The Geek Space Dominion

Page 1

Introduction Welcome to the Geek Space Dominion! This is a publication that informs anyone interested on the daily lives of the crew of Geek Space Nine, an isolated space station situated far from Starfeet Command in the Spamma quadrant. The Geek Space Dominion formerly accepted contributions from readers, but this feature has been suspended, and the publication is now read-only. To read about the station's crew members, go to the crew profiles page. Court-Case Commences By Oddo The court case between Chief Oh Brain and GS9's tailor, Mr Garax commenced today over the matter of the chief's clothing being of a seemingly bad quality. The jury includes Major Key-rack Nearice, Dr J. Bash-up, and Lieutenant Dux. The prosecutor is myself, Chief of security, Oddo, and the judge is Commander Sikto. "The loser has to pay big bucks" according to witness Qwak. I will be outlining the events of the court case as it progresses. THE CASE OF THE UNRAVELLING SOX - PART I Chief Oh Brain stated his complaints to Garax that his uniform is of "beastie quality". The resident tailor replied that maybe it was because there weren't any garments currently being manufactured in the extra large large large large large size range. This caused an outrage, and it was necessary to stun the chief with a phaser to restrain him from attacking the accused, Garax. After the chief had recovered and promised not to attempt attack again, he read out all the 46 faults in his current uniform, ranging from "my sox unravelled" to "it got a crease on the third button hole." At this point most of the jury fell asleep and it was decided the court would adjourn tomorrow at 0800 hours. THE CASE OF THE UNRAVELLING SOX - PART II The court adjourned at 0832 hours today, because the defendant Chief Oh Brain "misplaced his cue cards". When the case finally began, it was Garax's turn to have his say on the Chief's complaint. He stated "I take pride in providing the best quality uniforms and fashions for every humanoid on board the station, but some are simply the wrong shape. Out here on the edge of the galaxy, if I run out of purple crocheted socks, I just have to wait for the next transport vessel. When the Chief here came in and asked for "green and orange striped toe-socks with purple lace", I told him I didn't have any right at this time, but he could make do with my new pink and orange spotted knee-stockings while he was waiting." At this point Chief Oh Brain went "off his rocker," according to witness Dr Bash-up, and was stunned again until he could act sensibly and responsibly. He was removed from duty by Commander Sikto at this point. THE CASE OF THE UNRAVELLING SOX - PART III The court adjourned at 1800 hours today, with the Chief now facing two charges of disruption in a court case and violence towards a superior. He tells us someone put his cue cards down the waste disposal while he was confined to his quarters. He has ordered a search party of unimportant crewmen into the paper waste chamber to look for them. Garax is now speaking through his lawyer so that he is not attacked again by the Chief. Chief Oh Brain is sealed in a duranium cage and sedated and a team of ten security officers are guarding him. Witness Dr Bash-up tells us "It is a bit of a horrendous thought to think me and the rest of the crew worked with a dangerous criminal for all those months." Wife, Cake-oh Oh Brain tells us "This is a ghastly exploitation of the justice system. I am definitely going to complain to the authorities." The jury were asked to examine Garax's stock to see if the quality was anything like the chief had described it. Jury-member Bash-up confirms "It is of excellent quality and taste," displaying a pink and lime green striped top-hat with several holes ripped in one side and "Gate woz heer" scribbled on the brim. The court was adjourned after it was decided Chief Oh Brain was unfit to respond. "He obviously has a bad reaction to those sedatives I prescribed." Dr Bash-up tells us. Next Column

Crewmen Misplaced in Waste Expedition By Commander Sikto Today Chief Oh Brain sent a team of six unimportant officers into the paper disposal chamber to find his lost cue cards. As he was relieved from duty at the time, he didn't even have any authority to do this, but the team being rather unintelligent, went anyway. They apparently did not know which crawl-way lead to the paper-disposal chamber, so decided to slide down the disposal chute and find out where they ended up. Unfortunately, they were not detected as paper, but as "large food waste" and were plunged into a chamber of compost. Even more unfortunately, I , unaware of their escapades, gave the order to empty the rubbish capsules at that moment, and they were compressed into rubbish capsules and began their journey to the rubbish disposal system on planet K'Daq. Fortunately, three hours later I was alerted of this fact when the Chief came out of the coma he had been in and told me he had been in a weakened state of mind brought on by sedatives when he had given the order. He then began to recite "Alice the Camel" and was sedated again for fear he would became violent. The waste capsules have been retrieved and sorted through. The crew members were found and relieved from duty for ten minutes because of their ordeal. THE CASE OF THE UNRAVELLING SOX - PART IV Before the court could begin today, Admiral Nakamoura blasted down the door and handed the Commander a list of all the things wrong with Deep Space Nine, then handcuffed him and transported him to the brig. Apparently he was alerted of the "chaos and havoc" on the station by kiddy-skool teacher, Cake-oh Oh Brain who laid a formal complaint about the justice system yesterday. Here is an exert from this list. Chief Medical Officer - Drugging sane and controlled patient with quadruple amount of sedative recommended for safety standard. Sedative later found to be methylated spirits. Bar-Tender - Upholding and running bar well under safety standards. Commander and Justice Judge - Allowing six crewmen to explore waste disposal area with out hygiene protection, then attempting to eject them in waste-capsules for his own amusement. The court case has been officially postponed while the matter is sorted out. Ship Crash Causes Concern By Odo The USS Boze-Noze had a collided with the USS Enter-price yesterday at 2200 hours. The Enter-price, arriving unexpectedly, "did not have it's headlights on" and "was manoeuvring in a most peculiar way" according to the captain of the Boze-Noze. The Captain of the Enterprise, John Luke Pircrad, has been offered a drinking and driving awareness course by DS9's "caring" bartender, Qwak. The collision of the USS Enter-price and the USS Boze-Noze as it happened. THE CASE OF THE UNRAVELLING SOX - PART V The Commander has concluded the court case as "a draw" because he can't decide who should win, and he is scared if he makes someone lose they might kill him. Chief Oh Brain has been permitted back on duty, and Garax has ordered some more stock. At the conclusion, Commander Sikto made the Chief and Garax shake hands in a gesture of goodwill, but unfortunately the Chief ripped Mr Garax's arm off, and they are both in the infirmary after trying to kill each other. Sikto has ignored this small event and has resigned from the position of Justice Judge. SITUATIONS VACANT JUSTICE JUDGE- Position available for any humanoid with a brain over 5 milligrammes in weight.

Next Issue: Qwak organises a Christmas bash!

[ Page 1 ] [ Page 2 ] [ Page 3 ] [ Page 4 ] [ Page 5 ] [ Page 6 ] [ Page 7 ]
[ Page 8 ] [ Page 9 ] [ Page 10 ] [ Page 11 ] [ Page 12 ]
[ Page 13 ]

Star Trek and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is a registered trade mark and property of Paramount