• You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly bacause you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces, (Feb 23 - Mar 22)

• You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries, (Mar 23 - April 22)

• You have a wild imagination and often think that you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a major influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence but are still a general bad ass.

Taurus, (April 23 - May 22)

• You are practical and persistant. You have a dogged determination and work like Hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a God-damned Communist.

Gemini, (May 23 - June 22)

• You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are a bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means that you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer, (June 23 - July 22)

• You are sympathetic and understanding to other people problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo, (July 23 - Aug 22)

• You consider yourself a born leader. Others cannot tolerate criticsm. Your arrogence is disgusting. Leo people are theiving mother-fuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo, (Aug 23 - Sept 22)

• You are a logical type and hate disorder. Your shitpicking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra, (Sept 23 - Oct 22)

• You are the artistic type and have trouble dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of verereal diseases.

Scorpio, (Oct 23 - Nov 22)

• You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success bacause of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect prick.

Sagittarius, (Nov 23 - Dec 22)

• You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn, (Dec 23 - Jan 22)

• You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of importance. You should kill yourself.