October


Wednesday, October 1.

Okay. New rules. The entries will be coloured blue as long as this damn depression lasts. I HATE IT. It was so bad today. I mean really really bad. The last hour all I wanted to do was crawl into fetal position in a corner and either cry or throw up. I can't explain it. It's not a depression grounded on anything. It's just...there. I hate it. I hate the way it makes me physically ill, I hate the way it makes me act towards other people, I hate the way it won't go away...*sigh*

To top it off I had to fill out some test to prove I knew enough to get to have that html project thing...and..I got rampant angst about filling out that paper coz...some of it I was like "what? I never heard about that before", and then puter guy showed me what it was about and I mean, I underSTOOD IT, but I got angst about filling the paper out. I..don't work well like that. That's when it got real bad. I delayed writing the test all day till the last minute. I filled it out, but I know I didn't get those things quite right put on paper so I guess I failed. *sigh* So I guess I won't get that project. I'll have to work with something else..hmm..I think I chose to do a project on drugs as a second choice so I'll get that I'm sure. No. Not a project ON DRUGS..about drugs..blah, you know what I mean ;) Although lately drugs don't seem all that bad ..nOOOO..I didn't mean that *smile*

*laugh* Christina (friend at that place) was asking me earlier what males I go for. Well there's the list. Keywords...um...um..no keywords. I guess that they're rather old? Not that I care. I mean, really, that's never been an issue to me. heh. Let's see..previous victims have ranged a LOT...19..22...35 (shush)..*shrug* it's not an issue to me. Neither of them have acted their age anyways *grin* I never do either so...hmm, I'll make a list.

Robert DeNiro (he is MINEMINEMINE) 54
Adam Sandler 31
Gary Oldman 39
Dave Gahan...35'ish?

There you have it...geez..soon I'll be hunting the retirement homes!8)

I feel a bit better now =) Online always make me feel a looot better..I know tomorrow'll be hell again, but I'll live..*smile* The sun's gotta shine SOMEtime, right?


Thursday, October 2.

Yuuum...as the colour tells ya...a good day...*smile* I'm not sure it's all gone, but today has been just...good. Maybe it's the scarf..I've been wearing the bellydancing scarf Aziza sent me for my birthday all day long. No. Not wearing it around my waist or anything..I wrapped it around my neck..coz..it's DAMn chilly walking to that place in the morning and it was the only thign I could think to do because..I don't like wearing jackets. Dunno why...they make me feel weird. But anyways..this scarf...it's huge....it's purple..it has goldy threads woven into it..it has sequins sown along every side of it. It's just VERY notable..sort of something one'd expect at the circus..or..on a belly dancer..not around the neck of a pale blubby t-shirt girl =)

Apparently I passed that test, so I guess that means I'l finaly learn REAL html folks....soon you'll notice how my entire web empire starts to crumble and relocate and expand and look all weirdly..because....I'll know how to do things I don't know right now. Actually. Nah. Don't worry. This page is already pretty much how I want it to look..I mean...really...whenever I've wanted something..snip...snip snip.......hehe..if you go to my front page you'll note the new logo thing Jessica made me....

HTML Thief

hehehhehehehehehhe.....hehehehe... OH..I had lunch today..I can't remember when the last time was that I ate during the day when it wasn't a weekend. Only reason I had food was because I made too much spaghetti and random vegetable sauce to it so...I brought some...yes..I should've brought some milk to...Milk..= good.

Tomorrow we have to presentour current project to the others..argh..I don't want toooo..but I'll be fine..only 2 minutes of discomfort.....and then 15 mins of the guy in charge dissecting what I/we did wrong. I can take that. I'm a marine ;)

Argh...Kafka's closing in...ah well..I don't mind her on top of me ;)


Friday, October 3.

