Oh My Lover
what's that color
forming around your eyes
watch my lover
tell me that it's all right
just another
before you go...go away
oh my lover
why don't you just say my name
(eep..that last line reminded me of a poem I did, Star that I don't like a lot. Weeeird.)
Dress
it's sad to see
lonely all this lonely
close up my eyes
dreamy dreamy music make it be alright
music play make it good for romacing
must be a way i can dress to please him
swing it sway everything will be alright
but it's feeling so damn tight tonight
My Favourite title on that album:Happy and Bleeding
Sheela-Na-Gig
i've been trying to show you over and over
look at these my child-bearing hips
look at these my ruby red ruby lips
look at these my work strong arms and
you've got to see my bottle full of charm
i lay it all at your feet
you turn around and say back to me
he said
sheela-na-gig, sheela-na-gig
you exhibitionist
sheela-na-gig, sheela-na-gig
you exhibitionist
gonna wash that man right out of my hair
just like the first time he said he didn't care
*grin* I dunno. I'm just very into that album and wanted to share some of PJ's words. I get sort of warm and angry and full of beats when I listen to her, in a way listening to her makes me get very uh..um....into women, coz they seem so ancient and full of power in her words. Heh.
And Theeeen I put up a poem and a song I wrote some night ago..late late at night...argh....Scales and Have a Mint. No explination to any of them just yet coz I don't really know. Hehehe.
I've managed to write a lot without saying anything at all, haven't I? Well...hmm...today can be summed up in one word: boring. I did nothing. I had to boss around the guys in my project group which I HATED coz I'm really not that bossy..I'm more comfortable being sort of..quiet in a corner letting the people that have an urge to be bossy go on their little power trip. I'm not wimpy. Just comfortable. Anyways..no one else in my group wants to, you know, be in charge of anything so if I don't we all just sit and stare..so I borrowed books about our project from the library and handed out today...and they're like..argh..I feel liek a teacher =( One of them hasn't read a single book in 10-12 years, and the other in maybe 2..and there I am, saying the classic line "well then it's about time you get started again, don't you think?"..*sigh* I HATE this project, we're supposed to talk to the group on how yer supposed to talk in front of groups....heh. it's very annoying and no fun at all...and I have to stand this till NEXT FRIDAY...when I KNOW they'll have me be the one presenting our work because they wouldn't dream of spekaing to the group =(
I hate the fact that people over estimate some things about me.
1. "You know so much about computers..I'm sure you could teach us all some extra things in this computer class" (last time I heard that was...oooh....3 hours ago)
NO!!! I hardly know _anything_ about computers, TRUST me. it's simply because I spend a lot of time by a computer working on my homepage and spodding/e-mailing that they think this. And those two articles about me and my net stuff in one of our two local papers. I hate when they say I know a lot, because then the people that DO know a lot about them must go "heh...now there's a laugh" *sigh* I probably seem completely moronic too, becaause nowadays when they say something like that I say "No..that's wrong. Sorry" real loud, and so I just seem really weird. Blah.
2. The illusion that I can draw.
NO!!! I can draw in that general way that most people can draw. However, since the onyl things I can and will draw are those ink women faces with vampire teeth and monster makeup then people will get all "she can draw!"..well NO..it's just regular doodles, just with more ink.
Okay. Long post...I hope YOU'RE HAPPY NOW! I'm so silly though..and you should remember to read Jessica's diary because...she talks a bit about me or sweden..it's a good entry and...yum yum....nowadays the only things I do online is 1) read Jessica's diary. 2) Open and check my e-mail. not that I get that much...I just lost my e-mail interest some year ago, and I'm still trying to find it. 3) Log into CN and either see who's there/check the news, or stay on til someone fun logs on. 4) Homepage/Diary. Sometimes I go to my homepage and read through most part of it to see why some think it's so funny or where I suspect I'm dorky. My homepage is my lovechild. *clingy* I'm so worried someone'll be mean to it :)
Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose,
Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed;
And stem the produce of thy waspish wits:
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
Be off, I say; go bug somebody new,
Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
This week I've realised how completely out of it I am. I mean..I don't like interacting with a lot of people =( It's not because I'm such a loner, I can be very social, but I don't have A CLUE on how to read people's body language well. People will act and say things and my brain will rattle for 20 mins "what did she mean? why did he do that? does this mean she want me to..um..??" I dunno. I'm confused about humans, and I feel like a moron about it. I'd rather spod 24/7 and pretend everyone was just some text on a screen and a voice on the phone.
silly link: GothBabe of the Week. I would like to mention that I talked to that guy on a webchat years ago and he saw some pics of me and said I was a babe. However he was in the army at the time. Might explain some things. I go home to my mom's macaroni ad fried veggie meatballs now.
NO MORE BANANA!=(
And now I'm here, writing, getting ready for the weekend full of..nothing. God I sound pathetic. I must say, I'm not as depressed as I must sound, I'm just...tense..and confused...and bored...and scared...yes.
I've gotten very self conscious too, and I HATE IT. I'll catch myself looking in the bathroom mirror and suddenly thinking "Look at you...blah. Pig. Is there a warderobe you can hide in? You probably look real hideous with that make up too, it's just that you're too used to it yourself so you don't see it". Well..what can I say. I'm not gonna diet. Actually...I don't see how I could. I'm in a horrible eating rythm right now. I get up at half past 7 usualy, eat nothing, go to datorteket, eat nothing, go to the library, eat nothing, get home at 7 in the evening only to find that starving all day means I can't really eat that much...I think it's because of this my tummy is all knotty *sigh* Maybe I'm getting an ulcer?
I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
There's a club, if you like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die
When you say it's gonna happen "now"
well, when exactly do you mean?
see I've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone
Now I sound pathetic for reciting that lyric, don't I? Well fuck that.
