For instance, there's this guy at that place...and I dunno why, but it just crawls in me whenever he's around and I want to grab his shoulders and shake him and yell "AAAAAARGH!!!!!!CHANGE!". I can't stand the way he dresses (the way everybody dresses), I can't stand the way he talks (normal voice), I can't stand the way he can't focus. I mean..he'll be around us and we'll be talking, and we'll be having a good time, and then all of a sudden he'll wander off somewhere else, and it's like "Um..we're not entertaining enough or..?"....I mean..it feels like his mind goes "This was fun..but MAYBE those people over there could offer me another conversation that will far exceed this one in entertainment value". IT PISSES ME OFF.
I hate when people won't ask things outright but instead sets traps because they want to tell something, but want you to ask for it. I *never* play along when I meet people like that. When I say this I mean the type of people that go " Yeah I took the 500 purity score test" and then get quiet, but you can just see how they want you to ask "What was your score?". I don't. I can be dying to know, but I refuse to be manipulated, even in such a tiny way.
Ninnie's boyfriend fit that type. On the other hand I couldn't stand the guy. At all. I'm not sure what our problem was, we just couldn't connect. Maybe it had something to do with him completely disrespecting my taste in movies - books and music the first ten minutes I met him with her. How can you base judgement on me after only knowing that I like to watch movies from the 80's with Steve Martin, read most Stephen King books and own the single "Gangsta's Paradise" with Coolio??? Maybe I should just wear a sign saying "Oh btw, I've studied 6 languages, enjoy reading Sylvia Plath and actualy get something out of watching arty european movies"...
A former boyfriend o mine once gave me the label "Diverse". At the time I was a bit blahed at that... "DIVERSE? Gee. You like me coz I'm diverse?" but now..I kind of like it. I mean..I am. We all are but I really live on being it. I just enjoy so many different things..meaning I can do all sorts of weird things. I can, with the right tools (and I don't mean modern machines) transform pure sheep wool into yarn into something knitted. I can sing an african wish for good fishing song. I can read russian (Note: I didn't say UNDERSTAND). I can even make really really yummie chocolate muffins/cinnemon rolls. I can I can i can..oh my, why do I feel like a train all of a sudden?;)
On a totaly different note, we're discussing the purity tests online. We agreed on a few things we'd never do, therefore neither of our scores would ever drop below 29 (the lowest score anyone had among us;):
No animals. No family members. No dead. No excretions.
Now THAT's what I call people with principles!
I would just like to note that I LOVE writing here, but I never allow myself to write as much as I'd want to. *sigh* I'm just so sure you'll get really bored and think I'm some kind of really ditzy exhibitionist. On the other hand, I don't write here to entertain an audience, I'm writing to keep track of me but still...blah. Can you believe I've kept this up for half a year?(That's when this month ends that is) I'm sort of secretly impressed with myself. Hehe. It doesn't feel like I've made over a hundred posts. *laugh* I can't believe there are people besides myself that has READ every entry!! Okay. Just saying that.
Food...food..food...argh...food...I haven't had *anything* all day long argh ...food..food...food...food...aaaaarararah...food..food...food...food
I'm sure you've noticed it. I have a tendency to get really obsessed with things. The reason I decided to devote an entry to it is because all of a sudden one of my former obsessions suddenly relevant again. I'm talking about...Terminator 2- Judgement Day. (YES that movie) Our group (me and a Henrik and a Peter) have decided to devote the following 9 weeks to creating a Terminator(I & II) page. *silent scream of joy* I WOULD like to note that we all agreed on it, and that before that we had different suggestions (Bladerunner, Leslie Nielsen, Mel Brooks etc etc), but we agreed on the Terminator movies because..I dunno why, we just decided on it. Little did they know Miss Me was obsessed with those movies for about two years....*chuckle* Now I'm just hoping I have the stuff I had back them saved somewhere to make some use of it for the page.
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Okay so this is a blurry pic yadda yadda and I look really weird but the T-shirt...you can clearly see it saying Schwarzenegger...*sigh* I wore it..um..a lot the past..um...6 years *weak smile* I just..love it. I'm not allowed to wear it in public anymore though because..well...it got large holes in it, and has been repaired so many times it has an amazingly bad fit. But it's MINE MINE MINE ARRARARARARAGHH.. I would also like to mention that I own a lesser worn white T2 t-shirt..I just..had to have two. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! Yer just lucky you didn't se my bedroom wall some years ago...I had an entire wall devoted into a terminator shrine...posters...small posters with the actors...just...lots of..stuff. Come to think of it, it was pretty scary 8) |
Hmm? What other obsessions? Well..I can pretty much reveal the big obsessions, but I would like to point out that I'm not the kind that likes one thing for a week and then completely throws it away...it just rests in my mind in some corner, it never goes away, so once I fall for something, I'm a fan for life, unless something traumatic happens to change my mind.
1987 Dirty Dancing. Yes. I had a scrap book filled with cut out pictures and interviews. Yes. I have seen the movie 154 times. (Don't ask me why. I COUNTED, and since I still watch it every now and then, the number keeps getting higher and scarier)
198..8?9? I dunno when, but I had a minor crush on Tom Cruise, because all the other girls had a crush on him. However, I don't really consider it a real obsession coz..I wasn't really obsessive, I just had some pictures.
