August
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The costume designer and I've almost made me a hat.. at least the model. I'm almost through designing a vampire dress and cape we're gunna make for Halloween. And to think I get CREDIT for this and it's counted as SCHOOL WORK. The PJ news page is really going strong - all of a sudden I got a zillion e-mails and bits of info... it's really exciting. I might might might get a job as a lab monitor for the school.. only 3-6 hrs a week, but it'll help pay the bills. Yey. I'm going to shut down this lab now, and run for the bus, and take cover for Hurrifuckingcane Bonnie. *shrug* |
I've only one thing that fits today:
Stormy Weather
Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky. |
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she tears my heart out everytime
PJ Harvey, Electric Light.
Blargh. The PJ Harvey News Page has taken so much time to set up this week, time that I usualy would have spent putting up a diary entry. I've really begun to miss writing here, even though I've posted twice before this week. I dunno. I feel like I'm cheating on you guys, lashing into a whole new thing that consumes my time, cheating on myself by putting up the latest news on this musical artist I've never even seen breathe in real life. It's so rewarding, though. People e-mail me every day, I get exclusive things like the lyrics to the as of yet unreleased album, praise, reviews, pictures.. I really feel like I'm doing something. It is so cool to know that people talk about my site, and give out the url for people who want news... argh. it makes my belly rumble and tumble, and yet not crumble. I'm only sad that it looks so shitty. I know it. There is a reason, yes, I've had very little time to spend on the attractiveness of the page, and concentrated on the content alone, but still. It makes it feel a bit poo. Word of The Day: Bunnygoth Just think about it.. me and Jessica skipping about Arizona in our fake Goth makeup and clothes and all that, with our bunny ears proudly wiggeling back and forth. I haven't said it before, but I am now. I am planning a trip to Arizona this upcoming xmas to visit Jessica :) |
Okay.. so wednesday I missed the bus after all, and got a ride back with my advisor. And now he popped in to
say he'll give me a ride today again if I close up the lab. The lab.. Yes. I got the job. I GOT THE JOB. 6 hrs a week I'm a lab monitor. How geeky is that? I'm hoping to make enough money to pay phone, power and bus fare every month, though, so even small money is something :) I HAVE A JOB. I didn't have to apply or anything, they just gave it to me. Some times the spirits are sweet. So what else has Jennie been up to? I finaly got my mattresses, so I am now fully moved into my room. It feels so good to see MY Cds in neat order along MY wall, and to sleep on MY mattresses wrapped in MY comforter (actually I bought it at the yardsale where we got the reclining sofa. It's covered with a "Disney's The Little Mermaid" print, but I'm over looking that since it's been used for so many years it's all soft and nice. Perfect.) Last night I spent talking with Jesse.. heh, he was supposed to leave around midnight, but I made the mistake of walking him to his car, and we ended up sitting/lying on the sidewalk for 4-5 HOURS talking and just being sleepy. Eventually I dragged him up and let him have the livingroom floor, and a pillow. I ended up with an hour and a half of sleep. This led to me falling asleep 20 times during one hour of science lab. How dorky is that? It's finaly friday, friday, friday, and all I wanna do is snuggle up in bed with some Jarboe on. I wish I had a puter with a mike and good mixing program.. I have an amazing mix of Jarboe's "I got a Gun" stuck in my head, all whispers and screams mixed into this big audioscape.. I wonder when the sounds in my head will get to come out and play for real? Maybe when I'm 60 and nothing ever embarrasses me anymore... I'll wear shock pink sweatbands with pride. I am now shutting down all the computers in the lab. This is twisted. I'm always the last one left in computer labs, hanging on to the puter to post something or send something or just plain read something, and now I have to throw MYSELF out. Maybe this lab monitor thing isn't a GOOD thing.. OH GHOD THEY'RE CONTROLLING ME. Ah well, I get paid. |
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I hurt myself today
Tori Amos, Hurt/Caught A Lite Sneeze Intro.
