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Tips for Traveling in West Virginia
Remember I'm a West Virginian before you send me
grouchy mail about this joke! I don't mind making fun
of myself! :)
- If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four
men in a four-wheel drive pickup and a tow chain will
be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out
of their way. This is what they live for.
- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fish
bait in the same store.
- Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is
plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.
- Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here,
are ya?"
- Don't be worried at not understanding what people
are saying ... they can't understand you either.
- "Mama'n'em" is not one person. When someone asks,
"How's your Mama'n'em?" They are referring to the whole
family.
- Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid
defense here.
- If you hear a West Virginian exclaim, "Hey, y'all
watch this!" stay out of the way. These are likely the
last words he'll ever say.
- When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the
middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to
drive on a John Deere and the rest learned to drive
while road hunting in the back roads. In both cases,
this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
- Do not be surprised to find that 10 year olds own
their own shotguns and are proficient marksmen. Or that
their mamas taught them how to aim.
- Shakespeare is a rod or a reel, not a writer.
- Duct tape is not only part of every survival kit,
it is the whole kit.
- Rasslin' is not fake. Don't dare whisper otherwise
unless you want a kind-hearted West Virginian to fix
your busted head with duct tape.
- Grapefruit is not a substitute for biscuits and
gravy.
- Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis are good
ole boys. Jeff Gordon isn't.
- Turkey hunters actually curse Noah for letting
coyotes and armadillos on the Ark.
- If you hear a turkey gobble, get out of the way.
Some West Virginians view that sound like pay-off bells
at a slot machine.
- Don't be surprised if an obituary mentions that the
deceased requested to be buried in his four-wheel drive
truck because, "It ain't never been in a hole it
couldn't get out of."
- "Y'all come back now, ya hear," is a temporary
statement. We love Yankees to visit, but darn (or
worse) Yankees are those who decide to stay.
- If you decide to stay in West Virginia and bear
children, don't think we will accept them as West
Virginians. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits!