[ Top Ten Ways to be an Annoying Wedding Usher | Top Ten New Slogans for the Tobacco Industry ]

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."

7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."

6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

5. Deny the existence of chemicals.

4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid.

1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in dollhouse models.

10. Show up tired, REALLY tired.

9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can into each row before opening up the next one up. We're going for efficiency here...

8. Two words: "Bathroom Key"

7. Insist on having the audience get up and do the Macarena in the middle of the ceremony.

6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.

5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory...

4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.

3. Carry on a conversation with the guests, keep talking and talking and talking...

2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.

1. Insist on a pants-free environment.

10. "Cigarettes: They're like Big Macs for your lungs!"

9. "If you stop smoking, Joe Camel will come to your house and put the hurt on you."

8. "Recommended by four out of five doctors named Kevorkian."

7. "Tobacco: Still safer than crack."

6. "You'd better keep smoking, because Nicorette gum tastes like crap."

5. "We'll blacken any lungs for $99.95!"

4. "You'll come for the nicotine, you'll stay for the wet hacking cough."

3. "Smoke your fat butt good-bye!"

2. "Warning: The surgeon general lies!"

1. "Smoke this!"