It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid into your fishtank. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when company comes over. End-All will also give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It hides your car keys when you are late for work.

It invites your mother-in-law over for a month. It replaces the sugar in your coffee with sweetener, gives you a headache with Excedrin written all over it, causes your cable to only tune in home repair programs, cancels all your magazine subscriptions, and makes you personally responsible for the Red River flood.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

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