Did I mention Ninnie left the country to work on the Canary Islands with Sergio? She probably thought I'd gone to the US..she didn't say bye or anything. *sigh*
P.S. In case I sound really weird in this entry...hmm..I'm sorry...it is a diary. You know that. And I know I said it just a short while ago but..thank you for sticking around. It means a lot to me. And don't WORRY. I be fine =) Honest.
aLanis is PINK DAMMIT
Kafka grins!
Kafka shouts 'think pink'
Kafka screams -==}think pink! {=-
Kafka screams -=} NO! PINK {=-
Kafka screams -=} there are no residents on {=-
Kafka screams -=} powerabuse city {=-
aLanis screams -=} i knooow {=-
aLanis screams -=} just dead curious {=-
aLanis screams -=} he smells too {=-
Kafka screams -=} make everyone in alanis' library stare at her...{=-
aLanis screams -=} but i don't think it's banana {=-
Kafka screams -=} he does {=-
Kafka screams -=} it smells like poobuckets {=-
Kafka screams -=} curious didn't even FLUSH {=-
aLanis screams -=} SCHTINKY AUSSIE! {=-
Kafka screams -=} curious... did you have corn for lunch? {=-
aLanis screams -=} _vegemite_ {=-
Kafka screams -=} vegemite - the only food that comes out looking just as it did when it went in! {=-
Kafka screams -=} except when i was 7 i swallowed a big wad of grape gum and pooped up grape poo {=-
aLanis LOL!!!!!
Kafka screams -=} oh crap, a resident is on...hi DrDave... {=-
Dave shouts 'LOL'
aLanis screams -=} we didn't mean to scare u {=-
Kafka dies laughing
aLanis grins
Kafka has tears
Yes...wonderful morning =) I FINALY got to see the movie Georgia last night...god..I was bawling for 3 hours or something (no, it's not that long, I couldn't help myself :) It's about these two sisters...one, Georgia (played by Mare Winningham) is a successful folk singer or something..Mare sings herself, and she has a really fine voice, but it's too pretty and nice for me...but she can sing, no doubt about that. The other sister is Sadie, played by Jennifer Jason Leigh. She's..I dunno...she has this desperate thing going on, she's a singer too but can't SING and apparently has no talent or something...you can pretty much guess the story I'm sure...
It's just in the end, georgia says this thing.."You don't sing. You CAN't sing" to Sadie and something just broke in my head or something, and I wanted to stand up and yell YES SHE CAN!!! Sadie has this real destructive way of living, and she sings desperate..everything's desperate about her. One time Georgia fixes so that Sadie gets to sing at some big Aids Foundation show, and Sadie can't handle it and gets very very drunk..and Sadie..(Jennifer Jason leight..*swoon*)does this heartbreaking performance..no..she can't sing...most of the time she's just screaming and whispering and breaking down...but I was crying so much.."I want to go back...go back go back go back go back...the world just doesn't make any sense, the world makes no sense, no sense no sense no sense to me anymore.." *shruug* And then eventualy Georgia feels she has to 'save' Sadie from total failure and comes out to backup sing, but I HATED that because in ym heart Sadie wasn't failing to me, it just got so heartbreaking I had to change the channel and gulp 3-4 times while watching..*sigh* It's on today again, I'll try and tape it if my brother's not at home *shrug*
I have a feeling things are gonna be just fine this weekend...now...who wanna bring me shiny things? (obscure PJ Harvey reference that I woke up mumbeling this morning..bring bre shiny objects.. *laugh*..really weird)
Jessica....Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..I can't wait to hug ya and run around in fields with you screaming and laughing..=)
Scary Fortune Teller Place. It's really scary..just look at my reading:
Your Overall Fortune... :
You're feeling a bit depressed, and you could be looking for a shoulder to cry on. On the other hand, the old brain cells are at peak performance! Studies should go well this month. Try studying at the library for a change. For relaxation, nothing beats a walk in the park or other such green spot.
Love :
You may find yourself especially attracted to someone older than yourself. Your luckiest time of the day is between 3 and 4 in the afternoon.
Friendship :
How about phoning or writing to that faraway-long ago friend?
Lucky Stars :
3
Lucky Day :
September 7, 18
Unlucky Day :
September 3, 19
A little advice from...Monkichi
Don't give up! Things will turn out well if you see them through to the end.
Lucky Item :
Pre-paid Telephone Card
I'm gonna write something now and it'll make no sense and it will probbbbably contain some bad language but..hehe....it's either that or me going out to McDonalds to buy everything they have to offer me.
All those dysfunctional
thoughts I
don't like them I
don't like slugs either
not making any sense I
guess
I...never meant to you know
guess you don't
want to
Don't like honey at it's purest
anyways.
I dunno...I've been such a baby lately...I mean really...the people at Datorteket must have the weirdest view of me...in fact, I KNOW they do. I feel like putting up a big sign on the front of me saying "I'M NOT ALWAYS THIS CHILDISH and I DO HAVE MY REASONS." I dunno. How do you get people to see sides of you you wish they'd see? Wait, that sounded dorky. But I mean. I'm..hehe, I'm a Mix Masala..mixed spices. I had to be grown up for so long, or felt I had to anyways.....argh. Fuck it.
I had the weirdest dream btw. I don't remember the details, but there was a stalker around, and he was stalking me, which was funny coz I'm not worth stalking, but anyways..I remember figuring out who it was, and I got up to his apartement, and confronted him and I dunno...hehe..it was just funny. I've never seen the guy irl either afaik so..it was just weird. Okay. So that was pointless.
Hmm. Think I WILL go to McDonalds and ooooooooooooooooooh...pies......fries.....fries.....more fries.....maybe they have some bluecheese dressing too?