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 Although there is no horror to be found in this parody of "Blair Witch Project", it still merits a review. It may lead you to believe that it's something like "Sorority House Massacre" except that it takes place in the woods and makes some sly references to the Blair Witch movie, but that assumption would only be partially correct. This is not intended to be a horror film at all, just a softcore porno satirizing a horror film. I love adult humor, but whenever one joke is stretched out to nearly an hour and a half, it gets tiresome to 99% of the human population. Most of the satirical jabs are weak and make this direct-to-video much longer than it needs to be. If this had been skillfully edited, it would be a relentlessly funny skit instead of a flat, 90-minute joke. Most of the beginning is plain dumb, particularly the long, boring interviews (even though one of the interviewees is named Dick Bigdickian). Later on when the Bare Wench visits the girls' tent at night, you get to hear donkey noises! That's right. Donkey noises. If the Bare Wench was supposed to be a menacingly seductive entity, this lame attempt at comedy buries that notion deep into the ground. On the plus side, Nikki Fritz (who is the one documenting the Bare Wench) actually does a decent imitation of Heather from "Blair Witch Project", and there is a hilarious scene where she has a fit over someone losing the tripod. It's too bad that the other girls in the movie are only good for showing off their curves. They're much cuter when they're not talking, but unfortunately those moments are rare. Tagging along with the bimbos is their lunkheaded cameraman, who claims to be from New Jersey yet sounds remarkably like Bill Clinton much of the time (and Clinton is clearly not from New Jersey!). Another oddity is that the girls go into the woods practically naked, but when they try to leave, they start wearing normal clothes for some reason. I guess it takes them a few days to get cold out in the woods. I don't know...The bottom line: "Bare Wench Project" is not very good, but it will pique your curiosity. |
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QUARTER BY QUARTER ANALYSIS OF MOVIE
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OVERALL RATING
** NOTE: The more dots, the higher the rating. A dozen dots mean that the movie is a masterpiece while one or no dots mean you'll have more fun picking your nose with a scalpel. ** |
    
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The Worm-Hole Reviews are written by Matt Barnes.