This article was part of an e-mail that Annette sent to me regarding a posting I sent to the methadone mailing list about the brain's opiate receptors. I had written that after opiate addiction the brain has difficulty manufacturing enough endorphins (the body's natural form of opiates) to fill the receptors. This causes cravings and depression, so in effect addicts relapse through real, psychiatric causes, not because they are weak. Also I believe, from hearing first hand accounts, that some people have problems with this brain function without ever having had drugs before.

Because I am always looking for people willing to share their life stories through my web site and Annette included some of her drug history in the e-mail, I asked her if I could reproduce the e-mail on my website. And so, here it is.

Thank you very much to Annette for sharing this with us all.

Hi Rose,

I do not believe I have ever talked with you on Nick's list, my name is Annette and its been a pleasure reading your input on receptors. My beliefs are through my own experiences.

Now that I am older and in treatment, I have had time to reflect over a lifetime of drug use. I don't want to get in to some long history, so I will stick to the subject at hand.

The first time I ever put a drug in my mouth I was 11 years old, my drug of choice was Valium. Years this haunted me as to why an eleven year old would began stealing her mother's drugs to sedate. When I was 12 and 13 I babysat. I would search medicine cabinets. Anything that read for sleep, for pain, will cause drowsiness, on and on, I would steal and take them. What has always bothered me is why 11 and did my parents know? They were killed in a car accident when I was 22 (ironically by a drunk driver) so I have never been able to ask the many questions I have.

I am now learning so much. Methadone without a doubt in my mind has filled the receptors, which for years I had tried and never knew why. My biggest argument with this analogy is the age I began, the need was strong and I did what it took to feel normal, (if you will).

I have raised two children my oldest is 20 to this day I can remember how nervous and over protective I was when he was at the age of 11, 12 and 13. He is a pot smoker. I see no other signs. He hates pills, narcotics of any sort and I am sure I have been responsible for that. He has seen what the damage using can do to one's health. My daughter is 13, she has seen probably more than my son due to the fact it has come out of the closet during her years, she has seen the struggle and watched the pain as her dad and I have fought the demon of drug abuse. Methadone saved my life, marriage and the love of my children. I will never think any different than what I just wrote, due to the fact I am living proof that one can be born with defective receptors, its just too obvious with my history.

This is the first time I have really sat down and told of my younger years. They are very personal to me and it hurts to recall the memories back.

Peace to you and yours,

Annette R. / Louisiana

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