It's true. It's really really hot here, around 86 degrees farenheit (30 something degrees celsius)...I'm highly uncomfortable. I come from a country were 25 degrees celsius is considered a damn fine summersday. Temperatures like this are freak accidents that occur maybe 5 days/summer. Needless to say, I feel like a steamed carrott. Blah. Because of the heat, I've whined at least every 5 minutes, online and irl "it's so damn hot!!!". Well. Maybe I should have stayed quiet at #analove...for they quickly suggested that I'd lose a few clothing items. Hah, cha'rite. Was what I. Said. And then, all of a sudden, I found my t-shirt in a pile next to the computer in the lab. It was something about the way I was getting suggestions to "TAKE IT OFFFFFF..." that caused it. Not long after that, the see through black shirt came off too. There's nothing like sitting slumped behind a computer in shorts and a sportsbra when a bunch'a guys walk in. But who cares? OOO. Nudity. Maybe I'm subconsciously trying to allure new reader?? NO! I'm trying not to turn into overcooked spaghetti 8(

More nudity. The program for the Nucleodanza thing (which turned out to eb a fascinating modern ballet type of thing, and not tango) contained a line saying: *Some of tonight's program may contain nudity. I guess a guy and a girl with bare chests could qualify as that. As would the naked dancer that sprawled about for 5 minutes too. Heheheheheheh, it was very artistic, of course...really. I have a soft spot for dancing, especially when it involves 9 people beating themselves with plastic flowers spastically.

More to keep with the theme: I Saw The Full Monty last night. It was funnnny, of course. It warped my brain though, so it got trapped in a britspeak loop for the rest of the night, so I kept quiet as much as possible. I don't know why it is so, but sometimes my tongue twists words up, and things come out sounding mysteriously british. I'm rarely aware of this, so the only indication would be Jesica cracking up because of it. :)

If they don't open the pool soon I will personaly beat somebody up. yesterday we went and did laundry..the laundry house happens to be right next to the pool..the magically turquose, clean pool..locked, out of reach. IT IS EVIL, I TELL YOU!

What I invented yesterday: Slice an apple. Sprinkle lots of sugar and cinnamon over all the slices. Fry in butter. Eat. I'd like to think of it as applepie without the crust. Simple, and quick :) Now all I need is tons and tons of vanilla custard ooooo stop my brain from imagening this =>8((

And so the girl quickly pulled the t-shirt over her long, soft bunny ears, ended her writings, and slowly walked out into the suffocating sunlight. BYE! :)

Wednesday, April 1 Humidity: 90% (The april joke can be read here.)

I feel (indifferent?) weird today. No. That is not it. I'm physically tired because of this heat, and now - the humidity. I WAS NOT MANUFACTURED for these conditions. Someone should wheel me back to the factory. I should be excited about it being april 1. Not in the mood. I'm having a bad case of My God I'm Ugly And Fat Not To Mention Untalanted-itis right now. It's okay. It will pass. It always does. In the meantime, I'll keep looking at my reflection in the storewindows I pass, the image on the side of the cars I walk by. My shadow on the ground. How overly dramatic :) I mean, 'tis true, but still. I've spent a lot of time today going through random web diaries online, by hitting the Open Pages random link. I must say most of the diaries I've seen haven't done the slightest to make me want to read them. It's all the doom and gloom and generally used on-the-verge-of-ending-their-life themes that get to me. No. I am not implying that there is no place for being depressed , or not in a good mood online. Doesn't this post sort of prove that?;) What I mean is, sometimes it seems people are more busy projecting an image of themselves than to just be themselves. I don't know. Nevermind me. It's just one of those days.

SHIT!!!!! I was just informed that we might be losing our deposit on our apartement. Apparently we were supposed to give a 45 day notice before we left..but since we're scheduled to leave at the end of this month, we're lacking 15 days or so. This means - no $232 back for me. This means..another catastrophy. Why the HELL is it that as soon as I begin to feel secure, something shitty happens? I guess no Arizona for me. No...Jessica. Shite.

On a happier note, a kind Fluffy Man by the name of Dylan offered to donate some money for my "bring back my red hair" fund. Right now my hair is keeping me down quite a bit, as the plum has washed out, and left a soggycoloured mess behind. I need vibrant red hair. I NEED IT. Now :( It feels so odd though, accepting money from a friend. Does that make sense? I mean, I would see to that it wouldn't end up being that much, of course, but still. Feels..odd.

