Yesterday was also time for the annual pre-birthday call from my father. It went exactly as it's always gone for the past...uh...years...actualy every year since my parents divorce, when I was..4 years old or something.
*phone rings*
Me: (I answer mumbeling my phone number real fast. I'm no good at phones)
Dad: Oh, yer home now, eh? I've been calling for days and you're never home!
Me: Yeah I'm home...as usual..it's okay..
Dad: Sooo...got a birthday coming up..damn, you're birthday's on such a wrong day..
Me: It is?
Dad: Well you know..I have a lot of expenses this month and I don't get money until the 23'rd, you know...are you mad?
Me: Nah, it's okay, it's no big deal. No but really, it's okay.
Dad: So what do you want?
Me: Uh, I dunno, I can't think of anything..
Dad: Nothing, eh?
Me: Not really...
Dad: Well, I'll call you on your birthday, oaky? And then I'll come by the week after with a little something, okay?
Me: That's fine dad, that's okay...see you then..
Dad: Okay...bye sweetie
Me: Bye Dad.
*click*
I dunno. It's always good to get money I guess. It's just that..I couldn't care less. Money...I dunno. I remember I got a porceline doll once though, and I think christmas 1985 I got two records with some people I liked to listen to. It just bugs me though, that I can't do the same back...I mean, what if _I_ gave him $30 for his birthday or fathers day or christmas? *shrug* Whatever dad. It's..okay.
Well. I can't describe it. On the verge of tears. Almost depressed. Chronically bored. Not interested. Snappy. Overemotional. Bitchy. Is there a word describing that? (and DON'T say PMS, trust me, that's not it :P~)
Yes. Monday's my 20'th birthday. And IT'S OKAY if you forgot till now..I'm not very anal about birthdays or getting presents and things, and I'm not just saying that to be nice or humble or whatever. I mean...I don't wanna be ignored, but a simple "Heeey..happy birthday" will do just fine. *smile*
I have these mixed feelings about birthdays. I love the concept of aging, and yes, I even like the thought of my body aging, grey hair, wrinkles, sagging things..yey...(note; I'm sure I'll take these words back as soon as the things start to happen) It's...the year thing that gets to me...I don't want TO BE TWENTY SOMETHING I'm not ready for it..bah. No one's ready for it I guess. It's just..poo.
I HATE MOODSWINGS. And I can't stand Jewel or Fiona Apple right now. Ergh. I wanna smash Jewel's guitar over her head so she stops shrieeking those beautiful words out in ugly notes, there's something about her that make me cringe, and I wanna just thwap Fiona Apple on her waif belly and scream at her "I HATE YOUR 'I'm so different and bitter and true to my MUSIC I WON'T buy into trends and sell out like everyone else look at me I'm quirky, I dance weirdly when I perform on tv and DON'T ACT like you're supposed to' attitude and DAMMIT your waif image is ANNOYING."
There. Said it.
My mom and grandma's gone off for the weekend..they're gonan visit my cousin and such. I have NO IDEA what to do. I don't want to read. Playing Solitaire's boring me. Listening to music without doing anything else makes me nervous. I did find that I'm in an ink mood though. Meaning I like to draw with ink, I usualy draw strange pattern things all over sheets of paper, or draw eyes, half a face with very strange features or goddesses. They're in my 'Strange Goddesses' category, coz I'm not very good at drawing, ink can't really be erased and I always get the proportions odd...this morning I drew "The Goddess of Really Really Big Bones and Badly Cut Hair'. No I'm not gonna scan one and show. :P~
I really can't write today, do forgive me. It's like everything is...
Well I dreamed, I dreamed...
I dreamed I loved a black boy
My daddy would scream
Oh yeah
Don't you love to turn this little blue girl upside down ?
Any kind of touch I think is better than none even upside down
But you see I'm tangled up
Got a kitten, kitten, kitten, kitten in my hair
Cincinnati, I like the word
It's the only thing we can seem to turn upside down
Well I found the secret to life
I found the secret to life
I'm okay when everything is not okay
I said I found the secret to life
I found the secret to life
I'm okay when everything is not okay
Is not okay
Oh, we turn and we turn our little blue world upside down
I said, don't we love to turn our little blue world baby upside down ?
Inside my head a voice
Chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter
And it says "Girl you're all the same
Still coming out of your mothers
Still coming out of your mothers upside down..
The Good version of My Birthday:
{ooooh!} Rick snogs you!
{Kafka} alanis!!!!
{StrikeR grins...you guys are all young}
Kafka screams -=} Happy Birthday Alanis! {=-
{ooooh!} Jasz snogs you!
Cosmo sings o/~ Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu o/~
Iris says 'happy biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay'
{CuRiouS} oh yeah.. congrats on being older, alanis
{aLanis grins!!}
Rick yells 'oh well, so much for the sanity of this place!'
Iris says 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAYBEE'
Iris lags
} Rick asks of you 'ooh, your birthday ??'
