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TOP 10 EPISODES

PHOEBE'S SONGBOOK

Favorite Quotes

One With Ross's New Girlfriend

Chandler: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite--
Ross: what?
Chandler: Cupping
Joey: That's how they do pants. First they go up one side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is. In prison! Whatsa matter with you?
Joey: What? That's not? Oh my god.

One With The Baby on the Bus

Joey: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it.

One With The List

Chandler: All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.
Monica: Yeah. You!
Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
Phoebe: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.

One With Russ

Russ: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor.
Ross: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in. It's like day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.

One With The Prom Video

Ross - Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?
Chandler - Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance... ya know, make a little love... Well, pretty much get down tonight.

Joey: Some girl ate Monica.
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?

One Where Ross and Rachel...You Know

Chandler: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Joey: What if we have to pee?
Chandler: I'll cancel the sodas.

The Morning After

Ross - Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I-did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
Chandler - Wax the door shut, we're never leaving, ever

One With The Lousy T-Shirt

Joey: Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie!
Ross: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play.
Monica and Phoebe: Oh.
Chandler: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.

One With A Chick And A Duck

Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa, you guys, do you know anything about chicks?
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women? Nooo.

One With The Dirty Girl

Rachel: Well, maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek. Ross: Fine by me, hope she wins.

The One With the Ick Factor

Ross: [on phone] Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. [pause] No, André is not here. [to Joey] Third time today. [on phone] Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don´t perform those kind of services.
Joey: Services? Oh, services.
Ross: [on phone] Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. [pause] No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. [pause] All rightie, bye bye.

The One with the Metaphorical Tunnel

Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.

The One With Frank Jr.

Joey: No. Y'know how we’re always saying we need a place for the mail.
Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
Chandler: You’re building a post office?
Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. It’s a one day job, max.
Chandler: Okay. (notices that Joey is wearing some really tight jeans) My word! Those are snug.
Joey: Oh yeah. These are my old work pants, Sergio Valente’s.

The One With All The Jealousy

Chandler: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits.
Ross: I don't know you guys.
Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.'
Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, (sadly) 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!'
Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?

The One With The Giant Poking Device

Phoebe: He’s alive! He’s a-live!!!
Monica: And yet, we’re still poking him.
Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.
Ross: He does not look happy.
Rachel: Hey-hey, now he’s showing us his poking device.
Joey: Hey, that’s never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!

The One With The Embryos

Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey’s apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Rachel: Chandler gets it! It’s Chandler Bing!
Monica: No!!
Ross: I’m afraid the TV Guide comes to Chinandolor Bong.
Monica: I knew that! Rachel! Use you’re head!
Chandler: Actually, it’s Miss Chinandolor Bong.