As promised, Kate and I had talked, long and hard.

The very first thing she did this morning was ask me what had changed my demeanor last night. So I told her what Kevin told me, about him talking with AJ, and she half understood why I did what I did last night. But of course that didn't save me the lecture about my insecurities.

Then it was my time to ask the questions and I inquired about Nick. I was sure he at least knew something, but Kate denied it. She said Nick was worried about both Kevin and I. Worried that I wasn't trusting his older brother like I should. The kid was right and I couldn't deny it.

The conversation continued for about an hour until both of us were just too angry to be able to deal with the other. We are best friends, but we sure have different opinions in different subjects. And this is one of them.

"Crap!" I hissed aloud as I closed my eyes. This subject was either more difficult than I had expected, something I didn't even believe it myself, or I just couldn't do it in this precise moment - which seemed to be the truth.

"You could have finished it this morning." A voice said from the door. I turned around and saw Kate leaning against the threshold, then she started walking over to where I was. "You could have finished it in a couple of hours and Kevin could have come after lunch."

"What do you want from me?" I asked tiredly already. Tired of everything.

"What do I want? To be honest to yourself. Damn it Matt!" she half yelled at me and I knew she was mad, really mad, the minute she cursed.

I stayed quiet as she continued.

"You aren't helping ya know. How in God's name do you want the relationship to work if you really don't want it to? I can see Kevin really wants you two to be together and he's trying his best to be with ya as much as he can and you don't want to. You keep saying no. All the time."

I was dead quiet.

She sighed, her eyes full of anger and frustration. After a minute, she questioned. "Do you really love him?"

I didn't believe me ears, that's for sure. "What the heck are you talking about?"

She wasn't surprised at my choice of words. "About you two. About *you*. About what you feel. If you really feel something, and I'm starting to doubt it. If you really did loved him, then you wouldn't be acting like that, you'd be doing your best to be with him." With another sighed, she proceeded. "If you don't love him, then it'd be better for you to break up with him."

"I don't know." I whispered. "I do like him. I could even tell you I love him... but..."

"You're afraid Matthew. You're afraid of something that you don't even know it's gonna happen but you're putting all your bets on it." She looked at me thoughtfully. "Don't think about the past or the future. Just think about the present. If you feel good with him, then enjoy it Matty. If you do that, then the future will hold something nice for ya."

With that, she left.

And once again, I felt alone.

*****

I was laying on my bed, watching the ceiling with so much intensity I could feel like it was actually gonna break down and fall onto me.

What was I doing? Easy, thinking.

Yeah, thinking.

I had been thinking since yesterday morning when Kate yelled at me about not knowing what it was I wanted. Kate and I had barely spoken ten words yesterday afternoon. She had been doing some stuff in her room, while I was trying my best to finish my stupid project, but I hadn't even finished the page. I had thought all night long, barely gotten two hours of shut eye. I had thought this morning during classes and, for the life of me, I have no idea what they had taught at both Chemistry and Biology. I can't even remember going into Human Studies' class. I hated the subject, I still don't see the point in studying something I ain't gonna need while practicing, and being so wrapped up in my self analysis, I'm sure I'm gonna have to borrow someone's notes.

Yep, I had thought. And thought. And thought... and even thought some more.

And had I come to a conclusion? Yeah.

A fine conclusion, that's for sure.

I had only two days left with Kevin and I would be damn if I wasn't gonna enjoy them. I did loved him. I had also gotten to that conclusion, thank you very much. I loved him and I was gonna try my best to be truthful with him

Kate was right, something I wasn't gonna accept even if my life depended on it. She had been right. I had been so worried about what had happened in my past, about what could happen, that I had forgotten about what was going on around me. I was with someone I really, *really* liked and I was doing nothing to enjoy it. To be happy because of it.

And that was gonna change.

So here I was, laying on my bed, waiting for Kevin to show up. But he hadn't. I turned around and looked at my alarm clock.

6.20pm

He hadn't called. And I hadn't called either. Maybe he was still stuck in that meeting of his and the last thing I wanted was to interrupted him. So I had been waiting. And waiting... and still waiting.

