Bank Loan

	Bank manager's office. Stephen sitting behind the desk.
	High enters, looking quite needlessly repellent, folders 
	and things tucked under his arm.


Stephen		(Rising) Mr Lully?

Hugh		That's right. Glad you could see me at such
		short notice.

Stephen		Not at all, come in, sit down. Coffee?

Hugh		Thank you.

Stephen		How do you like it?

Hugh		Decaffeinated, jug method, low mineral content
		filtered spring water, not quite brought to the boil
		with semi-skimmed milk and one Nutrasweet.
		Unstirred.

Stephen		Right. (Intercom) Mark?

Voice		(Intercom distort) Yes.

Stephen		Do we still have that chemistry set in the office?

Voice		(Intercom distort) 'Fraid not.

Stephen		Right, one coffee then please.

Voice		(Intercom distort) K.

Stephen		So, Mr Lully, you'd like a loan?

Hugh		That's pretty much the size of it.

Stephen		You mention in your letter that you're starting
		up a business and that you're interested in taking
		advantage of our new "Gredo" start-up package.

Hugh		That's correct.

Stephen		Yes, now first things first. What exactly is the
		product you're hoping to market.

Hugh		Ah, yes. Brought some samples along as a
		matter of fact.

	Hugh gets out two small sachets.

		Haven't actually settled on brand names yet. But
		there's basically two products. The blue sachet is
		cocaine and the red is heroin.

Stephen		I'm sorry?

Hugh		My own market research and some work
		undertaken by the packaging and graphics team
		has revealed that cocaine is thought of as a fresher,
		brighter product, hence the blue, and heroin is
		warmer and more passionate, therefore red. You
		disagree? I'd value your input.

Stephen		You're planning to distribute and sell drugs?

Hugh		On the button. The market's there, I'm ready to
		go, and let's face it - Europe's open for business.

Stephen		Ye-e-es.

Hugh		Problem?

Stephen		Possibly. Possibly.

Hugh		I know what you're going to say. It's a market
		that up until now has been hedged about with a
		lot of rules and regulations, and let me tell you
		this. When I first began to look at this market,
		I thought to myself, "hey, I'd be better off
		manufacturing red tape". Hahaha!

Stephen		Red tape, yes.

Hugh		But thank God, times are changing. Whole
		new markets are opening up, and I'm ready to
		play them.

Stephen		Right.

Hugh		The demand is there, no question.

Stephen		Uh huh.

Hugh		The most exciting thing for me is that it's such a
		young market.

Stephen		Really?

Hugh		Immensely young. Consumer profiling indicates
		the twelve to fifteen-year-old segment. And if we
		can instil in them product loyalty, that's got to be
		good news.

Stephen		Aha. But ... but ...

Hugh		I know what you're going to say. "Do they have
		the income?" right? Well, what I always say is, "if
		the product's right, they'll find the income." Their
		mother's handbags, car stereos, old age pensioners,
		wherever.

Stephen		Mmm. I meant, well ... I hesitate to use a word
		like this. I know it's old-fashioned. But do you
		think it's strictly moral?

Hugh		I beg your pardon?

Stephen		Is it moral?

Hugh		Moral?

Stephen		Yes.

Hugh		I'm not sure if I've actually got any precise figures
		on that ...

Stephen		Yes, I actually mean ... is it moral to do this at
		all? You know ... children and so on.

Hugh		Well. Let me turn the question round and ask you
		this. Would you rather we stood by and watched
		the Germans, the Dutch, the South Americans
		take our market share? Where's your precious
		morality then?

Stephen		Well ...

Hugh		Up a gum tree without a paddle, that's where it is.
		The question is this. Either you believe in market
		forces or you don't.

Stephen		Well actually, I'm afraid to say I don't.

Hugh		You don't?

Stephen		No. I used to of course, when I was a child, but
		like everyone else, I discovered as I grew older that
		it was all made up.

Hugh		Made up?

Stephen		Yes. I can still remember the exact moment. It
		was Christmas Eve. I can't have been more
		than about thirty years old. I couldn't sleep, so I
		crept downstairs and heard my parents laughing
		about market forces, and saying that they'd have
		to break it to me sooner or later. Bit of a blow,
		I can tell you. And then two years after that, I
		discovered there was no such thing as Father
		Christmas either.

Hugh		You're kidding?

Stephen		Oh sorry, did you ... ?

Hugh		Yes I did. Tscch.

Stephen		Oh dear.

Hugh		Growing up, eh?

Stephen		Well, you haven't paid
		me yet.