Hahha...a little boy, maybe a year old's toddeling around and he just waved at me and said "HiIiii"..*giggle*

Okay. So the presentation went excellent actually..phew...I dunno..I'm never really *that* nervous about speaking to a crowd, coz..it comes rather naturaly to me (thank god)..it's my bullshitability that does it. I can just open my mouth and words will come out at random, and half an hour later someone will say "what did you just say?" and I'll say "I dunno, I wasn't listening" and mean it. That ability always goes on autopilot everytime blahy people come near me...then I go yadda yadda yadda till I get away before they even knew what was happening..I've gotten out of a lot of weird situations that way. No, won't specify :P~

At CN, if a newbie log on I, as a SuperUser, can change the name to anything..so..we had some fun with that:

06:37:19 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Bren - swho to Kafak
06:48:18 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Kafka - kafak to foofoo
06:53:28 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Kafka - youcantellme to GonnaTellaLanis
06:53:48 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Bren - gonnatellalanis to Pinocchio
06:53:59 - 03/10/97 - Rename by CuRiouS - pinocchio to alanii
06:54:07 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Bren - alanii to Knish
06:54:16 - 03/10/97 - Rename by aLanis - knish to ARGH
06:54:22 - 03/10/97 - Rename by CuRiouS - argh to bigmac
06:54:34 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Bren - bigmac to OUtbackSteak
06:54:59 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Kafka - outbacksteak to Hoedag
06:55:21 - 03/10/97 - Rename by aLanis - hoedag to Iaintahoe
06:55:48 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Bren - iaintahoe to SexySpd
06:55:59 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Bren - sexyspd to TYPO
06:56:20 - 03/10/97 - Rename by CuRiouS - typo to sexyspud
06:56:26 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Kafka - sexyspud to HotPotato
06:56:49 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Kafka - foofoo to ShutUpYou
06:56:59 - 03/10/97 - Rename by aLanis - shutupyou to Banana
06:57:21 - 03/10/97 - Rename by aLanis - hotpotato to BananaII
07:03:27 - 03/10/97 - Rename by Kafka - huff to Bunnnnny

I dunno, it was funny to us =). Okay..so..today I was proclaimed an alien. Yes....see puterguy (aka Peter) was looking in some paper with available jobs, and I was looking too coz I never had a job and I wanted to see all the things I'm not qualified to do, and there was this picture of a really hilarious looking lizard, and it said "Position as Alien already filled." And I went "Aaaw, I waNTED TO BE THAT!", and they informed me that I'll always be their alien at datorteket. Hehe. Bah. And in my bellydancing scarf singing songs wildly I might as well be ;)

'Maybe she's pieces of me you've never seen?'
Tear in your hand, Little earthquakes, Tori Amos(One of my apsolute faves..find the lyrics on my Tori page ;)

Oh. Btw. I'm a dork. =[...*grin*. Gunna go home and play Solitaire and listen to music now for 27 hours like I did last weekend..hehehe..WeEe. OH..maybe I get to listen on the stereo my brother bought last night..although I dunno..he never *listens* to music, so I think he should give it to me..but then again, I don't need a really loud soundsystem so....he can keep it.

And on the subject of mp3's.....I dunno. I mean, I appreciate the quality, and I appreciate that I can get a hold of rare songs through it and get on tape, but I'd never want it to be the only thing..I LOVE my cd's..and the covers..and the booklets......and vinyl lp's....and cassette tapes to fiddle with...tape players that chew..evcerything..yes..so..NRRP~


Saturday, October 4.

Argh. Geocities down at the moment so...I had to write anyways.....(My temporary diary can always be found at http://www.angelfire.com/il/highlands/diary.html

You know what's annoying about not having a lot of really good irl friends? You can't do things that require more than one person. I wanna take pictures for example, of me dressing up...like I have plans on taking these silly pictures of me with goth makeup and my promdress and stuff on and look all silly..but I can't do that alone. Getting drunk alone is no fun, and I mean..now I'm old enough to buy liquer on my own...so that's no fun..I mean..some months ago I decided to TRY and get drunk..so..I drank a whole lot'a Screwdrivers (I think they're called that...vodka and orange juice?)...but anyways...see since I don't drink often I don't really have a sense as to how much is a lot, but it was a 50 cl bottle (half a litre) of vodka or something like that and someone said that was a lot for one person that doesn't drink a lot ah well I dunno. Anyhow. All that happened was that I played Depeche Mode's "Songs of Faith and Devotion" over and over and over and over again, turned out the lights and wrote pretty words together in my head..I dunno..that lasted a lot of hours..*laugh*....I dunno..it wasn't all that fun coz I did get a bit unbalanced I guess, but I dunno..not very affected.

I dunno. My plan is to visit Jessica, scream and jump around when I meet her, and then she and I will sit in her room and drink and get tipsy and listen to music and dance around to it and sing along and play around online and wear silly clothes and take pictures and do weird make ups and go out in the streets and look at people and be goooofy.....

