Spoonbending with Mr Nude

	Hugh and Stephen are sitting in a TV studio. There is 
	a table lamp. Hugh has an annoying accent.


Stephen		Now, Mr Nude, you claim ...

Hugh		That's right, I do claim, I do ...

Stephen		Yes, you claim to be able to bend spoons with
		psychic energy ...

Hugh		Psychic energy, yes, that is the method I have
		chosen, to bend spoons, yes.

Stephen		How long have you had this ability?

Hugh		How long, precisely, that's absolutely right.

Stephen		Well?

Hugh		Indeed, you are very sympathetic, thank you. It's
		very difficult when people are not sympathetic, but
		you are very sympathetic.

Stephen		Thank you.

Hugh		No, thank you.

Stephen		Can you do other things with spoons, apart from
		bend them?

Hugh		Yes of course I can. I can do anything with
		a spoon.

Stephen		Can you?

Hugh		Indeed I can. Give me a spoon, and I will give you
		the world.

Stephen		Well that's a very impressive claim, certainly.

Hugh		Thank you.

Stephen		That's alright. Well Mr Nude, we have some
		spoons here. Perhaps you'd care to give us a
		demonstration?

Hugh		I am not a circus freak, you know.

Stephen		I realise that.

Hugh		Some people think I am a freak. I am not a freak.

Stephen		Well I'm sure that nobody here ...

Hugh		"Freak!" They sometimes shout at me in the street.

Stephen		Do they really? That's awful.

Hugh		But you are very sympathetic.

Stephen		Thank you.

Hugh		Thank you.

Stephen		Would you care to have a go at bending this
		spoon for us?

Hugh		Thank you, yes I will bend this spoon.

Stephen		Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Nude is now going to
		bend this spoon using psychic energy.

Hugh		That's right, now is when I'm going to bend it.

Stephen		Go ahead, Mr Nude.

	Hugh quite plainly bends the spoon with his hands.

Hugh		Thank you very much, you are all very
		sympathetic.

Stephen		Well the spoon is certainly bent.

Hugh		Of course it is bent. Of course it is. I bent the
		spoon, so, of course it is bent.

Stephen		Yes, that much is clear and without argument.

Hugh		Forgive me, I am very tired now. To bend a
		spoon is very tiring, and I have bent too many
		spoons today.

Stephen		How many spoons have you bent today?

Hugh		Four spoons today. It is too much. I am not a
		freak, you know. I am a human being.

Stephen		Forgive me, Mr Nude ...

Hugh		Of course.

Stephen		Thank you.

Hugh		Thank you.

Stephen		But from where I was sitting, it looked rather as if
		you just bent the spoon with your hands.

Hugh		What are you saying?

Stephen		I'm saying that ...

Hugh		What is this?

Stephen		It's a bent spoon.

Hugh		There.

Stephen		Oh quite, the question is how did you bend it?

Hugh		I don't know how much I like you now.

Stephen		Well, I'm sorry.

Hugh		Before I thought you were very sympathetic ...

Stephen		Well I hope that ...

Hugh		But now, I think you are not so sympathetic. Now,
		I don't like you.

Stephen		I'm sorry to hear that.

Hugh		At all.

Stephen		Are you sure it isn't "fraud" that people shout at
		you in the street, rather than freak?

Hugh		It is you who make the claims. I have always been
		honest. I bend the spoons with psychic energy, I
		have told you. I never claimed to be able to bend
		them with my hands. That is your claim.

Stephen		And you did bend it with your hands.

Hugh		The spoon is bent, that is enough. Perhaps it does
		flow through my hands this psychic energy of
		which you claim. It may be. Certainly the spoon is
		bent. Therefore I bent it.

Stephen		I can bend a spoon with my hands too.

Hugh		I have never said that my powers are unique.
		Always have I striven to teach the world that
		anyone may bend a spoon. My book is not
		expensive.

	Stephen bends a spoon.

Stephen		There.

Hugh		To think I found you sympathetic. I hate you now.

Stephen		Well next week I shall be examining the claims of
		a man who says that in a previous existence he was
		Education Secretary Kenneth Baker and I shall
		be talking to a woman who claims she can make
		flowers grow just by planting seeds in soil and
		watering them. Until then, wait very quietly in your
		seats please. Goodnight.

Hugh		(Simultaneously) If viewers living in the Matlock
		and Buxton areas of Derbyshire would be so kind
		as to inspect their cutlery drawers at home they
		will find that they contain a bent spoon and an
		unused Weetabix special offer coupon. I can also
		reveal that everyone in the town of Datchett over
		the age of fourteen has a slight itch just above the
		right thigh which they are scratching as I speak.
		Thank you.