My story is similar to almost every junkie but it has its differences. I was raised primarily by my mother. My father was/is a workaholic. I did poorly in school up to the 10th grade. I finally wised up and made the honor roll for the remainder of high school with a 4.0 GPA. Upon graduating I joined the Navy to work on airplanes and saw the world.

My involvement with drugs did not occur until I got out of the Navy and moved to Florida. I lived a double life. I got a job at a hi-tech space industry corporation as a technician for the Space Shuttles. So much for the stereotypical street junkie!! I was also interested in body building which I still enjoy as a hobby. However the people I hung around with were addicts. I started on pills Hydrocodone, oxymorphone, and graduated to IV drugs such as morphine, nubain, demeral then ultimately heroin. I got to the point that I was walking scripts at various pharmacies including ones overseas.

Eventually I got busted.

Because it was my first offence I was to only get 9 months probation but the paper work got mixed up and after I saw the judge I was set for a jury trial that I knew I would lose. So I had to hire a lawyer. He told me that the judge did not like addicts and he knew that I was high when I saw him. So the lawyer said if I don't check into detox to show the judge I was trying to get clean that he would give me 5 years in prison!!!

I was scared shitless! So I check into detox the very next day. Because detox lasted more than a week I was forced to tell my employer about my addiction. The corporation where I was working is a drug free work place. They forbid drug usage. However when I told them they placed me on an EAP (employee Assistance Program) which consisted of 1 year of urine drug testing done randomly and counselling.

Within three weeks of being placed on the program. I relapsed. A junkie friend stopped over my house and placed a pile of heroin in front of my face; not knowing the seriousness of the situation that I can lose my career etc. I did what any junkie did and shot it up with no hesitation.

The following day the nurse called me in for a surprise drug test. I told her what happened and she was understandable but she made me pee in the cup any way. After that she sent me back to detox. How absurd!!! I did not have enough heroin in my system to be physically hooked. At detox they gave me a piss test also and immediately placed me on methadone/librium. I was higher than I had been for the 3 weeks I had been virtually clean. A few days later they got the drug test results which turned up negative so they stopped my meds and I had to check out!!

I reported back to work the next day and I was fired on the spot!! I was literally thrown out on the street!! I became real depressed and the only thing I had on my mind was to score a bunch of H. And that was exactly what I did! In fact I got it through some new connections I met at detox.

That same week I had my court date. I felt so miserable that I couldn't care less if I got locked up!! I showed up in court going through withdrawal because I ran out of dope and could not connect. All I wanted was to "get well" during the session. I ended up getting 2 years probation.

The next few months consisted of making trips to Orlando buying/selling heroin. I needed the money because I was unemployed.

The time came for me to meet my probation officer. He warned me that I had to find a job or he would violate me. I was starting to get scared. So I got a crappy job stocking shelves at a grocery store. Talk about humiliation and low self esteem! I went from repairing space shuttle components to this!!

I started to wean off the H but kept on dabbling. I was staring to like being a chipper. But when my car accident settlement check arrived I did what any good junkie would do I shot it into my fucking arm!!! I got $5000.00. It was gone within about a month. I finally ran out of money and dope. I went through major withdrawal (that is when I wrote that poem) but I had to quit the madness I got sick of living like a loser.

I turned my phone off/pager off and refused to answer my door. It was hell. But I endured.

I finally went out and searched for a real job and got one similar to what I did for the space corporation. I also avoid all my junkie friends. I have been doing good for a year now. But I must say that I never feel the same it is as though my body is missing something.

If I ever relapse again, and I hope not to, I plan on going on methadone. I just cannot let my employer know because this too is a drug free work place. I also have 6 months probation left and my probation officer thinks that I am doing well. Which I absolutely am. I still get the craving and they won't go away. I don't think they ever will!!

Heroin

Heroin, Heroin, with all of its glory
let me tell you about my story
Heroin, Heroin, with all of its fame
its the one I take the blame
Heroin, Heroin, feels good in my veins
and it relieves all of my pains
When I first starting shootin' it it turned me on
now I regret it when its gone
Its only been hours since I ran out
my once soothed nerves begin to shout
I start to yawn and I sneeze
I beg my dealer" I need some PLEASE!"
I need a fix before the Jones
begins to run throughout my bones
I sweat and shiver
and my stomach begins to quiver
I puke and shit
hours after my last hit
As time goes by I get sicker and I curse
"these withdrawal symptoms only get worse!"
I thought shooting H was slick
but now I am very sick
As I wait for my dealers beep
I try to get some sleep
I pray and hope
that he will arrive with some dope
I can't wait to stick the needle in my arm
Why must I do so much harm?
These withdrawal symptoms are driving me crazy
my mind is getting hazy
Until my dealer answers my call
he tells me to meet him at the mall
I literally get on my hands and knees for this punk
he's the man who deals out my junk
I buy just enough to last a day
this should make me feel okay
I just want to feel well after this deal
who cares if I haven't any money left for a meal
I take out my needle and I boot
I start to feel it as I shoot
Within seconds I feel well
I say to myself "Oh what the hell"
the rush feels good and the Jones went away
only to return the very next day
Around and around this monkey I am chasing
my body not knowing what its facing
If I keep going at this rate
the needle will control my fate
But whenever I try to stop
the craving takes ahold of me and I flop
Its like my only lover is my dope
without it there is no hope
I become self centered caring only of me
I have no friends nor family
whenever I nod out
I can't hear the people that care shout
I keep on telling myself "I need to end this madness
this heroin business brings nothing but sadness"
I avoid all of my connections
and fight my urge for injections
If I don't stop all of this abuse
I will wind up living like a recluse
I need to kick this fucking monkey
and end my life as a junkie
To remain clean
is to avoid the heroin scene
THE END

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