1991 Terminator II/Terminator (I slightly prefer the sequel actualy). I still get soggy when people talk about it =)
1993 Phantom of The Opera. That was after seeing the swedish version of the musical...me and my friend Helena got obsessed. let's put it this way, I WORE OUT THE CASSETTE TAPES with the music in _3_ months. The year after we went and saw the musical again, and we managed to meet the cast/the actor that played the phantom. I remember uttering the words "I can die now" on the trip home, and I was pretty much serious too. I still listen to it every now and then, or read the books I have about it...but DON'T mention the original english musical version to me, coz IT MAKES ME VIOLENT. I just don't like the way Crawford makes Eric sound like an old woman =(
1996 Maria McKee. This was a simmering obsession, so it's high point only lasted about 3 months, but as late as last week I ordered 3 cd's with her so..=)
1996 Tori Amos. And no, no comment. I talk enough about it in here...
On a totaly random note..did you know my first love was Danny Kaye? I saw some movie on the telly with him when i was maybe 4-5, and got a huge crush on him..I suspect I'm secretly still looking for a guy just like my Danny. *smile* I dunno why I shared that..Oh..it was Danny Kaye and ERROL FLYNN, I saw Captain Blood and he was soooooooooooooo handsome..with a sword..and everything..*sigh*
There is no damn reason
I should have to be so alone
I'm smothered with this emptiness
Lord, I wish I was made of stone
Like a fool, I lent my soul to love
And it payed me back with shame
God help me, am I the only one
Who's ever felt this way?
Am I The Only One (Who's Ever Felt This Way?), Maria McKee
So. I did it again. I allowed myself to get my heart all gooey over someone, only to have it stepped in like dogpoo. Ah well. What's another let down. It wasn't really anything anyways, so why am I so sad? I don't know...I think because for once I wanted it to be my decision to let it go, and that wasn't allowed somehow, and so now I'm left hanging sort of in a state where my emotions don't quite know where they want to go. Ah well. I'll spend the weekend listening to sad songs...that always does the trick.
Sheela-Na-Gig, PJ Harvey
I'm no good at the twosome thing anyways. No but really. I just think that some of us aren't really made for it. I mean...I've spent 95% of my life alone.(Although alone has such a negative sound to it, strangely enough..I don't mean alone as in lonely, more a "one person relationship") *shrug* I'm always fascinated by the couples I know/see. I mean..they just...do it, you know? Either they argue a lot, or they're the "we love each other soooooooooooooooooooooo much" kind of couple, or just the plain cool couple, but they just....got it. I don't.
Everytime I've tried to picture my future, it's always been just me. I always have fun, seeing myself as one of those crazy alone old ladies that is real bitter and nasty to kids and grownups and pretty much anyone...or when I'm 40-50, singing in some sleazy bar, having whiskey or margaritas or something...I just don't see myself in a couple type of deal. That's actualy annoyed former boyfriends coz I just don't do the "aaw..I wanna grow old with you and we'll" yadda yadda thing. I'll tell them "When I'm old I'm gonna be an old bitter woman with a lot of smelly cats" and they'll go "Um..and..me?" "Oh..um..you'll be there too, of course, a grumpy old man..", but to be honest..no. Just me.
Don't let this "alone" thing fool you though. I fall for people a *lot*. I'm not anti anything, in fact, it'd feel rather good with someone to hug and throw waterballons at or play with their hair but...*shrug* It rarely goes that way so blah. Fuck it..hehe.
Silent All These Years, Tori Amos
I'm gonna do like Jessica, I'm gonna check out my fortune at The Sanrio Fortune Center..let's see what my friend Monkichi tells me about love this month:
Love : You get along better with people who aren't your "type", while your attempts to gain the attention of people who are your "type" go nowhere...
No shit.....
I don't really know what my type is though. I mean...I can't think of anything in particular I like in girls or boys..hmm..Like, it was funny, earlier today, the guys in my project thing and I were discussing the project, and this girl I knew walked by and their heads went "woosh!" after her, followed by comments about her legs. *smile* It was real funny coz after a while they went "hehe oh, yer here", and I probably seemed all "Sheesh. Men."'y...I'm just not a legs kind of girl (and that girl isn't my type at all.). There's only one woman that makes me drool and go "She has such great legs!!" and that's Geena Davies..I mean, I don't know why, but she really gets to me..yum yum...she was on Letterman in this tight, short dress and I thought I was gonna have my eyes pop out. I mean..wow. *smile*
Okay...what I like. In girls...hmm...looks wise I tend to go for red heads (actualy..no...I like wild fake red hair, not really the 'real' redheads)..but I *really* like blackish straight hair. Yum. Dark hair gets to me somehow. Blonde hair really does nothing for me, I don't know why that is. I don't go much for blue eyes either, but I like unusual features, not the pouty regular model type of mouth/features, I like things like a huge smile or great eyebrows (JESSICA has great eyebrows, haha, and I keep telling her that too =). I like rather dark voices, and big laughs..I don't really care for slim, although body built really means very little to me..I like anything from really short girls to really tall Geena Davies amazons, however, I do like it when they have good proportions, even though they're overweight or whatever...
