Since the dawn of labeling, I have been a nerd. Now, many years later, I have decided to take it upon myself to create a manifesto of nerdiness. I have many reasons for doing so, among which are the general ignorance of nerddom and the unrecognized importance of nerds in society.
Although all nerds are different, most tend to have a few characteristics in common. One of the most obvious is their lack of coordination. A nerd is generally rather clumsy. Rarely are they very good at sports. This is not necessarily their most important aspect, but it is usually the most easily recognized.
Nerds also tend to be fairly intelligent. There are many explanations for this. Some claim that it is due to an excess of free time. Some say that nerds are more easily motivated. Some say that they are just more inclined to be intellectuals. Whatever the reason, cleverness is doubtlessly a key element of nerddom.
Oftentimes, nerds can be recognized by their dress. though many do not go to the extreme of pocket protectors, most tend to be a little bit out of fashion. Whether this is due to ignorance or simply carelessness has yet to be proven.
Finally, there are a few purely physical features that seem to make one more inclined to enter a state of nerdiness. For example, a tall nerd is truly a rare find. Poor eyesight is a must. For one reason or another, the majority of nerds also have dark hair.
However, these characteristics alone by no means guarantee that one will become a nerd. There are several steps that must be completed before a true state of nerdhood can be acquired. The first is denial. This step usually occurs when one is first labeled. It can last anywhere between a few months and a few years. During this time, the potential nerd refuses to see the truth, insisting that he possesses none of the typical nerd qualities.
Next comes a state of resentment. This will usually last approximately half the time of the denial. It is at this stage that many of the signs of nerdiness begin to manifest themselves more clearly. During this time, the nerd is usually in a rather poor mood. Although he recognizes that his becoming a nerd is inevitable, he is by no means happy about the idea, and resists it with all of his strength.
Third, one reaches the state of acceptance. No longer does one fight being a nerd, but neither does one yet especially like it. Rather than lasting a period of months or years, the state of acceptance usually only persists for a few moments.
Then, the nerd plunges into a state of despair known as the low self-esteem stage. This is perhaps the ugliest of all the steps of nerdhood. At this point, the nerd recognizes that there is no turning back. Not yet realizing the many virtues of nerddom, people at this stage are understandably glum concerning their social standing. This leads to a general lack of energy and emotion.
However, after two weeks to three months, the nerd comes out of this stage. He then reaches the state of approval, much more joyful than any that have come before. At this point, the nerd begins to greatly enjoy his nerdiness. He finds his label not only appropriate, but also quite desirable. Nerds have a great deal of fun at this stage, as they have broken away from the hierarchy of popularity, and can do whatever they want without fear of losing status among their classmates.
Finally, after several years of approval, the nerd reaches a state where he can no longer recall any other form of life. The nerd is still quite happy with his position, but now looks wisely back upon the last few years, realizing that no other outcome was possible. This is the culmination of nerddom, and usually lasts the remainder of the nerd's life.
Although all nerds progress in more or less this manner, there are varying degrees of nerdiness. Some people simply aren't as proficient at being nerds as others. Therefore, when nerds reach their final stage, they can usually be classified as one of five types.
The lowest class of nerd is the type that seems to be uncomfortable around other nerds. Although completely accepting of his position, he still does not yet see the other nerds as true peers. Nerds such as this are never truly as happy as other nerds, for they still retain a few traits of pre-nerddom.
Next, we reach the group of nerds that are indeed comfortable among their own kind. While they may still possess a few non-nerd attributes, they do not mind socializing with other nerds, and are never afraid of being seen with them. A nerd of this sort lives an adequate life, although he is never quite as comfortable as he could be.
The largest category of nerdhood represents those who are completely and utterly accepting of their position. They retain absolutely no desire to become less nerdlike. However, they tend to shy away from openly describing their nerdiness, as it is not exactly a source of pride.
The happiest group of nerds consists of those who truly enjoy their position. They sincerely like being a nerd, and everything that goes with it. It is at this point that many begin to consider the term "nerd" to be a heartfelt compliment, and fail to understand how anyone could believe otherwise. Contrary to popular belief, these nerds usually do have several good friends. Most importantly of all, they are completely satisfied with themselves.
The most extreme type of nerddom consists of individuals who define the very concept of nerdiness. This is a very small, but absolutely vital part of nerd civilization as we know it. Nerds such as this allow their qualities to extend past their personal lives and reach into their professional existence. Many, such as Bill Gates, become famous. These nerds are an example to the rest of us.