We're off to see the Wizard, The wonderful Wizard of Oz Well not exactly. I am, however, going to eat at the Hare Krishna's soon though. I hope they serve that weird peanutbutter mash thingy dish they have sometimes, I'm very fond of it. Maybe some good food will make me feel less like that green fuzz that grows on food that has gone bad?:)

One last note. I CAN NOT STAND TARA LIPINSKI! Nicole Bobeck and Michelle kwan..maybe..but NO TARA LIPINSKI. That fake barbie smile and that tiny body swirling around the ice rink makes me wonder what on earth I ever saw in figure skating. brian boitano. ;))))

Friday, April 3 Every finger in the room is pointing at me I wanna spit in their faces Then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos, Crucify (Little Earthquakes)

Strange days. All of a sudden I seem very accepted at #analove, and it's a bit intimidating, because...because...hmm. I have no reason. I enjoy it. I have become too reclusive at CN, it seems, I pretty much stick to the same 5-8 people I talk to there, and that's it. At #analove, there's a new group of people that actually acknowledge me when I log on. There's something in me saying that I must be real since people out there know about me. Maybe that's what happens when you grow up basically alone. I've always had friends, but never more than maybe 2-3 people at a time. It's strange when you sit at home, and all of a sudden realize that if something good, or bad, should suddenly happen, you have -no-one- to call. No-one. Maybe that's why I sometimes get sad when I'm online, when I realize the ton of people I used to know, the milelong e-mails I used to write, and receive, logging on somewhere and have people great me for 10 minutes. Now I idle for half hours at a time, waiting for someone to log on, not even bothering to communicate with the other people logged on I barely know. I wonder if it's me who've grown grumpier, or if the climate online really have changed?

There's a bonemarrow drive going on at UNC, and I'm actually going to participate. I'm meeting Jesica there to go with her and do what's necessary. I'm going to give blood, from my arm. I have never, for as far back as I can remember, had to do that before. I'm rather freaked about it. Pathetic, I know. I am, however, going to go through with it. I keep reminding myself of this Oprah episode, where a little boy had donated bonemarrow to his own father, and the father had survived thanks to it. When Oprah asked him how he felt about it, he said that he was so angry that so few people signed up and did these kinds of things, because how can one keep from saving another one's life, just because one is afraid of a little pain? I agree. I'm still freaked, though. And what if they analyze my blood and OH "Hi you have a really stupid DNA and your iron is too low and quite frankly, your blood sucks." Fear of rejection from donating BLOOD. That is sad, isn't it?:)

I called Reshma yesterday :) It's time to make it public, what everyone already know: RESHMA IS THE SWEETEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. I am constantly amazed at her ability to befriend pretty much everyone online. I remember her as a wee talker toddler, darnit! I'll make sure to sweep by London on my way back to Sweden (may 10), to have you buy me flapjacks. I still want to know what they are :)

Off I go, to bleed. I'll make sure they don't drain me, though. That's TheMonk's job, it seems. (Person at #analove :)

Late Addition: I did it!! And IT DIDN'T HURT! I got a pretty little bandaid on my arm, and that's that. No pain. DON'T BE A WUSS. Donate blood. Come on..do it do it do it do it :) Afterwards we got to eat bagels and chips and pretzels and popcorn and drink soda, and since we got there late (my bus was half an hour late 8(), they were packing up, so we got the bagels that were leftover...I have 15 bagels in my backpack and a half full soda bottle. I ROCK! :)

Monday, April 6 and I hate and I hate and I hate and I hate elevator music The way we fight The way I'm left here silent Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes (Little Earthquakes)

I seem to have quite a brain ache today. I woke up at 6.36 am, rushed to pee, get dressed and jet out the door to make the 6.39 bus. I failed, of course. Since I got out of the house at 6.42, however, I managed to catch the 6.55 am bus instead, and grab a later TTA bus. For once, the lady actually let me onboard, instead of bitching about how I should wait for the bus on the right side of the street, promptly labelled "Durham". Phew. Arriving at 8.10 I hurried up to this lab and finished my homework + wrote English Essay III in one hour and 20 minutes. I'm quietly impressed by myself. Still. 6 minute morning's are a bit too narrow even for me. I hate oversleeping 8(.

