I must make a disclaimer, even though I have seen these suggestions work in many people's lives and I strongly feel my suggestions are valid and can work for almost everyone...  I am not a counselor and your use of my suggestions is solely at your own risk.  I take no responsibility for the consequences of your actions, if your car dies, World War III starts or it causes an uncontrolled desire for ice cream or indeed any other undesired consequence or effect occurs; you shall have my sympathies, but nothing else.

CLICK HERE --- My first advice to anyone with an addiction, or to someone with a loved one who is addicted

• Have you completed the recommendations on the START PAGE?  If not, please start there first!

• Consider taking an addiction self test -- you can find some in my (you guessed it) Addiction Self Test Area

• Have you completed the "I QUIT" checklist?  Click this link.

• DO YOU HAVE FILTERED INTERNET SERVICE - IF NOT PLEASE SERIOUSLY CONSIDER GETTING IT!!!

• Please consider a way to find others you can share this problem with

  • Recommendation? Visit www.settingcaptivesfree.com    enroll in their 60 day Bible Study, it (unlike many others) is truly life-changing!

    • STAY WITH THIS ABOVE RECOMMENDATION - VISIT IT DAY BY DAY AND YOU WILL SEE RESULTS IF YOU APPLY YOURSELF AND COMMIT YOURSELF to change.

• Also participate in the online support group at http://i.am/freeinchrist    This men's support group is Christ-based and very encouraging.  

  • FREE IN CHRIST is a group for men who wish to become free from all sexual sin, pornography in particular. Members are in various stages of the healing process.  It is a Christ-centered, interactive non-denominational group wherein the Bible is the absolute authority.  However, we also recognize that Christian counseling is a vehicle that the Lord may use for healing.  Peer advisement is the method of growth and support most often utilized.  Although we are not lead by a pastor, there are several clergymen from different Christian denominations within our ranks. The primary goal of this group is liberation through faith in Jesus Christ, our objective is to maintain a safe and protective support group where members' privacy is carefully maintained and guarded.
    

• Try this effective study - click here for the text file

•   - you can go to the links area and find on-line recovery groups!  It really helps to have others to share with.  

• It may seem hopeless, but the addiction can be beaten.  It will require honesty with yourself about your problems and addiction.

• Be open to the idea that you need God's help.  

• Buy a book by Patrick Carnes and read it.  (and apply his principles).

• Start a 12 step sexual recovery program in your area (Go to a major book store such as Barnes and Noble, or Borders and look in the self help are on 12 step groups, or addiction).  Find a church or community center that will allow you to have a meeting.

• Get involved with a 12 step program in your area and work the 12 steps with a sponsor who has had a good history of recovery.

•   Once you find a 12 step program (see # 7 above), get involved in a 12 step study.   The "first step" focuses on how the addiction is out of control, or how it is controlling you.  Give yourself permission to write about the nature of your addiction, the levels of what you do with complete reckless abandon.  (Talk about the frequency, the secrecy, costs, how long it's gone on, how it's evolved.)

•   Find a close friend and talk candidly about your problem. 

•   Find someone you can trust! Think of someone who you can have accountability with.  Take time in determining this, but not too much time.

•   If you have difficulty finding someone to share your burden, pray about it (and search for someone meet people who you find have a lot of integrity). 

•   Make time for yourself each day to reflect and grow spiritually, make it an appointment where you can have no distraction.  Be involved in a mentoring group where you are being mentored.

•   If you feel like acting out, ask yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT). 

•   Perform research on the destructive nature of the exploitation of women. 

•   You wouldn't ask an alcoholic to lick the outside of a beer bottle; in the same way, avoid places that you know will cause you to want to act out sexually in a destructive way.  

•   Sabotage your bad habits.

•   If you do give in to your addiction, retrace the thoughts in your mind that led you to your actions.  (And take actions to change this; It is easier to stop if you can arrest the thoughts that lead you to addictive actions.

•   Take a fearless and brutally honest inventory of your addiction research the following:  (And share it with another human being!)

