Issue
Message
(by RevBade)
First off, I’ve gotten a lot of comments
about the last issue in general. A lot of people thought it was
one of the better ones, and a lot of people thought it was a
"crappy" issue. People thought it was a good issue
because we finally got some strong opinion articles in it. People
thought it was a bad issue because it wasn’t
"funny" enough. So, I am going to go over this one
more time.
The Plug was not intended to be a paper
full of funny shit when it started. It was a place for students
to voice their opinion without fear of consuquences. This year
The Plug has been mainly funny shit because that is what has been
submitted to it. However, when people submit on opinion article
such as the two regarding the "screw" incident, I sure
as hell am going to print it. I may edit it some, but it’s
going in.
I’ve gotten a lot of comments about the
"Screw you
Dickman" article, none of which
were about the main subject of the article. The comments I got
were about the harshness of the attack on Mrs. Kalk. And I agree,
it was harsh. I personally had Mrs. Kalk last year, and have her
again this year. I myself like Mrs. Kalk as a person, and I did
learn in her class. At times it may have been a bit boring, but
it just depends on how you look at things. They are what you make
of them.
The point is, although I do have say over what
does and doesn’t go in, so far there has only been maybe 2
articles I have turned away this year. So I don’t really
control what each issue of The Plug is like. If I get funny shit
articles, then I print funny shit. If I get opinion articles then
I print opinion articles. So Don’t complain to me if you
don’t like the type of articles that are printed, or if you
don’t think an issue is funny enough. If you have comments
then e-mail them to me, ‘cause I’m not gonna listen
otherwise. I’m sick and tired of having people complain to
me, or tell me what I should or shouldn’t put in. I hate it
when people think that I somehow magically control whether the
issue is funny or not. I don’t.
Campus Support
(by Hokuto
Okuyama)
Campus Support, for those of
you who don't know, are faculty members at CHS who walk the
hallways during school to stop students from running, eating in
the halls, stealing, fighting, having sex, shooting up drugs,
murdering, gunrunning, or unscrewing the school. You know, all
that fun stuff students love to do. Anyway, I'm writing this
because I recently got called to the office by campus support,
because various parts of the school (like light plates) were
being unscrewed, and I was one of the suspects (I know of 2 other
people that were called up). I was a suspect because although
they didn't have any evidence that I'd been responsible for the
stuff happening around school, I had unscrewed one of the desks
in my class one day when I was bored. When I was talking to them,
however, I decided I didn't like them too much, so I tried my
best to piss them off. That was fun, until they suspended me from
school for a couple of days and called my mom, who grounded me
for a while. What they suspended me for was having a screwdriver set in my backpack, and more
importantly, for refusing to let them search my backpack and not
cooperating at all. Basically, what they did was to suspend me
from school because they didn't like me; they didn't have proof
that I'd done anything like unscrewing the school, but then, they
didn't really need any proof; all they had to do was call my mom
and tell her, "We think your son has been causing some
trouble at school..." and my mom grounded me right then,
because she trusts the CHS faculty to not deceive her.
The school is still being unscrewed, and campus
support, especially Mr. Locey and Mr. Dickman, think that I'm
doing it. I can, apparently, get in trouble for just being in a
certain area, or for staying on campus after school hours. I was
just walking through the locker room with a friend one day, for
example, when Mr. Locey came up to me and warned me not to be
there because "it looks suspicious". I don’t know
about you, but I don’t like being told where I can’t go
just because some guy
doesn’t like me to be there. And lately, they've been a bit
pissed at me, thanks to some articles written in the Plug by
people who actually have been unscrewing the school. I think
they're focusing their attention on me now because they're a
little miffed that people are encouraging others to "take up
the cause" of unscrewing the school, and they only have me
as a suspect. Well, that's why I'm writing this under my real
name, so they know I'm not going to just hide behind a pen name
or alias for this. I'm encouraging all of you to find an quiet
little corner of the school and unscrew something, because it
seems to be driving campus support nuts, and I wouldn’t mind
them being a bit more miffed.
Studboy's
Guide to Political
Cartoons
(by Studboy)
Yo yo dis be studboy. Iz all stoked 'bout da
Alternator cuz like dis guys got ah penis fo ah head an he smells
purty like daass oh da president's cat.
But da reason Iz busta move witcha dis time is
cuz ya needsta know bout the political toons. Dis toon gotta
exaggerate da facial features oh da subject an throw in da bin da
trash like reality an shit like dat so yo gets dis punkass
looking dickhead wit glasses whos wearin ladies shoes an holdin
ah badass rag.
Virtual
Reality?
(by Demosthenese - stomp_box@hotmail.com)
I’m a firm believer in the validity of a
person's 'self' online. The people you meet and greet are no less
real then those that pass you on the street everyday after work.