I'm gunna go buy chocolate now 8)


Monday, October 6.

Okay so the project thing started sort of...yes.. I dunno. Our group talked some about the net and stuff...yes...I felt a bit weird coz..I don't know *anything* about computers....I use netscape and telnet for what I do, that's it. So when they went off talking all technical stuff I sort of shut down..but it was alright...we're gunna do html stuff, and I know most of that so I'm not *that* worried. I think. *grin* It was soooo funny though, coz as I have listed in my FAQ, Remo Williams - Destroyer is my favorutie book (well huff...I have a zillion faves, but he's yummmmmie) Anyways, Puterguy knew who Remo is. Hahahaha. I found that hilarious, coz the only other perosn I know of who know of Remo is my brother...he and I take turns at the fleamarkets buying cheap remo pocket paper back pocket books.

hahha....http://www.sinanju.com.

And no, it's not the asian guy..it's the other one that's Remo..itn't he hot?;) Okay. Lousy post. I know. *smile* 2 hours online just ISN'T ENOUGH ANYMORE! Well I did the weekend mail tonight..so..tomorrow I can write long post again.


Tuesday, October 7.

Got a cloud sleeping on my tongue
He goes then It goes and
Kiss the violets as they're waking up
Leave me with your Borneo
I said leave me the way I was before

But you're already in there
I'll be wearing your tatoo
I'm already in
Circles and circles and circles again my girls

Cloud on My Tongue/Tori Amos (Under the Pink)

What can I say..it's been...a silly day. First of all...my sleep rythm is SERIOUSLY screwed up. I can't really explain how..it's like I have two patterns trying to win over the other in action. For instance, at half past eight in the evening I get an unexplicable urge to go to bed and sleeeeep. So I go to bed and watch tv. When I'm at home my bed is my kingdom. I know I COULD sit in The Chair, but I prefer my bed. It's soft and comfy, I can stretch out innit, I have all my pillows there..it's just..great. Anyways. Throughout the evening my brain and body will fight for sleep/staying awake..if I'm lucky I'll fall asleep around midnight..only to spend the entire night waking up at odd times like....3.41....5.13...5.56......6.32....7.05. At around 7.05 I just stay awake sort of since I get up at 7.20..that way I get 15 mins of nodding about, thinking about whatever dream I've had. One minute before the alarm clock goes off I get wide awake and get ready to turn the alarm off...Then I'm giddy and great until about 8.14 (one minute before things at that place start)..then all of a sudden I get cranky/tired which causes me to giggle and flap my body parts around. Argh.

Right about now I'm sort of in a numb state. I vant to go home and sleeep...argh

I DON'T GET people who don't like a lot of pillows! I mean..I dunno...to me, pillows are IT baybe...I have four large pillows, and they're juuuust for mee...it's really disturbing me when I get to people's homes or slepe over at friends' homes and they ONLY HAVE ONE FLAT SAD LOOKING PILLOW. Argh. To me that's serious...I'll fold that tiny pillow lots of times so it ressembles the lumpiness of many large pillows...bah..it's not that I use the pillows for much, when I wake up usualy one or two are on the floor, but I LIKE having them there....when I'm asleep I can do the weirdest things..sometimes turn in my sleep...that is, I do a Pippi...with my feet by the pillows..yes...or I find myself sleeping huddled up in the upper corner..or with a pillow over my face...argh....hehe..one thing though...

I DON'T SNORE

In fact I've had people complain that I don't seem to breath after a while ..*poke poke..."you alive??"*


Wednesday, October 8.

THIS is why I love Jessica =)

Her entry for today that is...her views on Alanis Morrissette..Woo..yes..it's true, I use aLanis as my name online but ARARARARRAGH I WAS YOUNG and I didn't know better....actually, I'm not gonna diss it...at one point in my life she really made sense to me. When I bought that cd though, the label on it saying "Known from this and that hit" only said "Including the No 1 hit You Oughta Know"..which is PROOF that I got the cd real early on..before Alanis I listened to..hmm...besides the swedish version of the Phantom of the Opera (huge obsession phase there) - Metallica and Guns'n'roses and Salt'n'Pepa (HIDE ME I can't believe I'm admitting these things)...I dunno, I really thought that music had a lot to tell me, and at the time I guess it did...and then I got the Alanis cd and went "OH!"...and got dragged into the whole female thing..