•      How much money do you spend each week, month, year write it down.

•      How many hours do you spend each day, week, month, year with pornography or destructive sexual behavior. write it down.

•     Does your addiction cause you to not have money available for basic needs? write it down.

•     What effect does it have on your family your sexual relation with your spouse? write it down.

•   Do you neglect your children because you're squandering time in your addiction? write it down.

•   Do you lie about how you spend your money, or cover it up in some way to hide it from others? write it down.

•   Has your addiction impacted your job?

•   Have you ever been late to work because of your addiction?

•   Have you ever lied to coworkers because of your addiction?

•   Have you ever been fired because of your addiction?

•   What was the beginning of your addiction?

•   How has your addiction grown and evolved?

•   Make a list of all the promises you've broken to yourself.  To others.

•   FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN SHARE THIS WITH DON'T GO ALONE.

•   Some people are bound by confidentiality by their position or profession, such as pastors, priests, and (many) therapists. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS!

• Open the phone book or newspapers and look for 12 step groups and ask for a referral perhaps to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. (some newspapers only print this once a week)

• Chances are, if you're addicted in this way, then you have a lack of intimacy (non sexual and sexual with your spouse).   

• Consider with the help of a counselor how you can be vulnerable with your fears to your close ones in your life.

• Dial your telephone information operator and ask for the local Al-Anon group, or AA group.   Call them and ask for a referral (even if you don't drink, they may know of groups that deal with sexual/porn addiction).

• Research the Internet to educate yourself against pornography.  Look at topics related to pornography, like the exploitation of women and children.  Consider how pornography distances the viewer from their conscience.  (My links page and stories page is a good place to start).

•   As an experiment in your own thoughts...  Imagine you are in a large stadium and it's completely packed with people.  Imagine there is a platform in the center of the playing field with a microphone and cameras going to every major television network and news agency.  Imagine confessing your addiction problem in unabridged detail in this scenario.  Write down what you would say (you may want a safe deposit box for this).  How long would your confession last?  How do you feel when you imagine discussing it in this way?  What comes to mind when you think of this?   What do you suppose the reaction would be?

            - What would be the audience's response?

            - At your work place, what would they think?

            - Your community?

            - Your immediate family, your children (other relatives)

            - Your friends

            - Your spouse or significant other?

            - What would be on the 11 O'clock news that night?

            - Would 20/20 be interested?

            - What would you do to change after this event?

39. Find a counselor.  Some counselors charge more than others.  If you don't feel comfortable with a counselor, consider the possibility of finding another one (be sure it's not your denial causing you to seek another counselor). 

40. Some counselors charge based on your income.

41. Some communities offer free counseling to people based on their circumstances. 

42. Talk to a medical doctor if you can't find someone to get treatment from.  They often know colleagues or resources they can refer you to.

43. Join a group of people where you have an agreement to be completely accountable with each other (for the purpose of recovery). 

44. Many organizations offer this - Find a 12 step group and get a sponsor (a person who acts as a mentor) with whom you can share your life and what you are going through. 

45. Start a 12 step group if you don't have one in your area!  Go to my links page and find the organizations I've listed (online organizations), and get involved with them! 

46. Contact the Christian Group called the "Navigators" and be involved in their discipleship/mentoring programs. 

47. Be involved in other organizations that help the homeless (something to help you be more attuned to the pain and suffering in the world). 

48. (See disclaimer in links page)  Promise Keepers is against pornography; They have mentoring to help men become ethical and build stronger relationships (and be involved in a consistent study). 

49. Find a 12 step meeting and volunteer aid the group in some capacity (after a period of time, you could facilitate the group or help in another capacity).

50. Go find a Salvation Army and ask to help with their mission in helping the community.

51. Systematically go through every link listed on this site and see what they have to offer to help people break their addiction to porn. 

52. Write your own story and share it with someone you can trust in your local area.

53. What can you do today to set the stage for you to experience  tomorrow's freedom?

54. Do you think you might have a problem with pornography or need advice - click here

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