Numb numb numb brainskull. Oh what a nice chant. :) Oh. I was too busy thinking about how I can't think of anything to write about, I almost forgot what happened yesterday. We had another fire and called 911. This time, the fire was actually in OUR apartement, though ;) Yes. Jesica was the one why jumped the phone a called 911 a bit too fast again. NO...it was nothing serious. Aziza managed to leave a pan unattended on the stove with oil in it, and it caught on fire. Jesica paniced and dialed 911, only to hung up on them as she came through, because the fire was put out. A minute later she got a call back = "Hello, did you just make a 911 call?". She explained what had happened, and they told her they would send out a non emergency fireman to check up on it. 5 minutes later, that person pulls up in the driveway. A BIG, ENORMOUS FIRE TRUCK. That's their idea of a non emergency checkup??? At least there were no sirens, and only two firemen (not in gear), but STILL. We had to suffer that humiliation once again. Our neighbours must think we're paranoid about fire, or pyromaniacs. I don't know what i'd qualify as. :>

Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma Reshma HAUhauHAUHBAZUBZUAHAUAHAUHAUA!!!@@!!!@!21!!!! (hehe, sorry :)

I ate so much yesterday it was silly. But dammit, it was about time. Me and Jesica walked all the way to the main street where all the stores are, and had icecream at Swensen's. What I had? Okay...The Tremor. HEHEHEHHE. 4 toppings of my choice. 5 icecream scoops of my choice. Whipped cream. THREE cherries on top. Sprinkles. It was worth it just seeing the eyes on the little boy sitting at the table next by us bugle out. HHJAUhuaH. I am so mean. =>8). The icecream was not enough. We dragged our bellies all the way to this sportsbar, and had french fries WITH CHEESE. It was an ordeal trying to walk home without dragging my bellyflop onto the ground :) We walked through a neighbourhood we'd never seen before, and I got so infatuated with the flowers and the trees and the cute houses and the cats walking around contently in the gardens I almost cried. I flipped around and threatened to kiss every tree in sight. I would have, too, had I not been too busy not peeing my pants. We saw a really cute house for rent, and this morning Jesica called and checked on it...2 bedroom, $1200/month...blah =( We need a 3 bedroom that would amount to around $250/person/month. Anyone have any suggestion?

On a completelty unrelated note - I think my bladder has gotten smaller. No but really. I don't drink *that* much water, and yet I get these attacks when I must run to the bathroom within 5 minutes or pee my pants about every hour. I AM NOT INCONTINENT. Hush. It just feels like it's shrunk, that's all. Pleasant, eh?:)

Special message to all those who ahve e-mailed me about my PJ harvey page - I'm glad you liked it, I am responding to your mail, it's just my laziness bug biting my butt as usual, keeping me from actually replying to your mail. I will get to it soon, I hope. :)

Btw. Hairy Butts suck. I just thought you all needed to know this. Hehehhehehe. (No, I'm not -really- in a giggly mood, it just suited today's entry :)

Wednesday, April 8 I'll tie your legs keep you against my chest oh you're not rid of me yeah you're not rid of me I'll make you lick my injuries I'm gonna twist your head off, see till you say don't you wish you never never met her PJ Harvey, Rid of Me (Rid of Me)

I spent all day yesterday working at the Chapel Hill Animal Shelter, doing my community service. We have to do 15 hours/semester according to my school, so I figured with only 3 or so weeks left, best get that out of the way... I got up at 7, showered, shoved an apple and the two remaining bagels from last week into my schoolbag, and left for the bus. I managed to get to the animal shelter around 8 am...only to find that they don't open until 9. Yey. I quietly sat down under a tree, ate my apple and a bagel, and read stories in my english book. A bit before 9, staff people finaly began to show up. After gathering my nerves, I managed to walk up to one and ask if I could do some community service there today (read: yesterday). She said yes, we walked in, I filled out a paper, and off it went. I was shown into the kennel...The stench of dog urine and faeces was very urgent, but I managed to walk through it by thinking it wasn't much worse than the smell of a stable, or barn. After that, it was mostly the volume that got to me. Numerous hungry puppies and large dogs, all barking and whining, waiting to be served breakfast in a cement building with lots of echo can be quite...noisy. I lived. :) I was told to do the dishes. I washed dirty food bowls for 2 hours. Dried drool, leftover food, and animal hair scrubbed off by me, and then dumped in a barrel of bleach for 10 minutes at a time. Boy was it fun reaching into the bleach barearmed again and again and again...in the end, my hands were so clean they were SHINING. But the animals got fed, at least :) The rest of the day was spent hosing down animal carries with water and bleach, carrying out trash and recycling stuff, more dishes, petting PUPPIES and CATSSSSS, feel good about doing something good, etc. In the evening I was so physically exhausted I only managed to make some peanutbutter and jelly sandwhiches for dinner, mainly because I barely have -any- food at home (trust me on that one :(), secondly because hehe, there weren't any pots or pans clean for me to cook in, and thirdly because, as I said...I was SOOO tired. I went to bed at 10.18 p.m. heh.