I sighed for the nth time in the last couple of hours. I had even stop *trying* - keyword *is* trying - to get anything done, either studying or finishing the couple of papers I had due either this week or the next, because I sure as hell was only wasting my time. I couldn't even focus on the name of the subject, let alone on whatever I had to investigate. I had been way too busy worrying about what I was gonna say to Kevin as soon as I saw him.

At least now Kate and I were in talking level. It sucks big time when you're mad with your best friend/roommate. She had been happy the moment I said I was gonna try my best to be more... open with him, not as 'closet' - her words not mine - as I usually am. She said, and I quote: 'you've got this defense mechanism you've got to get rid of.' Maybe she was right about that too.

I had always been very closed in dealing with people, people I didn't know that is. I still don't know how Kate got close enough to me to actually open up to her. But she did. And boy she did!

Where was he anyway?

'Working' my mind answered me back as I sighed once again.

He *was* working. Because he was older than me and he had a job, a job he loved, but a job nonetheless. While I was still in college. A naive and, very young, college student, and he was a world famous pop singer who would never really feel anything real for someone like me and...

And lets not go down that road!

Hadn't I gotten to the conclusion he did liked me and I did liked him and we were gonna try and make it work, and all I had to do is talk with him and tell him I wanted this, *us*, to work. To make it through his tour. To really make it.

But I hadn't spoken with him. And I hadn't been able to tell him. But I would. I would as soon as I speak with him.

Now if only he would call me.

*****

Since I couldn't very well study or finish my homework, I decided to do something I shouldn't be doing: reading fanfic. You don't need to think when you're reading, you just have to enjoy and live the characters and wasn't I living them! Mulder had almost died and Scully had been there all the time and...

*ring*

"Finally!" I yelled out loud happily as I took a deep breath. We don't wanna sound desperate on the phone, now, do we? Picking up the phone, I glanced at the computer watch.

7.45pm

So it was a little bit late. And? We could still hang out together for an hour or so and then have a nice dinner and...

I stopped my thinking as I spoke in the auricular. "Caldwell." I stated with a smile on my face.

/Hi./

Was it me or did he sound cold? "Hi Kevin. How are you? Where are you?" Yeah, like *that* didn't sound desperate!

/Well... hmm... I kinda got stuck in the meeting. It's gonna take me a lot longer than I had expected and... I don't think I'm gonna make it. We're checking everything for the start of the tour and there are this... mistakes... and I've go to.../ His voice was distant, cold.

I interrupted him. "You don't need to give me any explanations. You can't make, it's alright. You still with management?"

/Yeah./

"Ok. It's fine... when... when are we gonna meet?" I mean, he *was* leaving tomorrow and I hadn't spoken with him yesterday and today he couldn't come so...

/I... I don't know... you've got classes tomorrow morning, right?/

"Yeah. I've got classes till 5.30pm. What time exactly are you leaving?" My own voice sounded doubtfully and whatever conviction I had had just a minute ago had left me as soon as it had appeared. Yep, we were back in square one.

/Ten thirty, but they'll pick me up from my place at nine thirty. We can meet before that, if ya want?/

If I want? Of course I want! Wasn't he the one who had been hurt because I had said I couldn't make it yesterday? And now he was half questioning me if I wanted to meet him before he left for God only knows how long! Damn right I wanted to meet him! "Yeah, of course. Look, what ya say if ya stop by at... 6pm? I'll leave from class right away and I'll be here before you arrive." I didn't want to sound pleading, but I really wanted to see him.

/Hmm.../

Why was he doubting? I felt tears in the back of my eyes as everything fall into place in front of my eyes. Of course he didn't want to see me! He had yesterday to think about what AJ had said and had probably came to the conclusion that I really wasn't worth the time. He was probably thinking of a nice way to break up with me.

"It's ok if ya can't." I was giving him the opening for him to say no, if he wanted.

/No, no, it's ok. I'll try to make it. Then I'll see ya?/

"Yeah." I whispered. My voice was dead.

/Ok. Bye./

"Bye."

With that he hung up and I stared down at the receiver in my hand. What the heck had just happened?

