Who said WHAT?

And I Quote...!

Every group builds up sayings and imagery over time. This page is devoted to the concept, honoring those zingers which will live on in our collective memories for far too long...and which we probably find far too funny...

Paul K.: "uh, is a +5 flail magical?" asked in earnest when he learned you need magical weapons to hurt gargoyles. Of course, I then told him he couldn't give his character magical items 'from her family', so the beasties ripped her apart...

Lee Ann: "We're dead now," pronounced whenever anything possibly negative happened, such someone misses their save or as three kobolds show up.

David Ott: "Another ranger/cleric? No. They're a dime a dozen," whenever they were mentioned, after playing for a solid weekend and every ranger/cleric that joined the party died horribly. I believe the count reached 48 by Sunday...

Lori: "So I guess Slick's just a smudge," after Don's thief, Slick, failed to remove explosive runes from a chest and was totally incinerated

Paul S.: "David, lose the Thor-hammer guy," now known as Rhom StrongArm, 9th lvl warsmith and mainstain of the giant-slayers of Klarr.

Solinane aka Elf: "Mirror, mirror on the wall, give me the neat-o-est bow of all"

"Black Zorba? RUUUNNN!!!" one of the party members had katana made of the same indestructible, black crystal as the portals of Melinbonéan legend...

DC: "Solinane, you note a secret door 30' up ahead in the cavern."
Elf: "See, elves are so cool. They can spot secret doors. Okay, I open it."
DC: "A dozen ghouls jump out of the phony secret door and slaughter you guys."
DM's note, elves actually can't see secret doors any further than 10' distant...

Rod: "What? This is not my die," after failing his saving throw. He then demanded a new roll using HIS dice.

DC: "So this black cat wanders across the path ahead…"
Tony (a good ranger): "I shoot it and eat it," ruthlessly said without a moment's hesitation, the player knowing full-well that it was Elf's new hengeyokai PC

"It's the curse of Fingle," coined by Elf after his kenku PC was the sole survivor of six different low-level parties. Once the curse was "broken" (a party Fingle was on didn't all die on the first game), one of Fingle's old parties returned because they "missed him" -- you see, that whole group was turned into vampires and wanted to share the "dark gift" with their kenku buddy...

Paul S.: "Who's the black bitch?" said of the female drow cleric/warsmith assassin-team leader moments before she lightning bolted the party and started smashing the survivors with her +4 throwing hammer of lightning

Tommy about Kozar: "Oh there I go shitting, and pissing, and barfing, and burning," after failing his zillionth save vs fear while adventuring with Moorak and Shaa. Most of the time he rolled a 1 and was kidded about leaving a "little yellow trail".

"What's a plus two sword of 'Solinane wants'?" asks Elf, who plays Solinane. It's been nearly 18 years and neither he, nor the gamer group at large still knows what the damn thing does!

Tommy: "I am Kozar the Kozarian, King of all Kozarians," the only 'Kozarian' and also now quite dead.

"Do you have a vowel in your alignment?" The only alignment initials with vowels are the evils ones; LE, NE, and CE.

DC as Zamaric: "Someone hold off Zé for a round," Zé was a 18/00 strength centaur ranger, at the time possessed by a soul-sucking short sword and the rest of the surviving party members were low level mages, 1990.

Aaron: "Fakey!" said in response to anything Aaron didn't believe was fair, didn't think should happen, didn't understand, didn't like, or just to annoy the DM.

Elf as Jyoli: "Evil Elf, dead by 9:00." An amazing statement of party cohesion in face of a mysterious elven nemesis with Houdini-like escape abilities (the crat-killing elf, Lanolin). This was after several games where the party sat on their thumbs all evening.

DC (exasperated) to Jon: "Jon, that was dumb. Save vs Int or don't have any"
Jon (hopefully): "I rolled a 9…". Yup, he really did roll, too…1990.

Oz: "Why can't you make more concealed die rolls?" asked after I rolled his character's (failed) 'secret saving throw' in front of everyone, with the implication that I should have fudged the roll.

"The Staff of Law was found in Furyondy," chanted as absolute truth by every NPC and rumor-check to this day. Ironically, the two month long game through Furyondy was actually a complete diversion, because the Staff was in the Highlands in whole time, began in 1990.

DC as Borlon the Mighty to Raitan Drake and Tetsuko no Kuwahara: "You gave the Staff of Law to WHO?!?" Borlon had raised Raitan a few months earlier and agreed to postpone Rai's quest until he finished his quest for getting Tets raised. Little did Borlon suspect that meant giving the Staff to the Cult of Set.

Aaron as Krell to Vainomen (wounded, captured, and charmed NPC mage): "Drink this. If that doesn't make you feel better, then drink this." Krell then handed the mage two bottles of two different virulent poisons and left (but earned a vowel in his alignment!).

