It's just SO much fun working on our Terminator page...I spend the entire time with this huge grin on my face. Today we sto..I mean, miraculously FOUND a lot of pictures and wav's...argh..*laugh* I've had a crush on each and everyone of the cast members at one point or another...I was even going to cut my hair like the kid, John Connor. Yes, a bit odd. I don't really know how to explain it, but I'm usualy influenced a lot by guys in movies. Odd, eh?For instance, I got my left ear cartilidge pierced because Damon Wayans looked sooo cool with an earring thing there in "The Last Boyscout".
I always wanted to be a strong no shit woman. My complete ideal (that I, of course, am lightyears away from) woman would be a mix between Mona DeMarkov (Insane russian hit woman in the movie Romeo is Bleeding, played by Lena Olin. She is incredibly lethal and sexy), Charly Baltimore (Long Kiss Goodnight, Geena Davies..hitwoman type too) and Sara Connor (Pumped up Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2). I'll settle for being me though.
Oy. Not a very fancy entry today. Well, to spice it up..from CN:
Bren says 'she had glamour shots done..and that shot was the only one that didnt show off her bodacious cleavage'
Path asks 'cleavage?'
Kafka demands to see BREN'S bc
Grasshopper asks 'And you didn't post a clevage-shot because....?'
Cosmo says 'So scan one that will show us her bodacious ta-ta's'
Path demands cleavage
Grasshopper exclaims 'ya!'
Kafka chokes on the testosterone
Cosmo laughs
Grasshopper exclaims 'we want cleavage! we want cleavage!'
Bren says 'i didnt get one, i took the least offensive one'
Grasshopper bangs his mouse rhythmically
Cosmo exclaims 'Bring on the tits!'
Path asks 'cleavage is offensive?'
No but really, we do have real conversations too, honest...
dreamt a man
he fed me fine food
he gave me shiny things.
Plants and Rags, PJ Harvey
Did I ever mention that I have a crush on words? I mean..not just fancy schmanzy words, but just...words. I borrowed an english/swedish dictionary from the library about a year and a half ago, and I just can't seem to let go of it...I mean, I can be almost asleep, and this word will pop up in my head that I just HAVE to know the english word for. Maybe I should specify my crush to the english language..because really, that's what it is. I may not always understand the poetry I read, but I can still gasp because the author put two words together that creates this amazing effect, or writes this wonderful sentense...I have a crush on PJ's "he gave me shiny things" and "pin you to my chest" at the moment...
I never have time on my side anymore it seems. No. That's not true. Inspiration just don't want to hang with me this week. It feels crappy too, because I have things I want to get out of my system, but as soon as I finaly get to sit down and write, my mind goes *blank*
I mentioned last week to a friend that I *love* the british show Absolutely Fabulous, and he goes "well you would", and so i asked "oh? what's THAT supposed to mean?" and he goes "well it's you" and I chuckled, but it turned out he didn't mean to call me absolutely fabulous (heaven forbid I'd get a compliment like that ;), he meant I'm like the three main characters. All the time. Well. I think I'm just like a big mix between Bubbles, Edinas' exTREMELY ditzy secretary, and Saffron, Edinas' daughter..for instance..
I'm Saffron with my family. Isn't that WILD? You see, everytime my brother has friends home for a slight party before going out I turn into this...snarly grouchy bitch. I boss them around like I never did anything else but tell drunk men in their 30'ties to TURN THE DAMN VOLUME DOWN and TURN OFF THE BATHROOM LIGHTS and DON'T USE ALL THE MILK!! I can't help it...they're like really really stupid young boys. They think it's hilarious though, because they think I'm like that *always*..one time they seriously asked me who I thought would win a real fight between me and my brother. (My brother is...tall. I reach his chest. Maybe. And he weights 230lbs perhaps, and has *muscles*) I went "um..I dunno?" and they looked at Jimmy, grinned and went "hehe. No contest. You'd win. Any time." The scary part is they seemed like they meant it. *shrug*
Tomorrow..tomorrow Inspiration will sit on my shoulder..dammit...
Dylan, have a good flight home =)*hug*
he came riding fast like a phoenix out of fire flames
he came dressed in black with a cross bearing my name
he came bathed in light and the splendor and glory
i can't believe what the lord has finally sent me
The Dancer, PJ Harvey
I'm getting a fire alarm, WeEeeEeEeEEe! Our group got to listen to this fireman all morning long and dammit, I got really hyper anxious, so when I was home for lunch I checked fire escapes (well, there ARE NONE, that's the problem)..and I called my mom just to tell her that if a fire started upstairs where she and my brother lives they'd be in BIG BIG trouble...and then she said she'd bring me a fire alarm..ahahahaaa..
I ALWAYS get so inspired when I watch catastrophy movies, or hear people that work with emergencies in different ways talk about their work. I just want to call the nearest hospital/fire station/police station and get all hyper and sign up for a zillion classes. But I don't.
Do you people worry ahead of all sorts of strange situations? I do...lots. I'm already worried and feeling bad in case I have to have my appendix removed sometime, because I'm, you know, over weight, and it'll be extra trouble for the medical personel, I'm sure, and so I'm really hoping I never need surgery. On the other hand I used to worry and feel bad for the same reason when thinking about sex, which has proved to be silly worries, but hey, who said I'm ever rational.
There's another guy that annoys me now. He just...argh...he insists on breathing through his nose, and since he has a cold it gets this wheezy sort of noise every time he breathes in, and I just want to shake him about a lot and yelllll at him "BREATH_THROUGH_YOUR_MOUTH!!!" Also, he smokes, but the reason him smoking annoys me more than others is because he LOOKS LIKE SOME WOMAN smoking. He just looks really, really silly. Some people shouldn't be allowed to smoke SIMPLY because of that reason: They look DORKY.*shrug*
"I have a real life now, I haven't spodded in so long so I can hardly remember how to type."
"I have a girl/boyfriend now, s/he's the bestest cutest there is, please, let me tell you all about it"
Fuck off. =)
Dress, PJ Harvey
You pleaded and squealed
And you think you've won
But sorrow will come
To you in the end
And as sure as my words are pure
I praise the day that brings you pain
[...]
And I'M GONNA GET YOU
So don't close your eyes
Don't EVER CLOSE YOUR EYES
You think you've won
OH NO
Sorrow Will Come To You In The End, Morrissey
Jessica went to a Morrissey concert last night...and to celebrate, or something like that, I got up at 4 my morning (7 her evening, time of the start of the concert), put on "Sorrow Will Come To You In The End" 3 times in a row, and laughed so much it took me half an hour to go back to sleep. Heheh, so it was silly, sure, but when aren't I?;)
50 foot Queenie, PJ Harvey
I'm reading "Phantom", by Susan Kay (who's also written an excellent book about Queen Elizabeth I)..it's about Eric, the character in The Phantom of the Opera, and it just makes me so weepy. I mean...it's such a sad story, this boy, this man, who's only "fault" was being born deformed. ARGH. It frustrates me a lot, and yeah, I know this is just a book, I know it's just a character, but...it upsets me. A lot. He's real to my mind, and I just have all these urges to hug him and tell him it's alright and blah. Heheh. I fall in love with characters in books and movies and songs all the time, which can be frustrating, but also sort of safe...at least they don't get the chance to break ones illusions about them. Heh.
We did a personality test sort of earlier today. There were four types of animals to characterize us: Lions (leaders), Saint Bernard dogs (loyal coworker type of thing), Owls (analytical precise people) and Monkeys (enthusiastic dreamers) GUESS what I turned out to be (and I scored points to show I REALLY was in this category). Yes. A monkey. So the good characteristics:
Independent, innovative, fast, social, exciting, idealistic, imaginative, enthusiastic, humouristic, intuitive, speaks openly, open, accepting and funny.
Bad characteristics:
Unrealistic, manipulative, dreamer, sure of ones views, unpractical, easily annoyed, exaggerating, stressed, confusing, hasty, boasting, ditzy and overdramatic.
Now does THAT SOUND LIKE ME? Hehehhehehehehehhe...
Don't know what's eating me today
I'm not in love
I'm not missing anyone
Call it heart sick
I just can't seem to put my finger on it.
That's me today. I'm fine by it, really, but it seems to bother people. What I really don't understand is why people seem to think that if they can make you smile, everything's alright? It was okay when I was a child, my cousin would be mean or something and I'd start to cry, and he'd feel really guilty and start to make silly faces and tickle me to make me laugh...but that's how kids work. Now it just makes me feel uncomfortable when people act that way. It's sort of assuming that I have a childs mentality, and whatever's making me quiet and sad looking can be overcome if they tell a crappy joke so I groan and roll my eyes for a second or two. I'm still too polite to just tell them to fuck off. I don't really want them too either.
I feel weird. I have a long weekend ahead of me - no project on monday, so three days of me..and me. (I'll be online monday though, doh..:) My mom's going to her boyfriends tomorrow too, and so it'll just be me and..my brother at home. He'll be awful as usual though, so I'll basicaly stay in my room. Doesn't that sound exciting? Then on sunday afternoon he and I'll have our usual argument, leading to me going to pick up some takeaway chinese food for him, since he's hungover and too lazy to go himself. These rituals...they're beginning to tire me. Just so many things I don't want to do that happen over and over again. Frustrating.