As you may have noticed I'm quite hooked on..*drumroll* (Yes, I know you can do it, 1-2-3, all together now, say it) Tori Amos. (I knew you could do it) Well. I dunno..I had a good time earlier today...apparently someone in alt.goth or rec.music.industrial or something like that wants to launch a Kill Tori Amos page. *giggle* Isn't that CUTE? I picked up the whole thread in dejanews and read it and hehehe I LOVE it...I just love reading the pro's and con's. I mean I guess I'm supposed to be anti it, but geez, grow up...I'd definately go see the page..I mean, I have Michelle's page linked, and I only found HER page coz people at rmt-a (rec.music.tori-amos) went "ARGH!!She hates Tori Amos!", and I got curious, and her page...it rules...she's very very cool..and we e-mailed some time too..if you haven't been there yet, do go..it's well worth it.

I dunno...to me, I'm finaly secure enough in myself to not get outraged when someone dislikes something I like...coz it's pointless, you know? If someone tried to argue to me that Meredith Brooks is really a tough chick and that she makes great music I'd have a great time, but why would it change my mind? Blah. The only times I can get pushy is when I think the person in question might *like* Tori...then I get them to listen to a song..and then another one....and sometimes they wanan borrow some cd...I've actualy gotten 4 friends irl to slisten to Tori..and I know some of them have gotten friends of THEIRS to listen to her...*laugh*

"LOOK OUT! IT'S IN THE TREES!IT'S COMING!!"

*reading through dejanews again* Heeheeheehee..I love the argument "Yeah I saw her on a pic online WITHOUT ANY PANTIES ON I totaly lost any respect I had"..*laugh* I love that argument =) There are actualy several similar pics like that circulating (you can get to one through dejanews actually, not that you need to go look for it, it's fake)..and they're fake. And even if they weren't...the argument is so funny.."Oh man, she showed her GENITALIA while playing to an audience, that makes her music totaly irrelevant!"..I dunno. Tori is a girl (Woman). Just because you hide your genitalia under a lot of clothes doesn't make it go away. *shrug* What's this thing about less respect coz ya get to see someone's private parts? DAmN I lost my link to Annie Sprinkle...she had some scanned pics of her cervix exam there too. *GASP* Sheesh.

On a more diary like note..I got a sequin from the scarf stuck between my teeth earlier. *laugh* it was SOO stuck. But it worked out so NER NER :P~


Thursday, October 9.

Okay it's only 9.10 in the morning here and I'm online coz my group are visiting some net thign place here, and the first thing they said was "Okay....you can...surf around for starters"..well geez, if I MUST......

The only reason I came on to write here was..I had a sudden urge to share some sessions from the past week with you from CN:

08:50:24 - 06/10/97 - aLanis- }Kafka laughs.. but i like your butt
07:51:37 - 07/10/97 - aLanis- You say '"here..look..my boobies"'
07:57:53 - 07/10/97 - aLanis- anyone got any cookies?:>
07:58:48 - 07/10/97 - Kafka- :( aLanis takes her boobies elsewhere
07:59:12 - 07/10/97 - Kafka- Nobody used the b-word in a session.
08:24:55 - 07/10/97 - Adrian- banana is the b-word
08:26:06 - 07/10/97 - aLanis- huuuush :}
07:36:15 - 08/10/97 - Bren- where IS ALANIS!!!???
07:55:03 - 08/10/97 - aLanis- i'm making out with God onna sofa
07:56:10 - 08/10/97 - aLanis- Kafka say 'Now alanis, when God snogs you'
08:04:37 - 08/10/97 - aLanis- TenT . god made you beautiful .. and look what you did

Heheheh. Imagine the converSATION....no wait, on the other hand, maybe you shouldn't. Oh..maybe I should explain the session thing to the non spods..well...it's built up by the Time - Date - Who set the session - Sessionmessage..and if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm the queen of snatching incriminating says' from friends and plastering them as a session for everyone to see. Hehehe, I'm such a bitch. But a nice one. Honest.

How funny. This room/place smells like Israel did. Or maybe it's the smell of rain and electricity swooshing around that makes me think that...no..*sniffing the air* OH..hehe, it's my shampoo, my hair's still wet (and it's been an hour and a half since I washed it..huff)..aaah..rain, electricity and shampoo - Ther,e now you don't have to go to Israel to find out how it smells. *snicker*

Okay go here for the other half of this entry.


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