We have some doozies this month.  For a while I was getting worried that the material was getting thin.  That goodness that this feature is based off of human stupidity, I almost lost my faith in people!

The Truth Is Stranger Than Mary.

    I was in the coffee isle cleaning up some moron's mess, when I saw something even more peculiar than usual happen in the candy isle.  I went to the counter, and there was a guy jumping up and down, holding his crotch.  I work in Oakland, so the odd is common occurrence, but this was strange.  The guy walked up to the counter and said to me, "I got caught in my fly."

    The first thing that went through my mind was "How do you get caught in your fly if you are in a convenience store?"  But I stopped myself, because I knew I didn't want to hear that answer and said, "Bummer."

    I don't know what he wanted me to say, but he looked at me and said, "I got caught in my zipper."

    I gave him my favorite you must be crazy look and said, "So I heard."

    He stared at me, there seemed to be a bit of disbelief in his face.  "Can't  you help me?"

    I thought for a second, "Ummm...  Probably not."

    He stood in front of me, bouncing up and down for a few moments, silent. I was getting ready to ask if he wanted me to call the paramedics, or to pull out the "Jaws of Life", but he finally went away.  I think I'm going to have to e-mail Ms. Manners to learn the proper etiquette for this kind of situation.

    The moral of this story is: if you are in a convenience store and get your maleness caught in your zipper, don't expect the clerk to run over and kiss it to make it all better.

We Need Lives!  We Beg of You!

    A few weeks ago in a town in western Pennsylvania, the local Burger King had a promotional deal.  If you brought in a Big Mac from McDonalds, they would give you a free Big King sandwich.  I guess that their business picked up a bit because of it, because some of the people from the local McDonalds got angry about this offense.

    The manager and one of the other employees of that McDonalds went to the Burger King with Big Macs and got their free sandwiches, which they threw on the ground, stepped on, and proceeded to dance around until the police came and drug them away.  No charges were filed.

    The moral of this story is: get lives you pathetic geeks!  My God!  What possessed losers like that to go and at like such speds?  Stop taking your jobs so seriously.  It's just fast food, not national security.