I bought "The Witching Hour" when i first got to America, by Anne Rice, and I've been reading it ever since. The problem is, even though I love it, I'm only on page 180, or so. How pathetic is that? Me, the one who used to go through books like icecream. Sheesh.

Hmm. I want to write more. I need to write more. But the bus is approaching, fast. If I miss it, I will miss the bus home to our apartement, and I'm hoping that this old geezer I've seen there a couple of times will be on it. I know. Pathetic. He must be 45 or SOMETHIGN, but he looks cool, with shoulderlenght straight hair in that grey shade that is, uh, cool. I don't know. it's sad when you look forward upon seeing certain strangers on the bus, coz it gives you a sense of actually knowing people around here. Well. He did say hi the other night. I hadn't spoken since around noon, and this was around 7 pm, so my throat crumpled up and I must have sounded snarly when I managed to crank out a wane "hi" back. Not that it matters :)

Thursday, April 9 POST IS ON THE WAY. Honest. If I can get Jessica to put it up for me :) All I can say is, I've been wearing black all day, plus my black lipstick, and heh, the best comment I've gotten so far was from one of my professors. "Jennie! What's wrong with your mouth??" " It's supposed to look that way." "OH I'm sorry...I thought you were ill." The things in life that make me happy...

I don't know what it is. I keep having these fantasies about these people I don't even know. *laugh* (I can feel this is gunna be a statement I'll regret in the morning 8) No but really. There are just TOO many humans out there that trigger something in me! Blah! I mean...you know how people seem to have a type that they always go for? Well. I don't. Or wait, that's a lie. I do have a type. In fact, I have several. TOO MANY. Scrawny, tall, pale geeks. Preferably over 30. The slightly shorter geek with glasses and short hair, late 20's. MmMm. Men in their 50's that don't seem their age, preferably casually clothed. Oh wait that sounded wrong. (Or right, mebbe it was a freudian slip?:) Great examples: Robert DeNiro. Adam Sandler. Noah Wyle. Conan O'Brien. The guy on Buffy The Vampire Slayer that plays her Watcher or something like that. Is there a pattern there? I think not. Ah well. At least I'm not too narrow minded =>8) (Ghod, I hope it's just a weird case of spring whoremoans. It does make for more interesting rides on the bus though. I think my sudden outbursts of laughter, or huge grins are beginning to scare some of the bus drivers. I've changed my favourite seat from the right one in front over the wheel, to the one in the back. I wouldn't like to get banned from the bus for freaking the bus drivers, now would I? hehe. No, I will not share any of these fantasies. Forget it. Get your own :P)

Dum-de-dum. Got my phonebill. $95. Hehehe. HEHEHEHEH. No...I'm not panicing...no. Never. I celebrated with some Snapple and cheap peanutbutter cups. Still have to make it to dinner, though. After all, it's barely midnight...who needs early dinner anyways? Hmm. I'll make...uh. I have ketchup, rice, macaronis, two cans of red beans, two cans of green cut beans. What the -hell- can I make out of that??? Blah. I'll...I'll figure something out. I'm sure I'll find something to keep me from falling into a pile on the floor with cells screaming for water and vitamins and NUTRITION. Nothing like some self pity. hehe.

I took an exciting new step at rec.music.tori-amos. I..posted. I mean, I have posted a few times before, but now I posted an official DELURK post. It's amazing to see these people, whose words I've read since mid -95 now great ME. it's a bit intimidating. And I still don't think I have the guts to continue post real posts. Ah well. We all have our short moments where we get to roll around in marshmallows and chocolate.

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