*****

Kevin hung up the phone and rested his head back onto the pillow. He fixed his gaze with the ceiling as he repeated his conversation with Matt in his head.

/when are we gonna meet?/

Matt wanted to see him, but Kevin had denied, hadn't he? Kevin sighed. He looked around his room. He had gotten back from his meeting with management at 5.50pm, but he hadn't gone over to Matt's. He had gone to his place and swallowed in self pity.

Why? Because he had been thinking the day before and that very same morning why everything was going on as it was. Last night and the night before he had barely slept, his nights being plagued by the nightmares of a night so many months ago. Greg's voice had been taunting him endlessly, reminding him he wasn't worth loving, that Matt really didn't love him, that he was only with him because he thought Kevin was a good man, a good boyfriend, but the minute the tour started, the minute Kevin left, Matt would realize just what a great mistake he had done.

And then there were AJ's words, that seemed truer the more he thought about them, but not because he thought Matt could actually play with him, but because the age difference *should* matter. Kevin should see just how unfair he was being by forcing Matt into a relationship that the only future it hold was lies and deceive.

And now he had told Matt he wasn't gonna see him today, and he had heard Matt's sadness through the phone. He had wanted to see Kevin, and Kevin had refused. He had said *maybe* they could see each other tomorrow, when he didn't want to do *anything* but spend his last hours in Orlando with Matt.

/It's ok if ya can't./

Matt would have let him of the hook easily. He gave Kevin an opening to say he couldn't make it and they wouldn't meet. Matt wouldn't have been angry if Kevin couldn't see him before leaving for tour. Matt would have understood and it broke his heart even deeper.

Closing his eyes tightly, Kevin turned around in his bed and hugged his legs, burring his head in his knees. He had hurt Matt. He had hurt him, and Matt hadn't blame him.

As tears started running down his cheeks, he heard Greg's voice in the back of his mind.

/You aren't worth it. Matt will realize it./

And, not for the first time, he believed the voice.

*****

I looked at my almost full plate. I had barely touched my dinner, my fork still between my fingers as I picked at the chicken and baked potatoes. I wasn't hungry. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to do anything.

"You should eat."

Kate's voice brought me back from my musings as I raised my eyes to hers. She was worried about me and I could see it in her eyes, in the way her eyebrows closed slightly within each other and how the left corner of her mouth switched slightly up.

"I'm not hungry." I stated emotionless as I let my fork fall loudly on the plate. I picked up my napkin and cleaned my lips with it. Taking a sip of my orange juice I turned to look out the kitchen window into the back yard. The moon was already shining and the stars should be too. The pool would be sparkling under the dim light. It should be a lovely sight. And I wished I could share it with Kevin.

Damn it! That was why I didn't want to let Kevin in, because I knew, I just *knew*, there would come a point when Kevin wouldn't want to be with me anymore and I didn't want it to hurt as much as it was hurting already.

"Matt..." Kate started, perfectly knowing the reason for my lack of appetite, for my lousy mood, but I didn't let her finish.

"Forget it, ok?" My voice sounded so tired, practically exhausted, but it was a pale comparison to just how tired I was feeling inside. "Just... just forget it." I sighed and stood up. "I'm going to bed."

With that I left the table and made my way to my bed way too early for anyone, after all it was barely nine. I changed quickly and got into bed.

I forced myself not to cry. I wasn't gonna cry about something I knew was gonna happened. About something I let myself fall into. Because if I hadn't listened to Kate and Nick, then it wouldn't hurt. Not so much. Not as much I was hurting right this minute.

*****

Kate saw Matt's retreating back and sighed as she dropped her fork loudly.

'Damn him!' Kate cursed. 'What had happened? What in God's name happened between saturday night when Kevin wanted to see Matt so badly I could see him sadden when Matt said he had 'stuff' to do and now when Kevin himself stood Matt up? What!?'

"Agh!!!!" Kate cried out in frustration, burring her face in her hands. Everything seemed a huge inquiry and she didn't know where to begin. "What happened?!"

She stood up and walked over to the sink, where she placed both their plates. Matt had barely touched his dinner and Kate hadn't been any better.

