Flatulation Explained
Vain: A person who loves the smell of his own farts.
Amiable: A person who loves the smell of other people's farts.
Proud: A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine.
Shy: A person who releases silent farts and then blushes.
Impudent: A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs.
Unfortunate: A person who tries awfully hard to fart but poops instead.
Scientific: A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution.
Nervous: A person who stops in the middle of his fart.
Honest: A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons.
Dishonest: A person who farts and then blames the dog.
Foolish: A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.
Thrifty: A person who has several good farts in reserve.
Antisocial: A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.
Strategic: A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing.
Sadistic: A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate.
Intellectual: A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item consumed.
Athletic: A person who farts at the slightest exertion.
Miserable: A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all.
Sensitive: A person who farts and then starts crying.
The Poopie List
Ghost Poopie: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't have to ruin them with a nasty stain.
Second Wave Poopie: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie: The kind where your strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Lincoln Log Poopie: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush it without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Gassy Poopie: It's so noisy that everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Poopie: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Corn Poopie: Self-Explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie-Poopie: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie: That's where it hurts so badly coming out you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie: (Power Dump) The kind that comes out so fast your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of you butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie: It smells so bad your nose burns.
Upper-Class Poopie: The kind of poopie that doesn't smell.
The Surprise Poopie: You're not even at the toilet because you're sure you're about to fart, but oops!!......A poopie!
The Dangling Poopie: This poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know your are done poopie-ing it. You just pray that wiggling will cut it lose.
50 Things to do in a Public Bathroom
1. Comment "Pooh, who did that?"
2. Complement people on their shoes.
3. Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation.
4. Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects.
5. Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in THEIR bowl.....
6. Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives.
7. Scream "Oh my GOD! What the heck is THAT?"
8. Simulate a drug deal.
9. Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects).
10. Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.
11. Start a sing-a-long.
12. Act schizophrenically.
13. Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy....
14. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.
15. Ask loudly "When does the movie start?"
16. Write 'nerdy' graffiti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you."
17. Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.
18. Pour water over the stall door onto occupant.
19. Say "Oops... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls.
20. Pretend that you're Bill Gates, act as real as possible.
21. At night, switch off the lights.
22. Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?"
23. Collect a door charge.
24. Ask "Is there a doctor in the house?"
25. Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing.
26. Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat / river python / tarantula.
27. Write essay questions on the toilet paper.
28. Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.
29. Offer refreshments.
30. Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.
31. Run in, yelling "Free Willy!"
32. Charge admission.
33. Electrify metal urinals.
34. Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.
35. One word: GOLDFISH.
36. Make Jell-O in the bowl.
37. Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard.
38. Remove stall doors.
39. Glue seat and cover down to bowl.
40. Place signs warning of 24 hour video surveillance.
41. Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.
42. Put itching powder on the toilet seats.
43. Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.
44. Replace soap in dispenser with custard.
45. Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available.
46. Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.
47. Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).
48. In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice for young players: Don't leave the water in while you do this...)
49. Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.
50. Just do what comes naturally...