Aaron (at 3am while I was trying to sleep): "Okay, David, David, I want to put that ring on."
DC (sleepy): "Which ring?"
Aaron: "That ring that has the demons and devils dancing around on it and that's probably obviously cursed."
DC: "Can we do this in the morning?"
Aaron: "I wanna know now."
DC: "*sigh* Fine. Okay, you put it on."
Aaron (excited): "I try to take it off."
DC: "You can't."
Aaron: "WHAT????!!!!"
DC: "You CAN'T take it off"
Aaron: "Okay, David, this was all just a dream, you're sleeping, we never had this conversation..."

Aaron as Dorel, the lackluster, over-the-hill, wanna-be elven poet and 'hero': "Petal!"

Chris: "Disintigwate!" said after a long, tongue-tied, frustrated pause when trying to describe the illusion Cryptos was casting directly on a stone giantess.

Aaron is whining about something so David Ott shoots him with a pith ball from a toy gun.
Aaron (slightly irritated): "What's this?"
David Ott: "Read it." The pith ball is labeled "Vague Bomb".
Aaron: "What? Who am I? What am I doing here? Who are you people?"

Elf as Torhallen the werewolf: "He's like the Elvis of violence," said about the beserker, Tyrvol Findolf (Rest in Pieces)

Chris as Sir Exvyn de Lyonnain after magically being cursed to gain 40 lbs (and no longer fit in his magical plate mail): "C'mon, there's gotta be a mage out there who whipped up a spell to take off a few pounds."

David Ott (as anonymous NPC): "Give the bitch the shield." Said in response to a banshee running and wailing around Greyhawk trying to recover her stolen magical shield from the party. The guy who stole it was Chris' cleric of Seeker, Imhotep.

Ananda as Kinsa the witch after she'd been reincarnated as a mite, "W'dwa's w'nd, W'dwa's w'nd, W'dwa's w'nd." You see, mites can't speak correctly and Kinsa was desperately trying to speak the command word ("Rudra's Wind") for the carpet of flying she was on, before it carried her into the Bright Desert without food or water, but with the dead PC who was controlling it (she had to jump off and the carpet circled the planet for a few months).

Diane: "Let me just tell you that horse-size hurts."
Chris: "Maybe you should try smaller farm animals."

DC as Nijo (sumo-wrestler reincarnated as a hobbit, so spoken in a false alto): "Puckernuts!" this was the closest he'd come to swearing.

David Ott: "David is performing a little-known surgical procedure. It's called 'be-a-dick-to-me'."

Diane: "Never steal food from a pregnant woman!" yelled while straddling Chris, legs firmly planted on either side, pulling a licorice rope out of his mouth, after having leaped over another player to reach him, all while being eight months pregnant.

Chris to Kari aka Jessica Talgris: "The next time you and Kalavor get in a fight, tell him to knock you DOWN." At the time, the Talgris family had only three children. At this point they have eight (Samandra, Rhion, Willish, Urthur, Holly, Ben, Siobhne, and another "cub" on the way), 1995.

David Ott as Margus Jamiah: "It's my planet; I care," 1995.

"She's had a dream someone was eating her," said about Soren, an houri, eaten by werehyenas in her sleep, 1995.

Jason: "Hey, Amajaro! horseshoes of speed!"
David Ott (mildly annoyed): "I can't wear 'em!" Amajaro is a paantar (panther-like cat-man, who strongly dislikes centaurs).

David Ott (clearly annoyed): "Don, kill the crocodiles and *I'll* give you eeps!" said after the DM as the crocodiles chanted "Set said you must die, Set said," about a dozen times too many.

KK: "That's funny!"
DC: "Funny til I do it to your character," about what a potion of petrification does to the drinker

KK: "Da dah doo dick?" when a kraken suddenly grabbed her character with multiple tentacles. The really funny part is all of us at the table knew exactly what she was trying to say. And now we know, kraken ARE limited to two tentacles per victim...

Ray: "Yo, ho, ho on a dead man's chest, and that chest is mine!"

David Ott as Balthazar "Zar" Coven to his girl-friend, Bethany Drake: "And what's this 'unruly guy' stuff, anyway? No one comes out of dungeon slug-fest looking like they're ready for the Royal Ball. It's not like I'm some scruffy-lookin' nerf herder."

David Ott as Ezra Twiceborn: "I'm not too keen about someone who's only heard of baking to make me some bread," about non-clerical Angellian worshippers trying to use a sacred chalice to make holy water, 3/9/96 at 12:45am

Kari as Ian: "I pocket it," said about a holy bible of Angellus found in His church by a devout worshipper when the low level priest turned up missing, 3/9/96 at 12:49am

DC as Gamoth: "Ian, hold off the fire giants for a round." Ian was at five hit points, the fire giants were fine, while Gamoth was at full hit points (around 90) and wielding a staff of giant slaying.

