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BACHELORS
Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
Oscar Wilde
BARRETT, RONA
She doesn't need a steak knife. Rona cuts her food with her tongue.
Johnny Carson
BASEBALL
Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being ended sooner.
George Bernard Shaw
BEAUTY
I'm tired of all this nonesense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
Jean Kerr
BEVERLY HILLS
If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes.
Robert Redford
BIBLE
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain
Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
Ambrose Bierce
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
G.K. Chesterton
BIGAMY
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde
BLOODSHED
I must apologize for the lack of bloodshed in tonight's program. We shall try to do better next time.
Alfred Hitchcock
BOOKS
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
Oscar Levant
BORES
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Ambrose Bierce
We often forgive those who bore us, but we cannot forgive those whom we bore.
Francois De La Rochfoucauld
He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
Samuel Johnson
Bores bore each other too, but it never seems to teach them anything.
Don Marquis
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
Oscar Wilde
BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIANS
The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
Herb Caen
He's a born-again Christian. The trouble is, he suffered brain damage during rebirth.
Anonymous
BREVITY
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
Dorothy Parker
BROTHERHOOD
The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream: it is a most depressing and humiliating reality.
Oscar Wilde
It's silly to go on pretending that under the skin we are all brothers. The truth is more likely that under the skin we are all cannibals, assassins, traitors, liars, hypocrits, poltroons.
Henry Miller
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