"I'm just going to stick with cats and masturbation."

"LOOK OUT!LESBIANS AT LARGE!"

That's all I have to say. It's really hot, and my shirt is clinging to my body, and damp, and no Jessica on, and not a thought in my head that makes sense. I feel so SLOW. Blah. That's what you get for being a sluggy spod. And I could only afford one can of Dr Pepper too =(

WARNING: never just eat fresh spaghetti with tomato and garlic flavor mixed with lots'a cheese. No Matter how yummie it sounds, it leaves you with a queasy feeling. Blah. I'm gunna go home and watch Jerry Springer instead. I love that show. Yes I am serious. That audience needs a good slap or two though. BIG slaps. I'll elaborate on my opinions regarding talk shows tomorrow. Maybe. Too warm now. Too..wamr..argh....

It's gotten so bad that yesterday I actually thought about turnign the lights on, putting music on and playing on my puter till the sun came up so I could go to sleep then. I practically did too, I spent 2 hours tossing and turning with my heart beating real fast and sweating imagening stuff. I got to sleep after 4 in the morning =(

I'll try and describe it..I imagine stuff. DUMB IDIOTIC STUFF, but I can't stop...it starts as I turn things off and lie down to go to sleep...I'll imagine that if I keep my arm too far out the edge of the bed, I'll suddenly touch something, a face or so..then I'll press my side against the wall and pull my feet up under the covers so nothing could touch my feet from the floor, and that's when I'll suddenly notice how quiet it in, and imagine I hear a rat running on my floor..a spider crawling in my hair....and I'll imagine arms shooting out of the wall...i'll turn my back to the wall and "know" that if I open my eyes I'll see someone sitting across the room looking at me, a face outside my window, a hand on my neck, a corpse under my bed...etc etc etc. I know this sounds childish, and it IS, but believe me, it's no joke, or something I seem to be getting over.

*sigh* I thought it would help if someone was there with me as I went to sleep, but to tell you the truth, it never worked that way. Which is sad. I just *can't* explain at all how it feels. I just know that it's getting worse, much worse by every night. If I could only be online during my night, that'd calm me, but as it is now...I just have to wait it out till I'm so worn out I fall asleep, have strange scary dreams and wake up as from a coma in the morning. Does anyone have any advice to offer?*sigh*

On a brighter note. Hmmmm. I'm Thinking =) Jessica's back..it was some computer that went Boom Boom that kept her offline yesterday..that's good to know. I went to the kajen chat today, and Kafka and Kerowyn came along..and I got to talk to Bullet again! he used to be like my online brother/dad, and he was the one that got me hooked onto Morrissey/The Smiths and Radiohead. I miss that guy sometimes, but we all know we outgrow people sometimes..or situations..I dunno. I'm gonna try and check in there a little more often from now on I think, even though it's not the same..Never can be the same. Okay. I'm putting my HAPPY FACE ON so..WeEE..

I saw 'That Thing You Do' last night...erk ...it was cute and all, but that song almost made em throw up the third time they played it..and 4'th..and 5'th..and...and..and...The guys were cute though, Liv Tyler is always yummie, and I SWEAR the base player was that guy that played Bastien in the first Neverending Story! he was so adorable! WOOOO! No but really.....

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Lani ate her red crayon
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570 lbs, 3'4, red hair, evil grin, cramps. anythign else?
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You are logged in from: (194.14.90.115): 194.14.90.115
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bytch Lani has been logged in for 1 hour, 20 minutes and 31 seconds
That is from 02.52:53 AM - Sat, 16 August.
Her total login time is 2 days, 1 hour, 47 minutes and 41 seconds.
She is ignoring shouts.
Email: deanna@kajen.com (private)
www: http://geocities.datacellar.net/SoHo/Lofts/5019/
Lani has 0 new and 0 unread mail messages.
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Your entermsg is set to ...
Lani don't think you appreciate her entrances enough
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Your ignoremsg is set to ...
oh FUCK OFF you impotent sorry excuse of a human
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>Crazy RiKuS tells you 'so your a bitch..guess so, your not talking'
Crazy RiKuS tells you 'bitches i like though

You tell RiKuS 'what u do on your free time is none of my business :>'

Crazy RiKuS tells you 'never said it was....so there
>RiKuS sticks his dick out at u
RiKuS laffs
Crazy RiKuS tells you 'its all good'

You tell RiKuS 'um, and what are my choices? to laugh condescending or just simply give u my sympathy'

Crazy RiKuS tells you 'neither ...hehe'
Crazy RiKuS tells you 'u dont know what im showing u so do what u like'
Crazy RiKuS tells you 'not like its going to bother little old me'

You ask of RiKuS 'little being the keyword here?'

Crazy RiKuS tells you 'hehe..good one...but im not going to say...it just aint kewl to brag about penis size'
Crazy RiKuS tells you 'and if u were any part woman u would know that..that its how u use it...'

You tell RiKuS 'gee yer flattering me. argh, i can't handle this much positive energy.'

Crazy RiKuS tells you 'I like your attitude'
Crazy RiKuS tells you 'its kinda like mine when i wanna be like that...but not usually...just a regular nice and sweet guy'
Crazy RiKuS tells you 'grins'
RiKuS slaps your ass like u deserve it

You emote 'Lani blankly looks at you...gee. i'm so impressed...don't restrain yourself, please, make more of an ass out of yourself, it's entertaining :>' to RiKuS.

