The funniest thing happened though yesterday as I was walking home. I was limping due to my heel wound thing, wearing my old redhooded sweatshirt, hair in stupid Shirley Temple curls due to the rain, and very pale (I think _all_my blood gatheredin my bump), and this guy walks up to me, right out fo the blue, goes "I just have to say this -You look like someone from another century" and I went "uh huuuh?" "Well, that was all i ahd to say really...bye" and he left. WeIrd!?

OH and then I got home, and my grandma made me some hot chocolate and saaaandwhiches, and we sat and talked..and THEN...Bren called!!!!*grin* That was so cooool and sweet. bah. =)In less than a week I've talked to three of my best friends on the phone..so cool...WeeEee.

I have GREAT NEWS btw! I got a letter that I have my financial aid approved for US! Isn't that AMAZING? Now all I need is to send the certificate, and wait for NCCU to decided whether I am worthy of admission there or not. This is so EXCITING..coz if all goes well, I'll be in the US by the second half of this MONTH! If not, I'll be there in november, and then in januar...aaaah plans plans.

Okay,my bump is hurting a bit, so I might not post a long post today coz..uh, I can't keep track of what I've said. Just rememeber THIS...

Go to a museum, and you die

I feel an essay coming on....=)

At CN this..tattoo thing's been going on while I was away during the weekend..you know, pro/anti and all that babble. I think I have a lot to say in the issue, but I dont' feel like saying it there coz. Well, I'll just sound stupid and u knwo..all that. So here goes...my view on tattoos:

I got my tattoo for several reasons, but I think my reasons change as time goes by. When I first got it, I think it was partly coz I always was fascinated by tattoos and figured this way I'd have one closeby I could study, A small part of it was probably coz I just thought it'd be cool. *laugh*

"Waaha I'm so cool now!"
A bigger reason though was that..I wanted to test myself, and see if I would go through with it. And I did..and everytime I see my tattoo I think of how nervous I was, but I came through.

It became sort of a personal thing that somehow makes me feel more comfortable with myself, the I DID IT! feeling and all that. Sure I might regret it..but so far, I feel great with it, and I think it's worth it just because of that. if it makes you feel good, DO IT! Something that feels good and positive for one person I believe, is the right thing to do AT THAT MOMENT in time. Later on we change, and if we feel it is no longer a part of our being then..that's were the removal thing comes in.

I watched a documentary about the history of tattoo's on saturday night actually..wow. *smile* I get more and more into this tattoo thing. It was amazing to see these tattoo's being tattooed in with sticks and manual needles etc etc (made me thankful for MACHINES ;) But through this documentary I think I've gotten a different vie won tattoos. There was so many beliefs of tattoo's as a sort of talisman etc that I found fascinating. The funniest was when I think some maori woman told the story that when we die "The most tattooed people gets to swim over the river and pick up the rich gifts and eat the fruits on the other side..the ones with some tattoos gets to swim in the river, and the ones without tattoo's can only sit on the bank of the river and watch. " *grin* I would at least get to swim ;)

I'm getting another tattoo...I'm very sure of it..on my left shoulderblade. A black tattoo like the other (maybe getting a small colourful thing later on if I..ever feel like it). Now I want an ankh with a snake slithering around it. Some sort of life/death thing me thinks. or maybe I'm just tyring to be COOOL, eh?;)

I AM SUCH A LOUSY FRIEND!*grin* After 2 years I found out Brenda has two cats. I'm sure she's told me before but...I mean...gosh. Next thign I'll find out that Jessica'sreally 32, married and really lives in Colombia....

I also made a new friend though.*grin* She's -already_ on my friends page..scary, isn't it? She calls herself Serendipity, writes wonderfully great poetry and..uh...is so much like me it's scary?*huge grin* That's what so amazing though...one'll be logging on to a talker just for a short while, and all of a sudden you stumble upon someone that you feel like you've known for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages. WeeEEe. Trés Trés cool!

Speaking of Brenda....

OBI-BREN KENOBI!HHHHHHHHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHEHHEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmm, I was thinking about this entry yesterday. I already decided what to talk about. poetry. Um, or other people's poetry..or something. I got to read some of Serendipity's poetry yesterday and IT IS SO GOOD. *sigh* My own attempts seem so futile compared to that. the same feeling I get when I read Jessica's poetry. Makes me never want to write another word again. NOOO don't take this the wrong way! *smile* It's really..wonderful. When I read stuff, GOOD stuff, this makes this little girl in me yell "WHY CAN'T I WRITE LIKE THAT???" and then my brain takes over and applauds in an impressed way "You really know how to do this", and my spine twitches and says "so much to LEARN...I better get started." So really. It's giving and intimidating at the same time..and I like it.

This is gonna sound silly but sometimes I feel a bit like Salighieri in "Amadeus". The way he says that it's so unfair to give one the ability to appreciate and see the beauty of music/art etc, and then be denied the ability to create. No but really. I understand that perfectly.