"What the heck happened!?" she questioned the empty room, as she started putting the plates in the dish washer. "First Kevin really wanted to see Matt, and Matt was just too stubborn to accept he does love him. Then, after me yelling at him, Matt gets some sense in his mind and wants to talk with Kevin and the *jerk*" she half spitted the word in anger while putting away the orange juice and the salt. "Doesn't come, fully knowing he's leaving tomorrow night for months!"

Placing the chicken left over in the fridge, she continued her ranting. "Crap! What is it with these people!"

After making sure everything was put away, she left the kitchen. "I'm gonna end up with an ulcer from all this." She muttered to herself as she got into her room.

Kate changed into her pjs and got into bed. Looking at the ceiling, like she had so many nights whenever something plagued her mind, she prayed to the heavens for some help.

Hoping for a better day tomorrow, she turned around and tried to fall asleep.

*****

I looked out the window. The sun light had been replaced by the dark night as the hours had passed by. True to my word, I practically run out of Biology's class as soon as the bell had rang and Kate was already waiting for me - that's the luxury of having ten hours less per week. We had arrived home in record time and it was barely five till six.

I sighed as I glanced at the clock that stood in the living room. I had been trying to finish a book of my always beloved Edgar Allan Poe, but I just didn't seem to focus. Sucks.

I sighed once again. There were times I wanted time to go in a flash so I could get home and read a little bit of fanfic, but there were other times that I prayed for time to stand still and this was one of those times. It was already a quarter to seven and Kevin hadn't come, let alone called. And I was really starting to worry.

Maybe things hadn't been as clear as I had thought they were. Kevin didn't seem to want to see me as much as he did, or as much as I wanted to see him at the moment. I didn't know what was going on anymore, but it seemed, to me at least, that Kevin wasn't feeling the way he had before. Maybe he had realized he didn't like me... or loved me.

I heard the characteristically sound of tires and then an engine being shut off. It had to be Kevin. Kate was on the back, doing the laundry. Just as I had predicted, two seconds later the doorbell rang.

Letting my book fall down unceremoniously on the couch I had been occupying, I walked over to the door. I closed my eyes and let out a small sigh as I tried to gain strength to get through the rest of the nigh. I opened the door to revealed the man I had been waiting for. However my breath seemed to get caught in my throat as I looked at him.

Something was different. Something was *definitely* different.

His usually clear and soft green eyes were a lot darker than I remembered them, tiredness clearly visible in them under the dim light of the lamp I had been using to read.

"Come on in." I moved away and he entered the room, walking over to the living room. I closed the door and joined him on the couch. He had half seated on my book as he got it from under him.

"You were reading?" Kevin asked as he placed the book on the center table.

I nodded.

He stayed quiet for a minute. "I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier... I..."

I didn't let him finished. "It's ok. You were probably busy." At least that was what I had been trying to tell myself as minutes ticked by and the night took over the day while I was all alone watching everything pass by my eyes, while waiting for him. Waiting for him.

Slowly, and doubtfully I realized, Kevin leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. It was an innocent kiss as my lips never parted - not that they had ever before. A second later he pulled away and gave me a smile. Or he tried, but failed miserably.

Neither of us said a word as he pulled me to his chest and I let myself lay down against him. The steady beating of his heart could be heard as my ear was pressed tightly between his pecks and I felt somewhat relaxed, even though he seemed a little bit tensed up.

Time passed us rather quickly as he run his fingers through my hair and the smell of his cologne filled my senses. I think words weren't necessary at that moment, specially because I really didn't know what I could possibly tell him.

After a while, Kevin's deep voice broke the silence. "I'm gonna miss you."

I wanted to believe him, I really did. But I wasn't sure if he really did meant it. "You'll call, right?"

He nodded against the top of my head and once again silence took over.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy being in Kevin's arms. I did. A lot. I had to, because somehow I knew... I had this incredible gut feeling that this was gonna be the last time I'd be in his arms. So I better enjoy it while it lasted. And it lasted very little.

