Scene 11: Death Of A Tycoon
Midnight. A room in Britney's Pad......I mean Ganon's Castle ;-)
[The room is pitch-dark, but through the light of the full moon we can see a football-shaped baby and a yellowish mouse with a thunderbolt tail lying on the floor, half-bruised. Two voices, one male and one female, are heard arguing; the guy is Steve Case, the boss of America Online, while the girl is Britney Spears.]
Steve [slowly, bitterly]
I don't mind you being a little more green than I thought. But, all the rest of it—Christ! That pitch about you being Little Miss Innocent and all the BS you've dished out everyday. Oh, I know you weren't human. But I was a fool enough to believe you was straight.
Britney
Who told you I was gay? Like, my hubby Justin. And you believed him.
Steve
I never said "gay", you idiot! Besides, last time I saw Timberlake, he overdosed on Prozac—because YOU brainwashed him into loving you. How the hell, then, is he supposed to tell me anything about you?
Britney
Like, guys kill themselves over me 24/7. No big deal. Because I'm Britney Spears.
Steve
No, because you've brainwashed 'em all. You lied to them. You lied to ME, Britney. Lies, lies, inside out and backwards, all lies.
[Bit-Bit turns her back on Steve. Steve turns towards her and fumbles to embrace her.]
Britney [keeping up her little act as Little Miss All-American Innocent Perfect Role Model]
What do you want, you old pervert?
Steve
What I've been missing all of 1999.
Britney
Then marry me, Steve. NOW!!!!
Steve
I don't think I want to marry you anymore.
Britney
No?
Steve [dropping his hands from her waist and speaking in a cold voice]
You're not clean enough to bring home to my mother.
Britney
Go away then. [There is a sinister, crimson flare in her eyes. Steve just stares at her.] Get out of here quick before I start
screaming fire. [Steve still remains staring. Suddenly, fire magic appears in Britney's right hand. She blasts the fireball
towards Steve.] FIRE! [She shoots another fireball at him] FIRE! [And another one.] FIRE! [And another one.]
[Britney shoots a steady stream of fire magic at Steve. He crashes into the floor on impact. The force of Britney's magic also knocks the unconscious Pikachu underground.]
Britney [mockingly]
Sorry, Stevie-pie......but that's what you get for defying Ganondorf Dragmire, the Great King Of Evil!
[She looks out the window. She sees Lauryn, Wendy, Chef, Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny outside her castle. They have braved her underground network dungeon and are ready for a little showdown with her.]
Britney
I'm afraid I'm— [She bites her lip, and her mouth curves into a sadistic smile.] going to be sick!
[Zoom out of Britney's room and in on Lauryn, Wendy, Chef, Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny.]
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Evil Rebirth is written by Miseducation on March 18, 1999.
South Park & characters ©1999 Comedy Central.
The Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time & characters ©1998 Nintendo.