Earlier in the morning I stopped by x's(formerly the wife) house to see my daughter.  She was thrilled to see me -- that makes me happy!  I'll tell you though, it's all I can do to keep from puking just looking at x.  I can't begin to explain how I went from loving her so much to how I feel now.  She doesn't treat me bad when I'm around; I can't blame my hatred on that, it's impossible to relate the ill feelings I have for her now.  Nuff said.

As you know, I've not been around for a week, well actually I have, but I haven't had the time or desire to write.  The projects at work have me bogged down, and I'm also back to drinking -- everday!  Not heavily, but I do stop in for a few beers at my favorite morning haunt daily after work.  That eliminates any free time I have to write, especially on the days I have to pick up the little one in the afternoon.

My daily pitstop will have to come to a stop, I'm afraid, because I can't afford to live this way.  I sat down the other day and put together a budget on a spreadsheet, complete with various scenerios, and any way I look at things, I'm fucked financially!  Even when I remove the smoking and drinking from the picture, I would be breaking even, at best.  Of course, if I get overtime at work, that helps, but still leaves me living check to check these days.

It's not a pretty picture boys and girls; I'm actually considering bankruptcy as a way to get my ducks in a row, but can't stand the thought of losing my perfect credit rating.  I've worked long and hard to establish such a rating, but I've also made some dumbass moves involving credit cards in the past.  With child support being deducted from my paycheck weekly, and daycare expenses, I'm sinking, and sinking fast.  I really hate that woman for what she's done to my life!

Life just doesn't get any better than this!