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Have you ever imagined a world
with no hypothetical situations?, If a cow laughed real hard, would milk
come out her nose?, If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?, What's
another word for thesaurus?, Why is the alphabet in that order? is it because
of that song?, Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is
prohibited there?, Why are there locks on the doors to a convenience store
that is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year?, Why do they call them apartments
when they are all stuck together?, Why do you need a drivers license to
buy liquor when you cannot drink and drive? And why do bars have parking
lots?, Why does teflon stick to the frying pan?, Why is it so hard to remember
how to spell mnemonic?, Why are there flotation devices under plane seats,
instead of parachutes?, Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog
buns only eight?, Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up
ATM?, If you keep trying to prove murphy's law, will something keep going
wrong?, Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?, Shouldn't
there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?, Does a fish get cramps after
eating?, Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a
near miss? Shouldn't it be called a near hit?, Why do we drive on parkways
and park on driveways?, Why can't they make the whole plane out of the
same material as black boxes are made of?, Why isn't palindrome spelled
the same way backwards?, Why does sour cream have a 'best if used-by' date?
Does it turn sweet?, How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work
in the mornings?, Why is it called toothbrush when you brush all of your
teeth?, Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?, If someone
invented instant water, what would they mix it with?, Why is brassiere
singular and panties plural?, Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?,
If you are uncertain, how can you be sure?, Can a loser find anything?,
Can songwriters decompose?, Have you ever seen a haberdasher who's as mad
as a hatter?, Could the cowardly lion be discouraged, the tin man be disheartened,
and the scarecrow be reminded?, Why are some thoughts worth only a penny,
but others are worth two cents?, Why does a towel get wetter as it dries?,
Why do we recite at a play and play at a recital?, Why do our noses run
and our feet smell?, Why are there no grapes nor nuts in Grapenuts?, Why
is there no apple nor pine in pineapple?, Why are sweetmeats candy, yet
sweetbreads are meats?, Why is quicksand not quick?, Why are boxing rings
square?, When you have a handful of odds and ends and give away all but
one of them, what do you call what's left?, Why do we always make amends
but not an amend?, Why do we comb through the annals of history but not
through one annal?, Why do "what's left?" and "what's right?"
never question direction?, How can a slim chance and a fat chance be synonymous?,
How can overlook and oversee be opposite in meaning?, How can the weather
be as hot as hell one day and as cold as hell the next?, How can "quite
a few" and "quite a lot" be synonymous?, How can a building
burn up as it burns down?, How can the toilet be in the head, but the kitchen
is in the rear?, Why do we fill out a form by filling it in?, Why does
the alarm clock go off by going on?, Why do cars deliver shipments but
ships deliver cargo?, How can being dense mean being both stupid and brainy?,
Why is it that tomatoes and peppers are fruit but rhubarb and sugar cane
are vegetables?, How can resign mean both to retire and renew?, How can
it be easy as pie and a piece of cake at the same time?, If all natural
sources of sound have only a singular point of origin, why is stereo considered
more realistic than mono?, Why is it that there's always one way and not
two or all ways of a three-way-bulb burned out when it goes?, How can laundered
money be dirty?, How can you inch your foot into a yard?, Why if you have
character that's good, but if you are a character that's usually not so
good?, Can the rich ever feel poorly?, How can outing ever be in?, Why
can't beggars be choosers but choosers can be beggers?, Why does get it
on and hit it off mean the same thing?
"Nothing exceeds like excess!",
"They come out mostly at night. Mostly.",
Rex Stocklin
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Updated 08/11/97