In fact, some of them are more real, because they aren’t
slaves to routine. They exist to present their ideas for comment
and critique. There are some that are still just faces in the
crowd, but the net is a kind of weeding out process in a sense.
It's easier to access people's ideas, and a larger percentage of
users present them.
What is it that makes a person? You view people
in terms of their regular reactions to what you do everyday, no?
You categorize someone based on how they react to what you do.
Don’t people on the net do the same? A person doesn’t
exist in this sense beyond the confines of your own imagination.
Certainly people on the street have a physical body composed of
carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and nitrogen, but don’t people on
the internet have a physical body stored as mere electrons?
People on the net are sometimes more real to me
then anyone I see in the halls of my high school because they
react to me more. I can pass unnoticed in my school, except when
someone takes the time to say hi or stare contemptuously at me
and make a rude comment about me as I pass by. The people i talk
to online give me pages of responses to what i have to say.
Therefore, on the principle that people exist as extensions of my
imagination, are they not more real because they react more?
Think of this.... Were I to assume different
names, and different personas where ever I went in real life,
then wouldn’t each of those people and their respective
characteristics be as completely real as the next in the minds of
those people that i would meet and talk to? Just because the same
physical body wears different personalities doesn’t decrease
the reality of any given persona that body might wear....
Besides, you only perceive the physical body of
someone in real life with your five senses, no? Then, do I give
myself, say, an original
icon, do I not gain that as my identifier and, henceforth, body?
Were I to create an aspect of my webpage that, through real
audio, used sound to introduce myself, then would i not enhance
that self same body? Were people to go so far as to create pads
that can assume a texture and some port to emit elements
detectable by the olfactory system, then would that not become my
body? Were I to do these things, would I not be born out of the
electrons, even if I am still controlled by some lonely teenage
boy at a terminal in south Dakota, people don’t see that
person. They don’t hear his words, see his face, smell his
unwashed clothing either.... They see only those things that I
show them on my web page, and therefore, that is myself, in their
minds..
Personality, contrary to the thoughts of most,
is completely a mental conception. You have no identity, beyond
that which is given to you by others, and that which you give
them to be your own. There isn’t an intrinsic personality
that is given to you when you’re born, and that you can wear
around like a badge as you wander through your life.... All that
you need have to be any person you choose, is a little practice,
a lot of imagination, and a talent for acting I suppose.
The Man
(by Shuneboots)
The Man--A metaphorical manifestation of all
social matrices present in "civilized" countries. To
analogize; If the US(the system) was a giant gear and each
citizen was a cog, then the Man would be the gear, and the cogs,
small and meaningless indivdually, would be nothing but gear
supports, as the system, the gear, would still function even if
it's missing a few citizens.
Sanctuary-The
Queasy Dream
(by akáwasa)
Science is delusional. All attempts by man at
finding the answers to lifes’ eternal questions (e.g. why do
we exist, are we inherently evil, what quantitative equation
unifies everything, etc.) only bring up myriad additional
questions. On these we needlessly waste time and brain power
discovering and debating new scientific and moral concepts and
theories. It's an endless cycle that does nothing except place
our minds and hearts further from the beauty and simple harmony
of organized religion.
Imagine how much happier and more content we'd
all be with life if we would doubtlessly and faithfully put our
complete trust into religion and the easy-to-understand answers
that it provides. Particulars such as which religion you choose
are far less important than is your total faith in and commitment
to that religion. I would recommend whichever one conforms the
most easily to your life-style (you can't choose the 'wrong'
religion because the theology of each excludes that of all
others).
Let's hypothetically say that you choose the
ever-popular Christian religion. The answers to those eternal
questions that you may have
previously sought in vain for on your own accord are, within
Christian teachings simply and concisely stated. Why do we exist?
Because God Almighty created us. Are we inherently evil? We have
inherited the sins of our ancestors and will continue to pass
them on to our children. What quantitative equation unifies
everything? Only God can know that, for He is the Alpha and the
Omega. God obviously created that equation in the form that He
saw fit.
Buddha also explained everything quite nicely.
So did Mohammed. So does the Great Spirit. So do the teachings of
the myriad gods of the Hindu religion. So did Bokonon. But
Stephen Hawking? Forget it! He's the embodiment of everything
that man was not intended to be by the creator(s) of the
Universe.
Scientific advancements and the furthering of
mankind's knowledge about the Universe by way of the scientific
process has brought mankind little peace or happiness. The
culmination of science's 'advancements' has created for us
thermonuclear weaponry and other implements of war, disease, and
mass destruction. These result in pain, depravity, misery, and
suffering among mankind.
Because of pioneering in the medical world, we
lead longer lives than ever before. However, if you happen to be
a loyal Christian, then you know that the eternal glory of heaven
awaits you after your body dies, hence there is little reason to
attempt prolonging life. It is foolish to shun death and a quick
entrance into God's kingdom when God has made you the mortal that
you are.