Crazy RiKuS tells you 'so do u like being a bitch? get u many men? doubt it'

You tell RiKuS 'it's gotten u interested enough'

Crazy RiKuS tells you 'not really...if u thought that'
RiKuS grins
Crazy RiKuS tells you 'wouldnt admit it if it did'

You tell RiKuS 'oh gee now yer breaking my heart here..'

Crazy RiKuS tells you 'mine 2'
RiKuS laffs

ThE EnD?

Okay, I'm gunan go buy my momma a bday present, and think about if I wanan go to tomorrows high school reunion or not...*shrug*

More Resort:

tan! Kikker says 'here's a little story about lani'
tan! Kikker says 'i love her by the way'
tan! Kikker says 'she was 16 and on the run from home.. she found a job in times square working live s and m shows.. 25 bucks a **** and johns a happy man.. she wiped the filth away and was back on the streets again'
tan! Kikker says 'spreading the disease'
tan! Kikker tells you 'but father william saved you from the streets'
tan! Kikker tells you 'you drank the lifeblood from the savious feet'
tan! Kikker tells you 'your sister lani now.. eyes as cold as ice'
tan! Kikker tells you 'he takes you once a week on the altar like a sacrfice'
tan! Kikker tells you 'you are my only friend that helps me find my way'
tan! Kikker tells you 'they brainwashed you like they brainwashed me'
tan! Kikker tells you 'i am programmed to kill you are programmed to have sex with me to make me forget my evil deeds'

su tan! Kikker tells you 'i am programmed to kill you are programmed to have sex with me to make me forget my evil deeds'
tan! Kikker tells you 'lani.... i dont want your body ..'
tan! Kikker tells you 'i want you to live'
tan! Kikker tells you 'they sent me to kill you..'
tan! Kikker tells you 'you thought you had them foole.d now they sent me for you.. you knwew too much for your own good.'
tan! Kikker tells you 'but my love for you is too storng'
tan! Kikker tells you 'we have to break this evil trance we are on'
tan! Kikker tells you 'i loveee you laniiiiii .. what we need is trust to keep us both alive. help us make it through the night'
tan! Kikker says 'i have no want of any faith.. swating hands like fire and flames'
Kikker cries to lani
Kikker cries at her feeet

REUNION. My Class. I attended. Okay..out of 32 people, 9 showed up. 9 people who wasn't the ones that had anything in common with each other ..there was me, and I'm, uh, me as you know. The second group was Cornelia, all around cool chick that's sporty and snowboards and skiis and goes horseback riding and ..and...she's cool though, so she and I talked some..the third group : The guys...the 3 guys that showed up... I knew I was "back" when I heard one fo the guys that had gotten even taller and lost his chubbiness joke about the cows dung and other similar things when we was walking in the woods towards the beach.. The fourth group was formed by the 4 girls in tight jeans, fashionable summertops and a totaly fifi attitude. "are we really gonna sit here on the cliffs where's a real beach oh can we really sit on the ground wuah ANTS the water is so cold" ARGH!!!

I swam in the ocean though. *silly proud smile* I haven't done that in Sweden for many years..(due to a lot of phobias that I'm trying to beat) It was actually a good day, and I didn't even let the presence of those dimwits cloud that. I dunno..if I do get into NCCU, then that means I will be leaving Sweden soonish, in some weeks, and I just felt I needed to know what I was leaving. And now I know. I'm leaving a postcard, a painting. It's *just* that beautiful around here ...where ever you look, there's the woods, fields, the sky is blue and the colours of the clouds don't even have names. Dammit, even the cow dung fit in.

I watched one of the best movies I ever have seen too : The Ppl Vs. Larry Flynt! (yeah yeah I can see you guys grinning at me now, I know whatchu thinking, a movie riiight up my ally...well, yer RIGHT!;) It was *very* good..wah..it's the kind of movie I wanna see over and over again, because despite it all, it had a point...unlike me ;)

Also, my former friend Helena (feeel the crystal) stopped by...my god...I'm starting to believe in that movie the Bodysnatchers now..gone is the sort of annoying but funny girl I knew years back, here is a papercut out with NO sense of humour, and an attitude screaming "yer all living in my world..I'm the head ant here...because I know things you don't...and because you don't believe in the things I believe in.." it just PISSES me off...she was ranting about some guy she met in PAAARIS(tm) and how they unfortunately forgot to exchange addresses and oooy her cousin studies computers and he's online like, ALL the time, wouldn't you know? and he goes to school and knows stuff, you know, stuff you don't know, other stuff than the general stuff all of you and your friends know, like trade secrets and stuff yeah

ARGH, I'd wanna strangle her JUST for the pleasure of having her reborn as a peasent ant.....*gnarly me* It's the things she'd say.."eeew you have a tattooo" (yes dammit and I LOVE IT and I'm GETTING MORE) ..and I mentioned I think I wanna get married in Las Vegas if I'm ever married, which I meant, right now I want a nasty thing there with a drive through wedding and a taxi driver by day/Elvis impersonator by night singer and just...you know, bad taste stuff like that..and she actually says "you think you'll have someone to marry then?" I felt like yelling ARGH YER GONNA DIE and as a matter of fact YEAH SO SHUDDUP YOU BITCH..she really didn't bring out anything good in me =( argh.

*good mood beams towards Jessica* yer gunna get that job, girl, you just wait and see

Suck-O-Meter! I spent aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day long working on this instead of writing on here..yeah yeah, I suck.....

I inoficially have gotten accepted to NCCU!!WOOHOO!This means I'll be there in what..2 weeks? I can't even THINK about that! I have to go home and make a list of things to bring now...