A priest had lost a cock (hen variety) and didn't know where to find it. So the next day at the sermon he queried about his lost cock. "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up. "No, no, I mean has anybody seen the cock?" The priest said. All the women stood up. The priest replied, "No, no, I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

The only thing that the I.R.S. has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1, 1998 your penis will be taxed according to size.

----- The categories are as follows: -----
10 - 12 Inches     Luxury Tax $30.00
  8 - 10 Inches     Pole Tax $25.00
  5 - 8   Inches     Privilege Tax $15.00
  4 - 5   Inches     Nuisance Tax $3.00

Males exceeding 12" must file a capital gains return.
NOTE: Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!

Sincerely,
Peter Checker
I.R.S.

An EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) who worked on an ambulance in Trenton writes . . .

One of the places that we were frequently called to was a nursing home in town. We were in there so much that we got to know the staff and even some of the patients pretty well, especially John. John was "with it" but just a little too old to live alone and take care of himself. Over time he got to know some of our faces, including mine, and would always say hello when he saw us coming down the hall.

One day, as we're picking up a patient I saw John walking down the hall with a really depressed look on his face and I asked him, "What's the matter John?" John's response was, "My dick died." I said "What?" His response once again was, "My dick died." I was in a hurry and didn't have time to chat about it so I just said that I was sorry to hear it and kept going.

A few days later we were back in the nursing home again for another patient when I see John walking down the hall and I notice that he is exposed. I said, "Do you feel a draft John?" And he just looked puzzled and said, "What?" I leaned over so as not to embarrass him and said, "John, your penis is hanging out of your pajamas." He looked at me and said, "Well, I told you my dick died right?" And I said, "yeah." His response, "Well, today's the viewing."