Hmm? Boys? Well...I like strong backs, good posture, not muscly, strong hands(I can't describe what type of hands..just..when I see the right kind they make me all tingly), a forehead that I just want to touch all the time(STOP LOOKING at me like that!)..and I *really* like scars. I also like people with a somewhat odd look, I mean, for cryin' out loud, I had/have a crush on Eric(the phantom of the opera). I like rather pale too...I'm not into the whole tan wholesome type. hehe. (I wouldn't want to clash with them;)
Okay, NO, this isn't a personal ad, even though it might look like it *laugh*.
If you're worried about sleeping in too late, whisper Jupiter Jupiter Jupiter before going to bed.
I wonder if playing Hey Jupiter all weekend will count?
"To me, "weird" is doing what a magazine reeking of perfume tells you to do. Weird is refusing to take any real opinions because you're afraid somebody will disagree and won't like you. Weird is having no passion for anything. Weird is not thinking for yourself. Weird is refusing to interact with people with any kindness whatsoever. Weird is hurting somebody for no good reason - because they're overweight or funny-looking or have very little in common with you. Weird is putting somebody down just to make your sorry self feel better. That's weird to me. And that's not you."
That was part of an e-mail she sent to me last night and for that I could just run over the Atlantic ocean and huuuuug her. A lot of people knock this online thing, and say things like "Get out'a that chair and face real life". Well it's not always as simple as that. Trust me. To me, my online friends ARE my real life friends. It's just so sad that I can't be with them physically. *sigh* I mean, for instance, take these plans of me going to the US. Everytime someone back here hears of it they go "Aaaw, how long are you staying? Several YEARS? NooooOOO....I want you to stay here" etc etc...and as cute as that may seem, I really want to just look at them and ask "where have you been the past 20 years I HAVE been here? Where are you when I can't even make myself walk out of the front door and face strangers? Where are you when I need to talk because my heart hurts? You don't even know me past my mask." But of course I don't.
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I know that Bren is getting another tattoo this weekend, and I AM SO JELLYS! I've been wanting more for months now, but it's expensive, and I want to make sure I get them to look just as I want them to. I have..hmm..let me think..three more planned so far. The next one
I'm planning is the rose from Depeche Mode's album 'Violator', because I like the way it's not a conventional rose, it's sort of longer and not pretty in the "aaw a rose" kind of way...I want it black though, not red, so we'll see how I work that out..
I want it below my first tattoo, so the stem goes down to the foot. It'll probably hurt more than the other tattoo, but it's not really that large so..I'll stand for it. I want the letters DM tattoed too, with a D left of the stem and M to the right, in the style of the Songs of Faith and Devotion album cover, like that -}, without the frame stuff.
After that I have this vision that I want something on my left shoulder. I'm toying with the idea of a rather large, black ankh, and a black snake wrapped around it, because..I think it's a good metaphore, the snake and the ankh. As you may have noticed I'm mostly into symbolic (to me) things, and black tattoos. I dunno..I just don't like the idea much of having a zillion tattoos here and there with fading colours...I like black tattoo's. It gives it a more real look to me than maybe it would if it all was bright and colourful. However, I am planning to contradict myself on this because the last tattoo I have sort of planned is a really colourful tattoo.
I want a faery, all colourful, with red hair and beautiful wings flying on my left ankle, semi-large. Yes. I believe in faeries. Although maybe not in the sense of simply faeries, but more in the ways of forces. I do believe that there are forces way beyond our world, and wether it's in forms of beings, such as faeries, or simply a strong earthly force around us in the trees and wind and ourselves, I think it's there. I don't go much for religions, or the God concepts, but I don't really see myself as very new age'y or anything like that.It's just my own thoughts and ideas, and really, I don't care who thinks they're corny or silly, because, in the word of Tori "I thank the faeries because frankly, I'm not stupid".
Yesterday I met my old art teacher from 7-9'th grade. How I looooved her =) She was more like a friend than a teacher really, and I was so thrilled because..she got a baby! She's two months old and called Sally...hahah..my former teacher, Camilla, is just..the neatest. I think I got some courage from her when it comes to daring be me..she was and is always wearing these hilarious colour combinations in her clothes, and just seeing her makes me happy...and we was talking yesterday how Sally was wearing a blue hat, making people think it prolly's a boy, and she was laughing when she told me about this nice woman who once
tried to inform her that "pink and orange clash, dear", and she went "I know..."..it reminded me of last week when this guy tried to tactfully inform me that "some hair's sticking out" so I could correct it, and I went "OH, only there?", and totaly messed my hair up. it's SUPPOSED to look like it hasn't seen a brush in 5 years..it's supposed to look like a bad ripoff of Robert Smiths (The Cure) hair. I dunno..I think I look more like a Ruby Wax though, which is is fine by me, because I LOVE her, she's so rude and speaks her mind ALWAYS, and most guys think she's scary and awful...HAUAHAUAH!
*hug* That one's for you, friend.
