Diary 231

12-29-98



Okay, in the spirit of Christmas, I'm going to have a little giveaway....remember that little bear Krisco had been leaving around Dirk's room in early February (this was near Valentine's Day)? Well, it's been sitting around my room, complete with all the pins I jammed into it during a fit of boredom. Pia and I amused ourselves for about an hour by using the pins to change the bear's appearance. Anyway, the Krisco chapter in my life has been closed, aside from titillating gossip, for a while now. So, I think it's time to quit making the bear pay for her sins.

I don't think I can honestly give the bear the good home it deserves. Secure in this knowledge, I have pulled all the pins out of its small white plush body, and am offering it to the first person who e-mails me with their address. I ask that you not use it, as I have, for a pin cushion. That's mean. I want it to have a good home.

Think of it...a little bit of history is yours forever....it could be the perfect Christmas gift for a loved one (assuming you don't get as fixated on it as Krisco did). E-mail me to get it.

I was considering cutting the head off and putting it in a wrapped box, to be left on her doorstep. Luckily, I realized that this wasn't a normal impulse, and restrained myself.

I've been having a lot of disturbing impulses lately.

I'm in the midst of writing a letter to my Uncle Leon. There's a bit of background to explain here.

When my father was about five, his mother ran off, leaving him in the custody of my grandfather. She had no contact with her son, and discouraged him from contacting her. The news came through the gossip channels that she had another son, quite a few years later. My father tried, in vain, to contact his half-brother, but his mother made sure that Leon never knew about it.

When I was about sixteen, my grandmother got cancer...everywhere. Her liver, lungs, spleen and kidneys. She'd been pretty wild and use, with drug abuse and alcoholism (as well as chain-smoking), so no-one was really surprised. However, with her sick in the hospital, my Uncle Leon really didn't have anyone to turn to except us. He'd call regularly, usually during the day, and talk to me, the only person ever home. After my grandmother died (after calling my father once to make amends, and evincing no interest whatsoever in me, her only grandchild), Leon was at loose ends, because he'd only gotten a GED, and had never really gone to college.

He tried, I'll give him that. He got a job, got a house, and got a car. Unfortunately, he also got a live-in girlfriend who had her name on the title to the car. One day, when Leon was about 26 (I was 17), said girlfriend ran off with both the car and Leon's savings.

It was at this point that he called my father and begged him to let him come to Virginia so he could get a job here and go to college. Begged. I mean, the guy was in dire straits. My father, caring soul that he is, told Leon (kindly) that he wasn't welcome here, and suggested he join the military.

We never heard from Uncle Leon again.

I always felt bad about that, because my father didn't have a real good reason not to let Leon live with us in Virginia until he got a job and could get a place of his own. His reasoning behind the decision? He was afraid his backward half-brother would "take advantage of me". Keep in mind, I was already with Roachboy at this point, and we certainly weren't practicing celibacy. Keep in mind, also, that the only people who've ever taken advantage of me were Roachboy and my own parents....I can pretty well take care of myself.

Also, there was no reason to be so suspicious of Leon. He didn't have a reputation for "taking advantage" of young girls. My father was just freaking out because I got along with Leon, and we'd talk for a long time (mostly about the differences between Oklahoma and Virginia).

So, I'm sure Leon was quite justifiably hurt, and decided we obviously didn't want anything to do with him. That's the impression I would have gotten if I was in his position. He needed us and my father told him to go fuck himself.

I miss Leon, and I worry about him. I managed to find his address on one of those people searches, and I'm going to write him.

He must have gone through living hell after my father turned him away. I'm not sure what kind of reception he'll give my impromptu letter. Cross your fingers for me.

Something interesting: without warning, the SuperCrown near my house closed. For good. Dirk says that the company isn't doing well, but still...shouldn't they have had a couple weeks of Going Out of Business sales?

I liked that store! I bought all of my Laurel K. Hamilton books there. And they were the only store within a thirty mile radius that carried Chelsea Quinn Yarbro. Borders doesn't carry shit in the way of fiction.

Anyway, I'm due to do some serious webring management.

Glee, where are you? Did I piss you off?

I love you all. Especially those of you who hate me.

(9:30 a.m.) Ooh, here's a thought that just struck me. CuntFace? Are you still out there? Are you and Roachboy still "engaged"? I'm curious....did he give you a ring? I don't mean one that came out of a gumball machine. I mean a diamond ring. If he did, is it one that he gave to one of his previous three or so "fiancees" this year, then took back when they dumped him for being obsessive?

I mean, it's kind of cheap to say you're engaged when you don't even have a ring. Are you cheap?

(11:50 p.m.) So there I was, standing in the parking lot of Chesapeake Bay Seafood House, in the middle of the night, shivering. Why? I was talking to ‘Bert, of course.

After I dropped Dirk off at work on Saturday night, I had about two hours to kill. Now, the temptation always exists to simply drive around my neighborhood like a stalker, but I always deny myself little pleasures like that. So, I decided to go to Chesapeake Bay and wait for ‘Bert to get off work. Like a stalker.

When I pulled up, ‘Bert was already off work, and was in his car, smoking. I pulled alongside him and got out of my car at the same time he did. I ran up, hugged him, hugged him again, and we talked. It was utterly freezing, and my teeth were chattering, but I wasn't going to give up the opportunity.

He doesn't do too much these days. Works and plays guitar, mostly. We're going to go see him on Wednesday. Hopefully.

(2:50 p.m.) And the winner is...Heather! Sorry guys, the bear is no longer up for dibs. That was awful quick. She will be receiving her prize in the next week.

The Krisco bear is going to a better place.



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