Before either of us knew, the deep sound of the old pendulum clock let us know it was already eight thirty. Kevin would have to leave any minute now if he wanted to get to his place with enough time to check out his bags and whatever it is you do before leaving your house for months at a time.

With heavy heart, I untangled myself from the embrace and sat down properly on the couch. Kevin sat down as well and looked down at his hands. I cleared my throat softly, hoping any of us would break the silence. Since Kevin didn't acknowledge me, I realized it'd have to be me the one who started the dreadful conversation.

"I guess... hmm... this is it, right?" I whispered.

Kevin raised his eyes to mine and I could see hurt in the stunning green shade they had taken in just a second. He didn't want to leave. At least that was what I told myself so the pain wasn't as much as it was. I wanted to believe Kevin was hurt because he was leaving.

"I'll call as soon as I can." He stated softly.

I nodded. Then gulped, loudly. This was even more difficult than what I had imagine. I looked down at my hands and didn't know what else to do. So I didn't do anything.

We didn't say or did anything until a quarter to nine when the clock's eerie bell was heard in the room. He stood up slowly and offered me his hand, which I took sadly. I stood up and together, hand in hand, we walked over to the door. I fixed my gaze with his and knew my heart by breaking little by little every minute that passed by. He leaned over and kissed me softly, then kissed me again. When he pulled away, he brought his hand to my face and caressed my cheek. I smile at the soft touch and closed my eyes slightly as I responded to the touch. I was gonna miss him. So very much.

"I'll call you." He said again, and his voice sounded so far away. If it was because he was really hurt or because he didn't know what else to say, I don't know.

I nodded. "So will I."

He kissed me once again before giving me a small smile, then opening the door himself, he left. I stood in the threshold as I watched him get in his car. I stood there until the back lights weren't seen anymore and his face was just a memory imprinted in the back of my mind. I didn't want to get into the house, because, somehow, it'd make it all real. The fact he had left and I missed him already.

With heavy heart I walked back into the house and closed the door. I shut my eyes tightly, forcing myself not to cry.

With a sigh, I made my way to my bed where, without thinking twice about it, I got under the soft covers and hugged my legs tightly to my chest. I wasn't gonna cry, but that didn't mean I wasn't gonna swallow in self pity, right?

*****

Kate sighed as she saw her dear friend ascend the stairs to his room, as she was sure that was where he was going. Closing the kitchen door quietly, she made her way to the small table and sat there, while continuing her phone conversation.

"Kevin's gone. Matt's totally depressed and I'm worried about him." she stated through the phone. "What happened? What?"

/I don't know Kate. I really don't. And I wished I did./ The male voice said over the line. Kate heard him sigh as well. /How long was he there?/

Kate checked her wrist watch. "A little bit over an hour and a half. Just an hour and a half Nick, when Kevin knew perfectly fine he's gonna be gone for months!" she complained.

/Something is definitely happening. I mean, I was static when you told me Matt had finally agreed in taking with Kevin. Really talking, and maybe even telling him he loved him. And now this./ After a while, the young singer continued. /Do you think AJ has something to do with this?/

"What do you mean?"

/I don't know. Maybe whatever it is they talked about made Kevin think... I don't know./ His voice held frustration and Kate was able to register it.

"You're saying that maybe Kevin doesn't love Matt anymore?" Anger started raising within herself at the only thought. If Kevin was so blind he didn't see what a great guy he had as a boyfriend, then he didn't deserved him.

/No, no! I'm not saying that Kate. I'm not, ok? But you said Kevin told Matt he talked with AJ and he told Kevin they were rushing things up, right? What if Kevin thinks AJ's right? What if he just wants to take things... slow?/

"You're wrong Nick. You're wrong. This isn't taking things slow, this is breaking Matt's heart. And I'm not talking about not spending time with him. I wouldn't be half this mad if he was busy, God knows we get busy from time to time as well, but I'm talking about *how* he's acting with him." Kate sighed. "Matt told me how Kevin spoke with him on the phone, he said Kevin was distant. That isn't taking it easy, that's being cold. And I don't like it."