The PJ Harvey News Page is still pretty time consuming. It's weird logging into your usualy tiny new e-mail folder, to find 31 e-mails, all with different bits and pieces for the PJ page. I'm very grateful, the praise makes even my ego blush, but at the same time, it's like I'm swimming through ketchup, I can't dive for shells because I'm busy trying to keep my head over the surface. Talk about love/hate thing. Alas, it's kind of freaky to all of a sudden have a buzz. People actually talk about my site, they recommend it to other people, I got a mail from someone saying "thanks for posting about it at the pjh bb".. only thing is I never posted it anywhere, so heh.. it's growing, and I don't know if I'm keeping up with it. Ah well. I try.
I went to my costume design teacher's house today... geez, this woman is SOOOO talanted. She showed me photo's of sweaters she's made, and we ruffled through several drawers for fabric to use on my hat.. we ended up with this magical dark stretch crushed velvet fabric that I just looooooove. It's kind of funny though, because everytime I say "I love that!" she'll go "You like it we can make one for you, I teach you.." .. rar.
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I went to a class, the professor walks in, states that she can't concentrate on today's subject, and dismisses us. Yey?
I've felt like a soggy pillow all weekend long.. I've spent it either sleeping all day and up all night, or snuggled up in the couch with my blanket, watching a Tori Amos concert video. NO I AM NOT OBSESSED. I really am not. Just sort of hung up on the whole thing for the time being. And of course, Lee picks this time to e-mail me and tell me that she's in on this online auction on a couple of front row tickets for a Tori concert in South Carolina, that also involves getting to meet Tori, asking me if I want in on it, because I'm the only one she knows who understands how big this is. I said yes. SHHH. No, I'm not saying YES I WILL PAY $300 HELLO TORI I BROKE BUT I LOVE YOU. I'm going to try and keep up, that's all. Should the bidding get out of hand, I'll simply try and find someone else who can fill in on my spot with Lee. I may be crazy and not all there, in fact, I'm often quite stupid, but I still have a different goal that's more urgent that seeing Tori. I want to go to Arizona. Badly. So no matter what happens, that's the main focus.
I ate at Wendy's for the first time this weekend. It was... alright. I boiled some eggs to eat, and found that they tasted weird. I hope it's just those particular eggs, and not just American eggs. I ate several slices of watermelon. MM-Mm-mmmm. I managed to get a bigass cold that has me sniffeling all day long. And best of all, I called Maria back in Sweden and had a short chat Saturday afternoon. I love voices. And eyebrows. |
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In my head I found you there
Tori Amos, Here In My Head
The PJ Harvey News Page scares me a little bit. I put one of those net stat things on it, and now, three and a half hours later, there has been 27 hits. It's... big.
At CN
(Why I'm answering so slowly) Also, droogie would like to mention that he has discovered a net gravity constant.
A=p^j/TA= Alanis (me) p^j= PJ Harvey T= Tori... I know I know, this makes no sense to you or this diary, but ah well.
Dylan is coming to visit me and Aziza next week! Isn't that neat? We've both met him before, but this is the first time we both get to meet him at the same time. Now that's a nice birthday present :) I'm gunna drag them all to a mexican restaurant, the one I LIKE, and like everyone else turning 21, I'll celebrate by having margaritas. Lots of them. I'm apologising already for my behaviour, so when I do get drunk and act like I'm all hands and whoremoans, they'll kindly and gently restrain me and drive me back home and make me go to sleep. Now that's friends for you.
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I had the worst meal in my life last night. That's saying a lot coming from ME. It started out so well, (well, apart from me getting in a glass of soda water instead of Sprite by mistake), I had chips and salsa (the chips were a bit too salty, but still, they were okay). Then, I got to try some of the bluecheese dressing, and fell in love. It was just perfectly smooth, with yummie tiny blue cheese cubes swimming about, I even sent in for some instead of more salsa... MmmM. And then, my main course came in and... UGH. I ordered quesadillas with veggies, rice and beans and.. well, I've had this at another mexican restaurant, finding it delicious, but this time.. it was ALL bad. The tostadillas had lots of spinach in them, suffocating the melted cheese, the artichoke made it taste like some old sausage had snuck in there and died, the rice wasn't even medium warm, the salad consisted of 80% diced tomatoes (and we all know how I love and adore tomatoes... blergh), the sourcream was wayyyy too sour, the beans seemed more like beansoup, and had 60% diced tomatoes swimming around. I paid $10 for this, and I'm still all mopey and bummed.. I really am not used to having food be yucky and not good. Blah. I am so easy to please, dammit, this was just WEIRD. I blame it on those tomatoes, they seemed to creep in on me EVERYWHERE. I'm going to make sure I cook with tomatoes tonight, and I'll boil them and massacre them thoroughly, in some weird revenge thing. Yeah I know, I'm a dork.