I love music. I mean it's not like a choice, but I just...love music. Sometimes I'll hear something too wonderful, so perfect I can't even hear the instruments or the voice, it just showers over me like water, and the feeling inside my cells just can't be described, but one song like that is worth a million therapy sessions or whatever. Yet I don't have enough music in me to create myself, and sometimes that drives me BONKERS.

Poetry. bah. I know, I've done a few tries myself, but it just won't get as I want it. Well, in a few cases I've managed, like in Dry but it's NOT ENOUGH, I'll read someone else words and think 'WHY DIDN'T THOSE WORDS want to come and play with ME instead?' *smile* yeah childish and envious and all that but I don't care. At least I appreciate poetry instead of yelling "what RUBBISH why don't you WRITE CLEARLY what do you mean "gently she spoke; of mornings I know nothing"???YOU SUCK!!"

1) I am posting half past 11 in the evening....ehe..I am at Maria's house and the poor innocent soul is letting me spod
2) Uh, I may be extremely incoherent. I get like this when it's late.hehehe

I am waiting for pictures of Jessica in HANDCUFFS!!!!heheh. that's basically all I have to say. I am feeling a bit queesy too. Okay?? Sort of that queesy feelign you get after eating too many potato chips, wher eit gets kind'a gross. I am feeling warm too..I think this is the after-real-fun-phase. ou knopw, after you laugh hysterically for ages and get quiet or I know I do at least, and..I dunno. I hope I'm not boring Maria. I've been on for like 50 mins now. Eep. I feel mena, at the same time as i know she's ok with it. That guilty feeling one get when one want to spod but at the same time is tyring to show interest in irl too. Quite a strange feeling. yeah. I SUCK AS A GUEST ;) I should read one of those manuals on how to interact correctly wih peo...nah. Hreheh, somehting tells me that'd make things weird, and me - a complete bore. :>

We're listening to PJ Harvey now. *sigh* She is SO GOOD. I feel like jus closing my eyes and being warm and flowing and like...yeah. I know I'm not describing it very well. Itä's a music thing?

Beppe Wolgers' Day! |You Suck! | ROCK ON!!!

I have a fan.

Date: Tue, 05 Aug 1997 12:28:26 -0700
To: deanna@kajen.com
Subject: hi!

Hi jennie,

Ok this is a private email to you! You a such a sweet person, and your website is excellent! Do you have a boyfriend?? You must have because not only are you sweet but also gorgeous! I'm not asking you out - Im simply asking you to make love with me!! Is that too straight forward? Anyway, that would be slightly difficult considering I live in the UK! but I would still like an answer! look forward to you mail. And all the best with the website.

Love Jaz.
(thinking about you!)

Date: Tue, 5 Aug 1997 14:11:56 +0200 (MET DST)
From: Jennie Alibasic
Subject: Re: hi!

Mm, who are you?:>

Jennnie. I...think.?

Date: Fri, 8 Aug 1997 06:20:05 -0700 (PDT)
To: Jennie Alibasic
Subject: Re: hi!

HI thanx for the reply!

What do you mean not a pretty girl!! I think you are really sexy, I mean it - if you have a boyfriend thats ok - we could still get under the covers can't we!? No but seriously I think youre really nice and you have a nice sense of humour - you really make me lugh with those wise cracks on your website - and please dont put yourself down so much - I would really like to get to know you - before we go to the heavy petting stage of course! I like to know peole before I have sex with them!

Ok reply soon
love Jaz

Date: Fri, 8 Aug 1997 16:30:20 +0200 (MET DST)
From: Jennie Alibasic
Subject: Re: hi!

heh, yer one obnoxious fella' aren't ya?
Jennie

Date: Fri, 8 Aug 1997 07:45:11 -0700 (PDT)
To: Jennie Alibasic
Subject: Re: hi!

Hi Jennie

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything - don't get me wrong, your homepage is REALLY cool - I enjoying visiting it. And you really are a nice person. I apologise if I said something wrong. But remember, if you ever need a friend ... you've got one.

Jaz.
PS happiness is in the heart not in an email ...

The end? (Okay so I'm a bitch then :P)

Gunna go see Men in Black tonight, and tomorrow it's finaly time for that trip to the museum..again. I wonder what will happen this time to prevent me from going?? My bump is still there, it's kind'a hard and yet mushy...and still big, like a small golfball. It's almost scaring me a bit...isn't it supposed to be gone soon? I know so much about weird medichal stuff from books and tv/movies, but they never talk about bumps. What IS the standard time for a bump to disappear? What is INSIDE the bumP? Do I want to know? Do you know any answers to these question, kindly let me know.

I JUST realised I never made a link for Jessica's diary! Three posts, and her diary is already cooler than mine. *whine* SEE???