David Ott: "Eating intelligent creatures is dangerous; wearing them is just tacky," spoken by Amajaro (a paantar) during the first Demonweb game

DC: "No, Hell is four planes that way," to Kari's comment during the first Demonweb game "this must be an oasis in Hell", 5/7/98

Lori: "You want naga-hide?" referring to the now-slain spirit naga the party just wasted, 5/11/98

David Ott: "That's no wee little hobbit; that's the Anti-Christ!" after Nijo (3'3", VERY pudgy, and 15 strength) used sumo-wrestling maneuvers to beat the crap out of Bisar (the "Scottish" 7'+ Minotaur wrestler with 18/00 strength) twice in a row during Mortal Kombat

David Ott: "Parlez-vous glub, glub?" to a merman, 9/4/98

DC: "Why am I doing this anyway? I don't get any eeps! Oh yeah, to save the party," said by Vladimir Drake, who was changing classes to be a mage but reverted to his fighting skills, 9/11/98

David Ott: "The fist word of 'bastard' is Bast!" griping about the lack of support from Carnelia's goddess during the second Underdark game, 9/18/98

Paul: "Does someone have a haste spell?" with regard to Jyoli's / Elf's eulogy at the marriage of Asfaloth and Vanor.

Kari as Samandra Talgris: "I can sleep with an ogre if I want to!" said while arguing with her father about dating Kyron Drake, who at the time was stuck in an ogre's body.

DC as Kalavor the werebear to Beulla after her night-long orgy with the locals: "I could track you for a week…"

Elf as Tyris=Flare, worshipper of Ishtar, goddess of love and war: "You're not having sex unless we're ALL having sex," said mostly to Kalavor and Jessica Talgris. I guess you need ground rules in a party with a married couple...

Paul, in reference to Zarabell and Caeleia having a lesbian encounter: "She'd gnaw on your clit like a raw-hide bone."

Jason Lee: "Beef; it makes you sweat!" It would seem that eating BBQ at the gaming table is aerobic...

Kari: "A tower implies stairs," said while the DM was trying desperately to come up with a centaur-friendly game scenario, 10/4/03

DC as Daisy: "We're hobbits; we have comfy holes!" in response to Ray's quip "Why don't you go wallow in a hole?" Daisy was holding hands and snuggling with her boy-friend, Billy, during an adventure, 11/19/04

Ray to Gor the lizardman druid: "Herb yourself." Kari: "I think he'll need a whole healing salve," since, after all, Gor's leg was severed... 11/19/04

Tim to DC the DM: "You're a dick; that's because Ray is dead." It would seem that whenever Ray can't make it to a game or his character is suffering, all the misery of the party rests on Tim's characters. Heck, sometimes he and Ray just take turns being unlucky SOBs, 11/22/04

DC as Gamoth: "I can give Clara payment" (insert baw-chicka-baw-baw, porn music). Ray: "Anyone can!" 1/8/05

"It's pink. It's furry. And it's all mine!" This from Jason, Elf's six year old son, as he stole Kari's hot pink, faux-fur Christmas blankie during a game. I should note, he was actually playing and doing a decent job...! Elf, man, you're starting him young...!

And while I'm being so nostalgic, I'd like to give a nod to all the players who've left their mark (for good or ill) over the years :

Pat O'Hara, Sean (Baghavat) Rice, Sean Morris, Lee Ann Wright, Tiffany, Scott Blashek, Paul Kadelka, Douglas Maxwell, Andreas Maas, David Ott, Cathy George, Gilbert Moore, Alan Dawson, Tim, Adam Bowman, Steve Kraus, Genia, Jo Anne, David Edelstein, Camille Dolis, Heidi (Duke) Bowman, Don Duke, Lori (Sloan) Pardi, Paul Schneider, Andy (Elf) Chittum, Rod (Dwarf) Sherman, Tony (Drow) Ackerman, Danny, Charles, Gerôme, Caryn Francese, Alain, Marie and the gang at Castle Nantes, Ted Barber, Diane (Ananda) Doty, Lisa-Anne (Dreamer) Dickerson, Tommy Ott, Bryan Beckstrand, Michael (FLM), Eric Jurgelit, Jon Grivich, (Squidly) Hennesy, Andrew (Oz) Zorio, Aaron Ritchey, Peter Chittum, Kari (Stewart) Craighead, Chris Cobb, Jason Cebrian, Anne-Marie Martino, Bob (Lord Soth), Diane, Jerome, April (Phillips) Cobb, Seamus Phillips, Steven George, Ray Craighead, Andi (She-Elf), David (Viking) Walters, Tim Bates, Kirk DeVincentes, Paul Arias, Chris Aardappel, Jason (Tim) Lee, Paul Ortiz, Michelle (Mickey) Hoffman, Jeff Jacobson, Aaron Jacobson, Gordon Fernandes, Tim Allison, Jason Chittum, and anyone I've forgotten.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Additions? Corrections? PLEASE Lemme know!