My Elements of Speech teacher is amazing. She is just... very, very intense, and very cool. She's not afraid to say things, and tiptoe around obvious subjects... for instance, I'm the only white student in that class, but instead of ignoring it, she made it a point. "I know that when you people talk about this class, you're not gunna say "I have a girl named Jennie in my class", I know you're gunna say "I got a white girl in my class". And that's okay. Just as I want Jennie not to think of me as any woman because "she could be green for all I care!", I want her to see me as a black woman. I want her to see Vanessa Williams and think that that's Miss Forte. I want her to see the homeless black alcoholic woman pushing a trolly and think that that's Miss Forte." Let's just say, it's a very intense class where I learn a lot. To close this entry, the words my teacher closed with:
Let's think about our self's for a while. |
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he's seen me
he'd come round
he'd please me
PJ Harvey, One Time Too Many
The PJ Harvey News Page is up to 142 hits since yesterday. Hrm. Jesse keeps trying to convince me that I should get some banners or something to maybe make some money off of it, but that whole idea just repulses me. I know it wouldn't make me a horrible person, I'm spending several hours a day working on the site and get nothing else out of it but the satisfaction of the work itself, but.. blergh. I'd feel so wrong even to make 3 cents off of it, I dunno. I'm doing this because I need to devote myself to something, and a website seems as good as anything. I am toying with the idea of joining some subtle things later on, like those programs where you link to online music stores, and get a percent in cash when someone follows the links and end up buying something, BUT, in order for that to happen, I would have to have some goal that benefited everybody - heh, I was thinking I could try and get enough money to buy something that's somewhat rare, and organize a trivia quiz or something... Or maybe buy pjharvey.com. I dunno. Whatever.
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No.. I'm not feeling that great at the moment. I think I could pinpoint several major things that's causing this sad brain if I tried, but they don't want to come out in words and be officialized and blamed and pointed at.
It's times like this my head turn into a box filled with single words in small pieces of paper that rattle around as I move.. words that sometimes form sentences when I stop for a fraction of a second. It's as if a small, wet voice whisper the outcome of the words quickly to me, lines that get lodged into my spinal chord and won't be shaken off easily.
it pounds i'm missing some feathers it repeats itself i'm missing some feathers constantly i'm missing some feathers frustrates me i'm missing some feathers makes me smirk and sneer i'm missing some feathers drama queen i'm missing some feathers on and on and on i'm missing some feathers WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP.
It's alright. I'll be alright. Maybe it's still memories from that awful meal lingering in my head? Who knew it would be this traumatic to eat something really blahy... I keep feeling that if I could just find some berries, not sure what kind of berries, things would automatically get better. I wonder how mullberries taste. It sounds as if they might be sweet, but a deep kind of sweet taste, with a juice that leaves a track across your chin should you eat too many at once... In Sweden, we have something called cloudberries. Maybe... just maybe, that's what I need.
Took a purity test last night just because I haven't in a long, long, long while (hmm there hasn't been much reason to). Yet, I've managed to lower my score somewhat, from 52.9% down to 51.9%. I dunno. It boggles me a bit, because I feel very, very chast and inexperienced. STOP SNICKERING. |
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Maybe I didn't like to hear
Tori Amos, Cooling
The PJ Harvey News Page is up to 208 hits. I don't know why I keep track.
