Hugh's Brain

	Enter Stephen, holding a human brain.


Stephen		Ladies and gentlemen, I wonder how many of
		you know what this is? Well most of you will know
		that it's a brain, a human brain, but can you guess
		whose brain it is? I should tell you first of all that
		for some time I've enjoyed a bit of a reputation
		as a practical joker, you see, and what I've done is
		this. While Hugh was asleep in his dressing room,
		I crept in and very carefully removed his brain,
		being sure not to wake him up. This is Hugh's
		brain. He'll be coming on in a second, let's see if
		he's noticed anything's amiss ...

	Enter Hugh, laughing cheerfully.

Hugh		Hahahaha.

Stephen		Hello, Hugh. What have you been up to?

Hugh		I've just been watching that Noel Edmonds show,
		it's so funny. Just brilliant. Completely brilliant.

Stephen		Ha. Are you feeling alright?

Hugh		Yeah, fine, fine.

Stephen		Good.

Hugh		And then I saw a bit of an interview with Kenneth
		Baker. That man is fantastic.

Stephen		Do you think so?

Hugh		Oh, he's wonderful. He's just what this country
		needs. He's firm, courageous, and his views on
		education are so enlightened, so sophisticated,
		so utterly enthralling. Well, he's an enthralling
		person, of course.

Stephen		(To audience) It's great, isn't it? We can see the
		difference, but poor old Hugh hasn't noticed a
		thing. (To Hugh) D'you recognise this?

Hugh		It's a cauliflower.

Stephen		Hahaha. A cauliflower. Hasn't he been a sport,
		ladies and gentlemen? So what are you going to
		do now?

Hugh		I thought I'd write a letter to "Points of View".

Stephen		Dear oh dear oh dear. Perhaps I've gone a bit far.

Stephen		Well I'll tell you this for free
		... (Pause)