FUN & WHIMSICAL LAUGHTER


I have SO many variations on this joke, I thought I would set them here, compiled, for all to see. If you have something to add to it, send it to me via e-mail. Otherwise, read on and enjoy....

You Know You Have a COMPulsion (or) You Know You are an Internet/Email Junkie if...

  1. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  2. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
  3. Your bookmark/favorites list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
  4. Your nightmares are in HTML and animated GIFS, with Javascripts running in the background.
  5. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  6. You start introducing yourself as "John Doe at someisp dot com"
  7. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
  8. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
  9. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you what she looks like.
  10. When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
  11. Your dog has its own home page.
  12. You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.
  13. You check your email before you check your answering machine.
  14. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
  15. Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.
    • OR..Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
  16. You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
  17. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
    • OR..You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
    • OR..You've never actually met many of your friends.
  18. Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.
  19. You name your children Eudora, Mozillia and Dotcom.
  20. You spend a rough plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
  21. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
  22. You laugh at people with 9600-baud modems, and you drool when you hear about cable connection coming to your area.
  23. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
  24. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
  25. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
  26. When taking a taxi, you tell the cab driver you live at "http://www.edison.garden.1000/house/brick.html."
  27. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
  28. When planning your vacation, instead of asking about cable hook-up, you ask whether their phones have a data port.
  29. You hear the phrase "need for speed" on a car commercial. It makes you decide to sell your car, and buy a faster modem, a faster hard drive, and a T1 connection to your home. You weren't using the car much anyway.
  30. You have more than one home page.
  31. It takes over three hours to check for new entries in all your guestbooks. And when there are none, you check again.
  32. You know exactly how much hard drive space you have free, how many megs you've used in your homepage servers, and the anniversary start date of all your counters... but you don't know your spouse's birthday.
  33. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  34. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
  35. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
  36. Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
  37. You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."
  38. You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
  39. The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.
  40. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
  41. You spend more time on the Internet than you do sleeping.
  42. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
  43. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. ...And you succeed.

    And for the chataholics...

  44. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
  45. When conversing via phone or in person you say things like, "lol, that is hysterical", "hugs, how are you today?", and "smiles, fine, thank you".
  46. You find real time conversations difficult to follow, because you don't have a scroll-back feature.
  47. You do all your research on the web now. Asking people their opinion in a chat line does count as research, doesn't it??

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whimsical1@geocities.com

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