/Look, lets just give them time. Ok? We're here anyway. I can talk with Kevin if I have to and you can talk with Matt if he gets down./ Nick suggested to the young girl. Now that he knew about Matt's... problem, he was planning on helping as much as he could. /Maybe it's because of the tour. We all get kinda worked up as the tour starts. Kevin takes the worse, since he's the one management talks to. Just give them time. K?/

Kate sighed, something she had been doing far too often ever since Matt and Kevin got together. "Ok, I'm giving them that. But if Matt gets down..."

/Then we'll be there for him. Now he's got us *both* on his case Kate, he's gonna be alright./ Nick stated, leaving no room for questions or refutations.

Kate smiled at Nick's words and hoped he could see her smile. "Ok. Ok."

/Good./ Nick said as it was his turn to smile. /Now, how are you?/

"Fine. I think. Missing you guys already. How was your trip over to the folks?" Nick had called her sunday morning to tell her he was taking a small trip to see his family before leaving for the tour. He had been sad about not being able to spend some time with both her and Matt before the tour started.

/It was great! Aaron is huge and the girls are so much taller than I remember them. I had a great time. It sucks I can't spend more time with them./

"Hey, at least you saw them before leaving, right?"

/Yep! Now if I could have seen you guys. It's just that my parents wanted me to say until this morning and then.../

She dismissed it with a soft laugh. "Nick, it's ok. We've been hanging out together for the past three weeks, it was time you spend time with your parents." She stood up from the table and walked over to the fridge for a coke. "You gonna call Matt?"

Nick heard the distinctive sound of the refrigerator opening and he knew exactly what she was doing. /You're getting a coke./ It was an statement and he didn't even waited for confirmation as he continued. /Maybe later. I have the feeling he isn't in any mood to talk with me or anyone for that matter. Not for a couple of hours maybe./

Kate snorted. "Yeah, you're probably right." Then, remembering Nick's earlier statement, she spoke. "How did ya know I was getting a coke?"

/You can't live without that stuff. That and I heard the fridge being open, the only you could get being *this* frustrated is a coke. Am I right?/ He asked with amusement.

"You've been spending too much time with us kiddo. *Way* too much." Taking a sip of her coke, she questioned. "What are ya doing exactly?"

/Nothing much. I just finished packing and I'm tired as hell, then I thought of calling ya and talking with Matt and then you told me about Kevin being there and well.../

"You packing?" she asked incredulously and with a laugh at picturing the young blond trying to pack all his belongings.

/Hell yeah! The van is picking me up around nine thirty and I need to be done by that time. Kevin will kill me if I ain't ready and I don't wanna start the tour in his bad books!/

She laughed. "How many bags do you have?"

/Ah... hmmm... well.../ She heard him start coughing slightly and Kate started laughing all over again. /You gotta remember we're gonna be away for months at a time... so.../ He said nervously.

"Oh my god! How many do you have that you're so nervous about it? It's got to be a lot of bags. Five? Ten?"

/Well.../ Nick trailed off.

"It's more than that? Oh Gosh! Ok... how many Nick?"

/It's not *that* many. Usually AJ has more bags than me anyway./ With a sigh, Nick continued. /Twelve./

"Twelve? Well, it's not that many, that's for sure. I was thinking of something along the lines of twenty or something like it. Specially since you're away for God knows how long!"

/We'll be gone for about six or seven months, then we've got the world tour. Actually, this time I'm flying light. Usually my bags aren't under fifteen./

"Why light?"

/I'm planning on going shopping as soon as I get to the major cities./ Nick said with a grin, and Kate knew it perfectly fine.

"Enjoy your shopping." Kate heard the sound of the pendulum clock indicating it was already nine. "It's already nine."

/Shit!/

"Watch your mouth Nick." Kate said sternly.

/Sorry. It's late, and I still have to close the house and everything. Kevin is gonna kill me! I gotta go./

Kate laughed heartily. "You better hurry. Is Kevin getting picked up before you?"

/Yeah. I think the order is Kevin, Brian, Howie, me and AJ./

"Ok. Take care kiddo, and call me as soon as you can, alright? You better don't forget of us, little old college students!"