If you want to go about life feeling worthy,
confident, and loved for being the fallible human that you are,
then you must close your mind to all of the confusion, chaos, and
insanity of society by possessing a firm and unquestioning faith
in the ethics of a religion. Believe whatever you want, but I
recommend that you choose something which you can be happy and
confident about. Often it's the only way to feel sane.
Wrong
(by Ghost)
I’m a student among other things and the
articles printed in The Plug, "A Bunch of Screwy Students" and "Screw you Dickman" really
pissed me off. First of all, this is OUR school. Mine, yours.
Those shits who take it apart are mearly vandil Bastards who
don’t want to be here. Hey... Fuckers. Why don’t you
come out with your name if you’re so proud of what you do!
I’m pretty sure I know who a few of you are. I call you
"friends", but I can’t respect what you do. I know
it could be worse though.
The budget for schools in this education
forsaken state is low enough without you adding micky mouse crap
like screws and other broken or removed items to the price tag.
Look around. The crap you are doing to this school has a negative
effect on the whole student body. Maybe not because it makes them
wonder if they’re in the right place, but from outside
influences. Believe it or not, but the people who come here or
drive by here, what do they see? Pierce street shits who’d
do the state a favor by not even registering to school, because
they don’t care about their classes. They’re just
worried about when they’re going to get high again and if
they’ll be able to bum a ciggarette off of someone or if
they’ll be able to get someone to buy one for them. East
siders, West siders, my ass. Most all of them originated here in
Oregon. So to those on pierce - Get a life! And get the hell out
of the school. Why would the community support us if all they see
is crap like you out of class. Two words to describe you are,
"White" and "Trash." Go fuck away.
You’re dropping people’s opinions of the school and
those in it. No wonder they don’t vote for anything that
will Possibly save the ass of every school in the state. All they
see is gang bangers and wanna be losers like you that are nothing
but anti-athority pricks. If you have no interest in education,
and it’s obvious you don’t or you’d be in class,
stay home or infect another place with your petheticness.
To the rest of the student body
who is trying to learn and work WITH the teachers, who most of
which DO have a clue, more power to you. To those who don’t
piss and moan about problems like a teacher is difficult, but
advance because of it, you are more then respectful, and a big
"eat shit" to those who try to look down on you. They
can’t. They know it and it bugs the hell out of them.
To those of you who are dismantleing the
school, are you really that desperate for attention? What the
hell is wrong with you? That’s not going to change anything;
at least not for the positive. Nothing happy comes our of your
ruining another’s efforts to help someone. Think about it
you uninformed Prick!
The
Sound Underground
(by Deckard)
How many of you are sick of the perpetual
misery in Corvallis and the Willamette Valley? Who’s tired
of the floods, the multi-million dollar university buildings, the
grouchy senior citizens and the weak wine? God dammit to hell, I
am! But I’m not going to just complain, I’m going to do
something.
Somewhere in some large city in Canada it gets
so frigid during the winter that people go down stairs and holes
to a subterranean level (that means underground, Studboy
graduates) of the city. Supposedly, it isn’t that different
from the city above it except for the roof in the sky.
There’s flower stores, chocolate stores, book stores, even
porn stores.
Here’s my idea. Everyone under thirty and
those over without fists in their asses should just start
digging. Dig, dig, dig until you hit some underground cave and
find those schznits that live off of bat turds or deeper until
you reach the earth’s raging hot magma and can deep fry the
schznits. Hopefully, your neighbours will have caught on to the
trend and will be somewhere nearby kicking up Jules Verne’s
rusty crock pot. Start digging horizontally until you reach your
fellow sub-Oregonians. After a network of caverns and tunnels has
been developed (excess amounts of dirt can be dumped in Central
Park) all sane people can reside peacefully in sub-Corvallis with
hemp and schznit businesses.
CHS
Students Have No Opinions
(by Corwin)
The title of this article is the first time
that I've made that statement. And I only make it here to get the
attention of a certain someone. This certain someone based a
certain part of a certain article on a single political cartoon that I drew as a cover for one of the issues of The Plug. The cartoon depicted two faceless students sitting on
the steps of CHS. One held a placard which stated "I have no
opinion".
Do you really think that cartoonists honestly
believe that Clinton has a nose the size of Moby Dick, or that
Ross Perot's ears were donated to him by Boeing? Or that J from
the Alternator has a penis for a head?
The purpose of my cartoon was to try to get CHS
students to express their opinions. Unfortunately, the opinions
expressed were that I am an asshole. Do you think I do this
because it makes me feel good? Do you think I get up in the
morning and say, "Gee, what a great morning! Time to go
pursue the meaning of life: writing articles for CHS that nobody
will give a shit about!". I do what I do because I care. I
pay for The Plug every month because I CARE.
If that makes me an asshole, well, good. I hate
you, too.