Erik Estrada I had a long, intense dream where I was being chased by Speedracer. The thing is, I've never seen Speedracer, I haven't listened to Cooling in weeks and can't even hum it, and that's the only place I can think of it coming from, so I'm confused. Also, The speedracer guy looked like a young, evil Erik Estrada. It's weird when a dream becomes so real you feel a mosquito bite, and scratch it (I looked on my arm for the spot when I woke up, thinking maybe it was reality incorporated into my dream. Not a mark.) He didn't catch me either.
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So, I spent most of last night on the phone.. first a couple of hours with Jessica (I'd like to take this opportunity to relay on that she's lost net access for a while, so her diary won't be updated, but I'm thinking it'll be worked out by late next week), which was wonderful, it set my mind at ease about things.. And then a couple of hours with Jesse, which was a bit chaotic, because I was cooking at the same time. Okay, fry chopped up green bellpeppers, mushrooms and zuchinni, add rice, then pour lots of sourcream over it. Blurt a bunch'a ketchup into it (HEINZ.), and add lots of spices, preferably salt, pepper and oregano, stir and let simmer for a while, um, and, eh.. eat.
i'm ok
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When you were here before
But I'm a creep
I don't care if it hurts
But I'm a creep
She's running out again
Whatever makes you happy
But I'm a creep
Radiohead, Creep
The PJ Harvey News Page is up to 499 hits.
Dylan is coming all the way from England tomorrow, to stay with me and Aziza for 17 days (or something like that). Fluff.
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No I'm okay. Really. I do have that song stuck in my head though - not sure why. It's so over the top dramatic - I sometimes just want to scoff and point my finger at it, but then I can't. When things aren't rosy red - this is what goes around and around in ones mind. It's not "Well there are people who like me if I really try to think about it things are fine I'll be okay I'm like everybody else". It's this. "Why the fuck does things never go the way I want them to? Why is this me?" - all those things that pop up when you don't believe rainbows still exist. It's at times like these you end up with words carved into your skin - it's at times like these all I want to do is erase, destroy, spew acid, not understand you, scream in your ears, touch you, ask you what this is.
My head explodes and my body aches"
It's so easy to put on the glitter and sparkle and shine, and yet have this dark oily shimmering green-not-quite-black underneath.
Friday: Went out to eat with Jesse, ended up at Gumby's. All of a sudden, we stumbled upon Joseph and his girlfriend, plus his brother, which was cool, I haven't seen either since may. Unfortunately, we all turned into linguini's, and spent all night talking and sprawling lazily on chairs and tables. I came off seeming like a bored bitch, which I regret - it's, y'know, stuff going on in my head, 's all.
Saturday: Called my grandmother and mom. I miss things. Slept in the middle of the afternoon. Ate something crappy. Watched TV. Ordered pizza from Papa John. Slept.
Sunday: Slept.
Monday: Went to Jesse's shortly to work on some images for the PJ site. Watched MTV Road Rules. Actually aquired a favorite road ruler (Piggy). Spewed acid comments all over the poor cute blonde girl, because she always got the guys and Piggy didn't, even though Piggy was a lot cooler. Blah.
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If I listen
You and me and everyone
Remember stealing oranges
You and me and everyone
Blood is a river Heather Nova, Throwing fire at the sun
The PJ Harvey News Page is up to 773 hits.
akira kurosawa is dead - well, I just found out, heh. I know I know, he was 88.. but all those images in his head are gone now. Blah. :(
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A few short notes from the girl with frighteningly white legs:
- The Swedish Girl snapped out of sticky misery and is now filled with pink bubbles with pictures of Arizona caught inside them - The cold stopped being a drippy nose and is now moving towards the throat. - Jessica is back online, causing fuzzy bunnies to giggle and jump around ecstatically in my heart - I've dreamt of tofu two nights in a row - MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS! I'm pathetically psyched, because Tori is going to present one of the awards (though we all KNOW she should be nominated for spooky wonderful Spark. Hrmph. Mtv.) - I found the first disc to 101 by Depeche Mode in a used cd's bin and bought it - I HAVE STRIPPED on cd!
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