Nick snorted a laugh. /I could never forget you or Matt! I'll call as soon as we get to the hotel. See ya Kate./

"See ya." With that, Kate hung up the phone, a small smile on her lips. Maybe Nick was right, maybe things would be alright.

*****

Kevin got into the van and closed his eyes. Slumping further into the seat, he rested his head against the soft cushion. He couldn't forget Matt's coal black eyes shining at him, hurt evidently to whoever care to see.

He felt tears pricking in the back of his eyes and he vowed not to cry. Not there, not when they were already on their way to Brian's place and as soon as the young man saw Kevin, he'd questioned about his tears and Kevin wouldn't know what to tell him. Because Kevin couldn't very easily tell Brian he had hurt his boyfriend. He had hurt the man he loved.

After he had left Matt's apartment, he had gone straight to his house and wept. There wasn't any other word to it, he had wept like a child. He was gonna be gone for months and the last thing he had seen Matt was a little bit over an hour and they had barely spoken ten words. The promise of phone calls, the only thing letting him know they'd stay in touch. And the worse part of all, was it was his fault. All his fault.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to relax. They would be in the airport in about an hour and then everything would go as quick as a flash. He had to be calm enough to actually enjoy this tour, not like the last one. Not like that one.

Ten minutes later the van stopped and Brian got inside.

"How ya doing cuz?" Brian asked as soon as he took a seat in front of Kevin.

Kevin shrugged. "Fine, I guess."

The young man realized something was going on as soon as he saw Kevin. "You ok? You didn't fight with Matt, did ya?"

Kevin stopped himself before laughing at the irony. He hadn't gotten mad, nope, Matt hadn't been angry at him. He should have, but he hadn't. And it hurt Kevin even deeper. "No." He said softly.

Brian sighed. His cousin could be really difficult some times, and this was one of the those. Evidently Kevin didn't want to talk about it, and he had to accept Kevin's decision, as much as it hurt him to see his beloved cousin in such a state.

Hopefully things would get better with time. Maybe all Kevin needed was to get used to being away from Matt, specially since they hadn't been apart more than hours for the past three weeks.

Yeah, hopefully.

*****

Kevin placed his backpack on the high compartment of his seat. After making sure it wasn't gonna fall down as soon as he open it, he sat down. Looking out of the window, he gazed down at the Orlando terminal. It was already eleven thirty and the night seemed darker than usual. Or maybe it was his mood that was darker than usual, that make it look like the stars weren't shining like they should, and the moon was hidden behind mysterious clouds and the wind seemed chilling as he had walked to the plane. He wasn't sure.

He wished he could change so many things. His worries over if it was alright for him and Matt to date. That he could have talked with Matt about it. That he could talk with Matt about what happened between him and Greg. That Matt could have gone with him over to the terminal and set him off. So many things that he felt like his head was gonna explode.

The guys were already worried about him. At least Brian and Howie were. Brian had been able to tell something bothered him ever since they were kids, and it hadn't change as years had gone by. He was dead concern over Kevin, and he felt horrible about worrying Brian. Howie seemed just as worried, and he had an idea of the motive. He had probably talked with AJ. There was nothing AJ did that Howie didn't know about. They were as close as Brian and Nick were, and sometimes it scared him a little bit that he wasn't that close to anyone within the group. AJ seemed half pleased, but Kevin tried not to think about it. He knew AJ wasn't happy with him dating Matt, but he didn't care. He loved Matt and that was all that matter.

'Then why didn't you talk with him? Then why did you refuse to spend yesterday afternoon with him? Why were you so cold with him? If you say that's all that matters, then why you act like it doesn't?'

He didn't know. For the life of him, he didn't know.

The tour had barely started and Kevin was already feeling depressed about leaving. And the accusing look in Nick's face didn't help at all. He had probably already talked with either Kate or Matt himself and knew what had happened in the past couple of days, Kevin was sure of it. But he hadn't asked Kevin about it. Thanks God Nick hadn't, because Kevin didn't know what he would have answer him. And the last thing he needed was Nick telling him just how bad Matt was feeling or how hurt he was. Kevin didn't need to be reminded of what he had done. He didn't need to be reminded of the hurt look and the soft voice.