As with any other group, there will always be those who refuse to admit the existence of nerds. Sometimes these are people who have tried to become nerds, but failed. Other times, they represent those who still believe that nerds lack any self-respect. Whatever the cause, there are various methods that these people use to attack the reality of nerddom.
The most common and least intelligent method of attacking nerds is declaring that nerdhood is bad. This is usually done by those who do not understand nerds. They claim that calling someone a nerd is an insult, and most of their dealings with self-announced nerds reflect this.
Other people prefer to refute the existence of nerds on an individual basis. They never explicitly say that nerds do not exist; rather, they contact various nerds and inform them that they possess few nerdlike qualities. While this foolish method is generally unsuccessful, it can sometimes persuade those at the beginning stages of nerdhood to reconsider their position.
The most extreme form of anti-nerd propaganda is the blatant denial of its existence. The few people who hold this viewpoint insist that the term "nerd" is only a label. Whether or not such a term is desirable is irrelevant. In order to hold this viewpoint, an individual must usually be both very determined and very ignorant.
As I have alluded several times, nerddom is a position with many benefits. Some are rather trivial, and do not need to be addressed here. Others, however, are vital to the existence of nerdhood. It is these that explain why such a position is so desirable.
One undeniable advantage to being a nerd is the incredible resiliency that comes with it. As I have previously stated, full nerds have long since passed their stage of low self-esteem and lack of confidence. They no longer possess much interest in the concepts of "popularity" and "coolness" that seem to attract so many others.
As a result, nerds are virtually impossible to insult. It matters not whether the offender is held in awe by the rest of society; the nerd does not care. To him, others are only those who were not qualified to be nerds; those who deserve pity, not admiration. Because of this, a nerd will usually forget any remarks made against his character or appearance. He realizes that he is fortunate to be free from the need of making such remarks himself.
However, nerds are by no means above petty amusements. They have worked hard to reach their position, and they have a right to enjoy it. One of the most entertaining aspects of nerddom is the aura that all nerd possess.
Nerds are surrounded by a strange field of undetectable energy. Although the precise diameter of this field varies with the confidence of its owner, it is usually around ten feet. Nerds are impervious to each other's auras. However, those who are not nerds find approaching the field to be physically painful. The cooler someone is held to be, the greater the pain. For this reason, true nerds are rarely seen with non-nerds.
However, the chief quality of nerdiness is the state of comfort in which nerds spend the majority of their lives. Not necessarily exterior comfort, mind you, but interior comfort. Without a doubt, this complete acceptance and satisfaction forms the essence of nerddom.
Most non-nerds are constantly concerned with their image. Their demeanor changes depending on the situation. When alone, they behave much like nerds, but when in the presence of others, they subconsciously become a different person. A non-nerd is never real, he's always pretending to be someone else.
A nerd, on the other hand, has put such concerns out of his mind. He is the same person by himself, with his friends, or with strangers. He may seem difficult to get to know, but this is only because he allows his entire personality to be exposed rather than just a small fraction of it. He is almost always at ease, and has far fewer things to worry about than non-nerds.
Before I leave you, I wish to dispel a few common myths about nerds. One of these is that all nerds are egotistical. This is simply not true. They do not have to impress others with their abilities, for they are content. On the other hand, they do not constantly insult themselves, for they are confident. Nerds are neither egotistical nor modest, but merely accepting.
Another misguided notion is that nerds are unhappy with their position. As I have explained, this could not be further from the truth. Unfortunately, it is difficult to perceive the many advantages of nerddom until one has become a full-fledged nerd.
There are also some misunderstandings concerning what exactly a nerd is. Although such a concept cannot be easily defined, nerds are not people who enjoy studying and test-taking. Neither are they cowards, afraid to try anything new. If you look carefully, you will see that although a few nerds are like this, so are many people of other social groups.
Finally, there is the belief that nerds do not like to be reminded of their status. Although this idea is certainly correct for those that are merely beginning to explore their nerdiness, or those who belong to one of the lower classes of nerdhood, it does not apply to the vast majority of nerds. Do not be afraid to call a nerd just that, for he will generally be complimented by your notice.
As I have explained, nerds are both real and necessary. The world could not function without nerds. Although there are a few exceptions, nerds are also generally the happiest people in the world. No longer does the term "nerd" represent a vague insult. Instead, it has grown into a magnificent and wonderful philosophy.