My dad called last night...the call lasted the usual 3 minutes. It's funny...my brother and mother will send me on these mental guilttrips because I never visit my dad who lives across the town, but what am I supposed to do? I _can't_ make conversation with him for more than 3 minutes, so what good would 3 hours of silence do? I feel mean for thinking this way, but my dad is a stranger to me. I've gotten money for my birthday/christmas gifts ever since my parents got divorced (when I was about 4) from him, simply because he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything I might like. I know it's partly my fault that it's like this, I guess I could've tried a bit more, but there's just been too much in the way.
I've grown up knowing that my father abused my mother (and later my brother) physically and mentally during the entire marriage [around 20 years]. After the divorce I got to watch my dad live with a woman and her two daughters, and see them have him as a dad, whereas I was the visitor every other weekend. Time and time again I'd be let down by him in various ways, anything from him not helping my mom out in buying me my first bike when his girlfriends' kids got new bikes, to having to stay home instead of going with them to Bosnia for my first visit, because his girlfriends' mother needed my spot in the car.
I love my dad. I know he loves me. We just don't know each other.
Icecream. That's what I want. I'm gonna get it too..oooh yes. And you can't have any. Nyah Nyah.
Carried, Maria McKee
S&M Lukkey asks of you' hi - saw the photos - very interested to ask you a thing
or two - may i?'
You ask of Lukkey 'okay?'
S&M Lukkey asks of you 'ever channel any of that attitude to teasing
men - making them do what you tell them?'
Lukkey likes to be told and toyed with and humilitates
S&M Lukkey tells you 'humiliated even'
You tell Lukkey 'okay'
S&M Lukkey tells you 'i'm very serious about learning to be submissive and
take orders from a strong, smart, wicjed woman - can you help'
You ask of Lukkey 'heh, u saw some pictures of me on my homepage and already
thinx i could be your dominatrix?'
S&M Lukkey tells you 'more of a fantasy - but i'm very serious 0 and
if you don't ask, you never knowe :)'
S&M Lukkey tells
you 'you make the rules - i just follow them :)'
You tell Lukkey 'heh, i do know what a madame does, i just fail to see how it
would matter online :>'
S&M Lukkey tells you 'i like to do
what i'm told in real life'
You tell Lukkey 'join the army then.'
Stafford squeezes your cheeks
Stafford makes squisshy noises with your mouth
Stafford smiles
Stafford touches your nose
You tell Stafford 'oh my'
Stafford touches your nose again invading your personal space
Stafford is a psycho.. he is a nose rapist
You tell Stafford 'it's been touched before so...yer not my nose'first'
Pennsylvania Stafford tells you 'oooooo'
Pennsylvania Stafford tells you 'a nose whore'
Pennsylvania Stafford tells you 'just my type'
You tell Stafford 'heh..my nose isn't very picky'
Stafford repeatedly touches your nose
Pennsylvania Stafford exclaims to you 'do you like that!!'
You emote 'Lani nose frowns...excessive nose touching might wear it out :P'
to Stafford.
Pennsylvania Stafford exclaims to you 'i dont want to do that!'
Stafford smiles and makes squisshy noises with your cheeks
Stafford plays with your lips .. bubbuddybubbbdy
Pennsylvania Stafford exclaims to you 'you are fun!'
Stafford plugs your ears
Stafford lets go
Stafford plugs your ears
Stafford lets go
Pennsylvania Stafford exclaims to you 'i like you!'
You tell Stafford 'heh, thanx :P'
Stafford rubs your face
Stafford traces your forehead around your cheek to your chin
Stafford thinks you have a cute name and cute cheeks
Stafford squissheies your cheeks
You emote 'Lani bites..NUFF' to Stafford.
Just another day online.......
I'm falling back into my Phantom addiction fast..argh..it's just..the saddest most wonderful story around, and I STILL SAY CHRISTINE'S AN UNWORTHY BITCH! :P~
Halloween's coming up, and _I_ am going to celebrate it! Dammit! I've spent my whole life growing up all sad because we don't celebrate the only fun holiday around in Sweden...the only time we get to dress up here is on easter, when we can dress up as witches and get money/candy before we go to BlueHill to feast with the devil. Bah. I'm gonna dress up on friday! I'm gonna be a *drumroll* GOTH!hahahha!! I kid you not! I'm going to buy temporary hair dye and dye my hair BLACK...and then...white powdered face...LOTS of black eyeliner....black outlined lips with bloodred lipstick..so silly..and hair so sprayed it'll just be a big big mess....Robert Smith - eat your HEART OUT!
Hehe, I'm going to have a real life now...Maria called last night, and so I'm going over there today..hehehe...gunna watch Bjork stuff and I'll play PJ Harvey's "Dry" to her..and..I'll get to hear Bjork's new album - Homogenic! Soooo excited..WeEEe =)