Cosmo hugs you like you are Cosmo's favorite pal
} Rick smooooooooooooooches you happy birthday..MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hehe
Cosmo sings o/~ Happy Birtday dear Alanis, Happy Birthday Day T
oooo Youuuuuuuuuuuu o/~
Iris sings o/~ sana hilwa ya gameel, sana hilwa ya gameel, sana hilwa ya Jennie, sana hilwa ya gameel o/~
{StrikeR} hey it's the b'day girl!
Iris grins
{CuRiouS} just think, one less year until you'r dead ;)
{CuRiouS grins}
You tell your friends 'you guys are so silly. thaaaank youuuu =)'
Subject: HBDAY
To: alanis
From: Solaris
Happy Birthday to you!
Let me guess your true age....
Sweet 16 and never been kissed: ;)
enjoy it while you can!
[Kafkus has escaped the real world ] usr03.primenet.com [Civilian]
Jasz yells 'happy birfday alanis!'
Kafka say 'hehehe'
You snog Iris
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
Cosmo hugs you like you are Cosmo's hugging post
You emote : aLanis laughs, my my...it took me 4 and a half hours
to get connected, but wowie it was worth it =))
{CuRiouS} ok.. now that alanis si here, i can go to bed
} Iris notes that your bday thingie is on its way, should get to you in a couple days
{aLanis would like tp point out the age is 16 for legal..er..sex}
Kafka gives alanis net.gifts
Add about 5 different web bday cards to this =)
Got home at 7 in the evening. Was nicely greeted by my mother, grandma, aunt and my mothers friend/her daughter 8we've grown up together sort of). Got gifts (i.e a suitcase for Ameeerica, 200 swedish kronor and $30. A bag of chocolate candy. Some flowers. A watch. Glittery black nailpolish.)
At 7.17 my brother and my cousin makes an appearance. Sits down among the rest of us, and then openly heckels me for 15 mins. Rude remarks, mean laughing, making loud statements about my weight and the fact that I'm online so much, ensuring that any other conversations going on are impossible to have. They go back to my brothers room. The others watch a soap opera on tv. I make a cake. We eat. They leave...I go down to my place and congratulate myself on yet another ruined birthday. Hooray for me.
*smooooooooooooooooch* To all you online people. Thank you. =)
Kafkus appears in a beam of light that soon solidifies.
Kafkus exclaims 'Happy Birthday, Stupoid!'
CuRiouS yells 'ARRGGGHH!! it's kafkus!!'
{Kafka} heheehe:)
Kassandra yells 'happy birfday strange person!'
Kafkus suddenly vanishes in a beam of bright light that quickly disappears.
[Kafkus has re-entered the real world] usr03.primenet.com [Civilian]
} Kafka tell you 'she had to come say it ;)'
} CuRiouS asks of you 'are the kind people in the library gonna let you spod longer today, since it's your birthday?'
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
aLanis would like to note that while lagging, she'
s blushing extremely, near to choking of gratitude
Rick grins
You snog Iris
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
{ooooh!} Iris snogs you!
You tell CuRiouS 'no =( I'm here for an hour and a half more'
{ooooh!} Rick snogs you!
} CuRiouS tells you 'blha.. bastards.. bitches, whatever'
} CuRiouS tells you 'kill them all.. mauahhaahah'
Kafka hugs you like you are Kafka's friend
Kafka hugs you like you are Kafka's pillow
You hug Cosmo like Cosmo is your pillow
You snog Iris
You snog Rick
You snog Kafka
{ooooh!} Kafka snogs you!
CuRiouS hugs you like you are CuRiouS's puppy dog
You snog happier CuRiouS
{aLanis} nini =)
{Jasz} youre going to bed with alanis?
{CuRiouS} umm.. yeah, something like that ;)
{aLanis grins, now that i am of age??}
{CuRiouS} i'll be dreaming of her ALL night, no doubt
{CuRiouS} heh.. you were of age about 5 years ago, alanis ;)
You tell Iris 'hehe ethat scares me =)'
} Iris tells you 'It should :)'
You say 'this is as much of a celebration i'll get today'
You say 'oh, and a few relatives to visit'
Kafka say 'like this'
Kafka say 'here you go alanis'
Kafka does an impersonation of a blender
Kafka say 'WHHHHIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrr'
You emote : aLanis grins!that's what I always wanted!
Kafka say 'hehehe'
Date: Tue, 16 Sep 1997 09:21:22 -0400 (EDT)
From: *censored*
To: deanna@kajen.com
Subject: cool page
I thought I might drop you a letter and tell you that I thought your page was pretty cool. Not very many people have the nerve to be that personal or are able to say so much without being boring. You are an interesting person.
That's made me beam all day. That and just..having friends. I'm so...grateful for having the friends I do have. God I'm cheesy. =)
© 1996, 1997, 1998 deanna@kajen.com