite shelf life of marshmallow]"
WARRIOR...PRINCESS--"Neither Xena not her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
MORTAL BELOVED--"No Winged Harpies were harmed or sent to a fiery grave during the production of this motion picture."
THE ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES--"No Ancient and inflexible rules governing moral behavior were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
THE PRODIGAL--"Meleager the Mighty, the generally tipsy and carousing warrior-for-hire, was not harmed during the production of this motion picture."
ALTARED STATES--"No Unabating or Severely Punishing Deities were harmed during the production of this motion picture." during the production of this motion picture."
TIES THAT BIND--"No Fathers, spiritual or biological, were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
THE GREATER GOOD--"Excessive belching can cause brain damage and social ostracism. Kids, please don't give in to peer pressure. Play it safe."
CALLISTO--"Joxer's nose was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, his crossbow was severely damaged."
DEATH MASK--"No messenger doves were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several are reportedly missing in action and search-and-rescue efforts are under way."
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?--"Being that war is hell, lots of people were harmed during the production of this motion picture [but since television is a dramatic medium of make-believe, all casualities removed their prosthetic makeup and went home unscathed."
Back to the Temple.