Methadone patients are generally regarded as little better than rampant drug addicts getting a free high courtesy of the government. The reality is somewhat different, but drug addiction is such a secretive and emotive issue that the facts often count for little.

Here are some excerpts from postings written by methadone patients about the pressure they feel as a result of their health status.

The writings on this page were originally postings on the methadone mailing list.

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Scott started:

I guess the point I`m trying to make is that I`m not surprised that the general MMT patient stereotype tends towards the negative. If an Methadone patient freaks out and commits a violent crime its makes for big news. If that same patient remained clean, earned a degree at Yale, etc.- it doesn`t make for an interesting story on the 6:00 news.

Linda responded (in part):

Yup, you are absolutely correct in my opinion...unfortunatley too many of us are exactly as portrayed negatively in the media ... I know we(subscribers to this list) are probably not 'average', but nevertheless, methadone has contributed greatly to any and all success that I've achieved in my life, and I know I'm not alone in this. If we counterbalance these negatives with our many heavy positives...

Then Odus chimed in:

... I believe we are the average patient. Problem is, the "average" patient buries him/herself (I hate politically correct!!) in everyday life and NEVER admits to anyone they are on methadone!?!

I would venture a guess that over 75% of patients are hard working, middle-class people who achieve various things while taking methadone. I think that most of them are afraid of the stigma associated with "coming out". It is MUCH more acceptable in today's society to be openly gay than it is to be an "open patient" (?) !! That, my friends, is a sad thing. I believe until we ALL come out as being patients, the stigma will remain.

I know I try to talk other patients into "coming out", but the majority are afraid. I have a dream, (that was my phrase originally, M.L.K. stole it from me, when I was 7!!) that one day it will no longer be a disgrace to be a methadone patient. We HAVE to reach the masses, I am convinced. ...

Leah replied:

Whew, I thought I was the only one going against "our people"!

I've been taking the bus to the Program long enough for other 'regular' riders to strike up conversations with me. My clinic offers accupuncture, so whenever anyone asks me where I go every morning, I say, "oh, I'm going to accupuncture". I have this whole lie I use whenever they delve into it further and ask me anything more about why I'm going to accupuncture!

The bus stop where I get off is known to be the stop where all the "slugs" (not my word) going to the clinic get off, so I've even had people mention that to me, and I'm ashamed to admit that whenever anyone has said something "off color" about methadone patients, I haven't defended "us"!! I haven't jumped right in and agreed with them ~ but I haven't corrected them either!

I feel really badly about it, because what they're saying is SO untrue! It's ALMOST funny, in that they are telling me these things to my face about what "those people on Methadone" are like, and here I am, one of those people, and I'm TOTALLY opposite of what they are saying ~ MOST of us are!!!

I wish I had the guts to say, "hey ~ what you're saying isn't true! I'm a Methadone patient, and I'm not that way". I know it would shut them right up, but I'm afraid of the stigma, and of my "secret" getting out, etc. I know I'm contributing to the problem, and I'm ashamed of myself for it!!! How can we expect the "outside" world to accept us, if we can't accept ourselves?!

Maybe that'll be my New Year's resolution ~ to admit to everyone I've previously lied to, and to every new person I come in contact with, that I'm a Methadone patient, and that it's made ALL the difference in my life!!!

Odus again:

I gotta tell ya' Leah, it ain't always the best policy to just open up to everyone you meet. Now, I do that just because I am crass and not very shy about it. Just ask H******, I am terrible about just blurting out exactly what I think. While this is refreshing in most political situations, as usually everyone sucks up to those in power, it can be detrimental in your every day relationships. You must pick those you suspect of being open-minded.

You MUST remember, most people have been bombarded with a certain image of methadone patients. This is the government policy used to keep us at their mercy. As long as we are thought of as the "cause of all the problems in society", it is easy to treat us with the contempt "we deserve". It is with this pre-concieved opinion that most people contemplate our existence. So, unless you advocate to someone with a mind of their own, you will be bringing much grief upon yourself. Even the truth doesn't affect some people.

So, first and foremost, remember that you must ride the bus with these people tommorrow, after you tell them you ARE a patient. Hopefully, they will see (through you) that their 'idea' of a patient is far from the "reality".

I have said before, and believe firmly, we must be twice as good as "regular" people at everything we do. It certainly isn't fair, but it's true. We cannot be tired, we must be "nodding". We cannot be ill, it must be the "drug effects". After people learn of your status, they tend to treat you differently. The enlightened ones you deal with will see the truth. Those are the ones we need to reach.

Actually, it is probably a good thing they have known you for a while before you tell them you're a patient. Maybe it will be easier for you to change their minds. But, please, DON'T feel guilty!! You have no reason. It is not an easy thing to do.

However, keep in mind that you eventually have to get to a point where you aren't ashamed of it either. It is at that point in time that you will be an asset to all other patients. Until you are comfortable with yourself, don't try to make others be comfortable with you.

Unfortunately, it is incumbent upon us, as patients who are integrated into society, to be our best at all times. It is trust we are asking for, and trust is not easily won. Especially when the government is spouting propaganda against you.

For every patient who lives on the outside of societal norms, there are five who live within its bounds. However, it is the one who lives outside that will be publicized.

Ours isn't an easy battle, but we can never give up, or let others fight it for us. We must all be leaders in the battle, as none of us is better than any of the others. Do what you can, Leah, noone can ask any more. How it ever got this far out of hand is another subject altogether, but this is the reality we were dealt when we became methadone patients. It is up to us to change it!! Our power will come when we organize.

So, advocate to other patients as well. With a little luck, maybe in our lifetime we will be treated as real people!!

Beth adds her .02 cents:

I am not ashamed of being a methadone patient, and I absolutely refuse to allow any counselor or clinic staff make me feel ashamed or that I am not recovering because I have methadone in my body -- so what?

This zero tolerance policy and insane war on drugs has to be stopped. All of this goes directly back to that. But, that's for another book.

It does not bother me one iota who knows I am taking methadone. In fact, a nurse I told some time ago just dropped off some home made cookies, candy and fudge, and a Christmas present. She saw me putting out an issue of Methadone Today, and she asked me if I worked for the newsletter. I told her that I edit and publish it and that I am a methadone patient.

After she picked her chin back up off the ground, she said, "Oh my--I thought all people on methadone were dysfunctional; I thought they were just kept doped up all the time. I can't believe you are taking methadone." I told her that most of what she has heard is completely untrue and that methadone patients are people just like me. She said, "Well, I have really been given some wrong information."

So, I gave her all the back issues of Methadone Today and the Methadone Treatment Works Compendium, and she took them in to the hospital where she works. She still takes a handful of copies of the newsletter to the hospital each month and distributes them.

By telling this one person that I am a methadone patient, she has a completely different concept of methadone and the people who take it. But, it didn't stop there--she educates people in the hospital every month when she takes the newsletter.

I don't care who knows I am on methadone, and if they are too close-minded to listen to the positive things about methadone, that's their loss. They cannot make me feel bad about being on methadone any longer.

I don't accept the philosophy of the abstinence only people. Whatever works for each individual is the best treatment for them.

That's why we have so many problems in the clinics and with the drug question altogether. I have zero tolerance for zero tolerance and hypocritical moral philosophers who say I should be abstinent."

I told one counselor, "Fine, if I am to be drug free, we'll take everybody and remove all of their endorphins (if that's even possible), and we'll all run around drug free--miserable, in pain, and unproductive, but we'll all be drug free.

What a concept!.

- March 1998

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