REMEMBER NOTHING--"Xena's memory was not damaged or...what was I saying?"
GIANT KILLER--"No Bible myths or icons were irreparably mangled during the production of this motion picture."
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN--"No Bloodsucking Bacchae were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, a few Dryads lost their heads."
RETURN OF CALLISTO--"Although Xena finally conquered her dark nemesis, Callisto, it took her weeks to get the sand out of her leather unmentionables."
WARRIOR...PRINCESS...TRAMP--"Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this picture. Meg, however, suffered minor injuries while preparing aardvark nuggets for King Lias."
INTIMATE STRANGER--"Argo was not harmed during the making of this motion picture. However, she is undergoing intensive psychotherapy to help her work through her resentment and feelings of distrust toward Xena."
TEN LITTLE WARLORDS--"No one was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Xena's ability to recover her body was severely impeded by Lucy Lawless' unexpected mishap."
A SOLSTICE CAROL--"Senticles was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several of his toys are in dire need of repair."
THE XENA SCROLLS--"No Hollywood producers were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
HERE SHE COMES...MISS AMPHIPOLIS--"No ribbons were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several experienced severe motion sickness."
DESTINY--"Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the Producers deny any responsibility for any unfortunate acts of betrayal causing some discomfort."
THE QUEST--"Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back."
A NECESSARY EVIL--"The reputation of the Amazon Nation was not harmed despite Velasca's overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system."
A DAY IN THE LIFE--"No Slippery Eels were harmed during the production of this motion picture despite their reputation as a fine delicacy in select cultures of the known world."
FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS--"The producers wish to acknowledge the inspiration of Danny Kaye and pay tribute to the classic motion picture 'Court Jester.'"
THE EXECUTION--"By popular demand, the executioner will bring back his comfortable lightweight cotton-flax blend robe in a variety of spring colors."
BLIND FAITH--"Once again, Gabrielle's luck with men was harmed during the making of this motion picture."
ULYSSES--"Despite Gabrielle's incessant hurling, Ulysses' ship was not harmed during the making of this motion picture."
THE PRICE--"To show sympathy for the Horde, "kaltaka" was only served upon request during the production of this motion picture."
LOST MARINER--"Cecrops' 'Joie de Vivre' was not harmed during the production of this motion picture."
A COMEDY OF EROS--"No Cherries were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