This is one sad whiney day. Originaly I lost my inspiration. I didn't feel like writing at all, but now I feel sad and whiney again, so I'll give it another go. I feeeel...hmmm. Not important. Is that a state of emotion? No, I don't mean a 'I'm so lowly nobody cares about me wah wah wah' kind'a thing. Empty kind of? The only way I can explain it is...I was at CN, and I've felt rather lost all day. It started with a trivia game..I LOVE trivia games, but I felt lost and barely said a word. I felt intimidated or something. I know it's irrational, I just get this 'this and that person couldn't care less what I have to say' and thusly I keep quiet. The idiot approach to life. It's been like that all day too, I feel like I have no gutts at all, and no business expecting people to bother with me at all. I've had these days so many times before though, so I know I'll snap out of it rather soon, but it's annoying when it happens. I hate the feeling of...of....lostness? I CAN'T DESCRIBE IT, the nearest I can come is I feel as lost as I do when I hear "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me" by The Smiths.

*smile* DAMMIT NOW I LOST THAT MOOD coz of Jessica. Now I feel all good and warm again. Did I mention Men In Black was everythign I thought it would be? Now the only movie left to see for me is SCREAM

I wanna talk about how sometimes we mistake things. You know, maybe sing a line in a song wrong or something. I wanna talk about...hm...the band Kiss. When I was growing up, that band was so HUGE. (I know, it's having a revival, I'M NOT STUPID) Anyhow. The name Kiss I thought suited the band so well, and I thought they looked so mean and tough, coz boys with a name like that must be. BUT. The thing was, I hadn't learnt any english yet, so when I read KISS somewhere, I connected it with the swedish word kiss which means - pee. Yes, you heard right. And all those years I thought they were called PEE. Tough name. And by saying that, I just wanted to say that how on EARTH coudl they be called KISS(in the english sense of the word?) That must be the wussiest name ever. No wonder they had to put on huge light effect shows and wear makeup. I wouldn't wanna be known for being in a band called Kiss either.

You say 'i feel like i've soaked in a bath for a week and all my thoughts ran away or somehting'

I stayed up till 4 last night playing Arkanoid on my puter, and Sisters of Mercy on my cd player. VERY interesting combo...I think I looked like a hypnotized lab rat. 3 Hours and I never got past level 4. I SUCK!*grin* Thank GOD I don't have Tetris!

Let's see. What do I feel like talking about today. Well, it's my mother's birthday on sunday, and I feel so guilty. I NEED to get her something nice for her birthday, but I don't have any money, so I'll have to buy something a week late.

Or maybe I should just borrow some money from my grandma and buy her some flowers and some silly thing...I'll throw in a haircut(by me..STOP CHUCKELING, I can actualy cut hair, I was gonna be a hair dresser at one time..that was after I wanted to be a fashiondesigner, but before I wanted to be a movie make up artist and slightly before I wanted to become an aid worker in Africa) I wanan give my mom something nice, she deservesw it for putting up with some of my crappy tantrums and just putting up with me and my brother at all.

Our family isn't the party kind though...I mean, really...what do you expect..my relatives are all around 80-90 yrs old..they're so sweet though, and they bring flowers and money and eat some cake and gossip with my mom and grandma about people I don't know.

I don't have enough irl friend to have parties/get invited to parties either, which doesn't really bother me, because most parties I HAVE been to have been so boring. People sit around and drink to get drunk, and play lousy music (a song must never be played to the end) No fun convo's going on, not to mention the couple that MUST occupy the bathroom to have sex, the guy that turns violent when drunk and has to have 4 of the other males to pin him to the ground after yelling "YOU'RE ALL WHORES"...the girl that decides she must sit in every guys lap, and then the lovestruck guys telling each other "yer my best friend man...I never tell you this, I mean, I love you buddy..yer always there for me...". When I turned 18 my friend Micaela made me go to Rainbow with her though (the only disco in my town). GOD THAT SUCKED. I haven't been out (except for Crazy farmers days) in..a year or maybe even two. it's just not worth it.

It's just not my thing, at least not around here..the music sucks, the people sucks, and I feel very starred upon. It had some fun things happen though..this guy I'd had a crush on for 5-6 years walked up to me and just kissed me, right out of the blue, and then left. That was fun. And this annoying guy came up to me, and he was real drunk so he couldn't speak very well, told me he was irish (in irish) and we talked a bit, until he decided I was no fun no more, laughed in my face and said in swedish ' hehehe just kidding'. I later heard he WAS Irish, but had lived here for 10 years or something to that extent. Interesting.

I hate stupid stupid people. This ugly stupid guy next to me asked me for the english word for säl, and I told him, seal. he didn't believe me, so he went and looked it up inna dictionary, only to find I was right. WHAT IS IT with people, don't I look believable? Wait, don't answer that..please.

I retook the purity test. I'm down to 52.2%. SEE? Still a good girl :P~ (Yeah, the 500q one)