Occasionally we will post a random movie review by Craig Boldman from the archives of Critics Inc., America Online's premiere entertainment area (Keyword: Critics). Most of these films are now available on video. Otherwise, scan your TV Guides with dogged persistence.
TANK GIRL (1995)
Three Stars
Critic: Craig Boldman
Well, it doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense, but it is entertaining. While watching "Tank Girl," the mind flashes back to other indelible (and less-than-indelible) sensory experiences: "Batman" (the Adam West version), "Pee-Wee's Playhouse," Cindi Lauper, The Monkees, "The Perils Of Gwendoline In The Land Of Yik Yak," numerous beer commercials, and every kitschy junk shop you've ever seen, but predominantly, "Barbarella." Like "Barbarella (the 1968 science-fiction vehicle for Jane Fonda)," "Tank Girl" seems less like a movie and more like what happens when a bunch of pals with a camera sneak into a movie studio prop department and go at it. And, like "Barbarella," "Tank Girl" is based on a comic book, and plays like one.
It's an apocalyptic adventure, set on an Earth that's been devastated by a comet's impact. Water is at a premium, making possible the machinations of para-military nutball Malcolm McDowell (last seen engineering the demise of Captain James T. Kirk. Here he shows flashes of the brilliance he displayed in "A Clockwork Orange.").
Enter Tank Girl (Lori Petty), a girl with a tank, who is spunky but whose chipperness is fortunately parceled out between explosions, mayhem and such which keep her from becoming annoying. In addition, there are mysterious fearsome creatures called Rippers, a sidekick called Jet Girl (she's a girl with a jet,) and these cool/gross gadgets which extract all the water from the human body.
Somebody should catalog all the characters from movies and comics that have weapons for hands. "Tank Girl" seems like one of those films that are watchable, forgettable, and then remembered down the line as something worth renting from the video store; remembered as good, gritty fun. Any film that dusts off both "Let's Fall In Love" and "The Theme From Shaft" obviously has something for everybody. Or not.
DIRECTOR: Rachel Talalay
CAST: Lori Petty, Ice-T, Naomi Watts, Don Harvey, Reg E. Cathey, Scott Coffey, Jeff Kober, Malcolm McDowell
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Aron Warner, Tom Astor (United Artists)
CO-PRODUCER: Christian L. Rehr
SCRIPT: Tedi Sarafian. Based upon the comic strip created by Alan Martin & Jamie Hewlett
PHOTOGRAPHY: Gale Tattersall
EDITOR: James R. Symons, A.C.E.
MUSIC: Graeme Revell
CASTING: Pam Dixon Mickelson, C.S.A.
COSTUME DESIGNER: Arianne Phillips
GENRE: Sci-Fi - R
© Copyright Critics' Choice 1995. All Rights Reserved.
FREEJACK (1992)
Critic: Craig Boldman
The time-hopping plot of "Freejack" is intriguing in principle: Race car driver Emilio Estevez is plucked out of time an instant before a fatal crack-up and brought to the year 2009 where the prevailing thought is, "He was finished with his body, why not let someone else use it?" A mind transfer with a wealthy recipient is slated, but Estevez escapes and the chase is on.
Rocker Mick Jagger is cast as a bounty hunter sent to retrieve Estevez. Promising idea, but the only thing of interest that Mick contributes is his, presumably, interesting face. None of the manic energy Jagger displays on stage is brought to the screen.
Likewise, "Silence of the Lambs" gourmet-cannibal Anthony Hopkins collects an easy paycheck as the head of the McCandless Corporation, a.k.a. 'the evil organization', which is housed in a giant edifice that towers over the city.
Estevez's 1992 fiancee, Rene Russo, works for McCandless in the future world and is still available! Do you think they'll get back together? Predictably, they invade the tower to bring the plot to a summation.
If Estevez was bummed because he'd missed out on a generation's worth of movie car chases, not to worry--They're still there in 2009, and haven't changed a bit. The "Drive On The Sidewalk"; the "Almost Fatal Intersection"; the "Car Under The Semi"--none of the classic maneuvers have been lost to history. And, here's how humor has progressed in two decades: There's a nun in the movie, see, but she carries a big gun, kicks people and uses naughty words! Clever.
Cheap sets, standard chases, standard acting, standard plot twists; standard, standard, standard.
"Freejack" is the type of science fiction movie that one might expect to find on the Late Late Show in 2009; or probably much sooner.
DIRECTOR: Geoff Murphy
CAST: Emilio Estevez, Mick Jagger, Rene Russo, Anthony Hopkins
PRODUCER: Ronald Shusett, Stuart Oken
SCRIPT: Steven Pressfield, Ronald Shusett, Dan Gilroy
GENRE: Science-Fiction/Action - R
© Copyright Critics' Choice 1993. All Rights Reserved.
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