Ignorance

	Stephen and Hugh are having a chat in a setting yet to 
	be decided.


Stephen		Interested in politics at all?

Hugh		Interested?

Stephen		Yes.

Hugh		It's my hobby.

Stephen		Is it?

Hugh		Crikey yes. Politics? Oh yes. Of course it's mostly
		a weekend thing I'm afraid, but come Sunday, it's
		down the end of the garden and politics, politics,
		politics. In answer to your question, yes. I'm a
		bugger for politics.

Stephen		What do you think of Nigel Lawson?

Hugh		Nigel ...

Stephen		Lawson.

Hugh		Lawson, yes. (Long pause) What d'you think
		of him?

Stephen		He's a twerp.

Hugh		Oh, thank God for that. I thought he might have
		been a friend of yours or something. Yes, he's a
		twerp. What a twerp. Tscch.

Stephen		At least you know who he is.

Hugh		I don't actually, to be honest.

Stephen		You don't?

Hugh		Not who he is, no. I've always just thought of him
		as a twerp. Never bothered to look any deeper
		than that. It's the shortage of time.

Stephen		He's Chancellor of the Exchequer. Just.

Hugh		No. Is he? The old bastard. Nigel Lawson,
		the Chancellor of the Exchequer? What a
		twerp. Tscch.

Stephen		(To camera) Perhaps you can see what we're trying
		to do here. Hugh is trying to act the part of a man
		who doesn't know very much about politics. (To 
		Hugh) What do you think of Douglas Hurd?

Hugh		Douglas Hurd. Er ... pretty lukewarm about him,
		to be honest.

Stephen		Really?

Hugh		Yeah. Bit of a twerp. But ...

Stephen		(To camera) Hugh is pretending not to know who
		Douglas Hurd is.

Hugh		... you know, it takes all sorts to make a world.

Stephen		D'you think?

Hugh		Oh definitely.

Stephen		You don't think that with fewer twerps, you could
		make a better world?

Hugh		Oh you've got to keep the number of twerps down,
		yes. You can't let them run out of control.

Stephen		Tell me something. Did you vote at the last
		election?

Hugh		Oh they haven't banned them as well, have they?

Stephen		What?

Hugh		Was that the last election? Never going to be any
		more, ever again? Tscch! And I missed it.

Stephen		(To camera) I suppose what we're trying to say
		with this sketch is, can democracy really work
		as long as the people who vote are kept, or keep
		themselves, in ignorance of political affairs?

Hugh		Is that what we're trying to say?

Stephen		Yes.

Hugh		Blimey.

Stephen		Because let's face it, doesn't the constitution of
		the present government show, more clearly than
		a thousand pictures ever could, that the people of
		this country haven't the faintest idea who they're
		voting for?

Hugh		Are we trying to say that as well, with this sketch?

Stephen		Oh yes.

Hugh		Turning out to be quite an ambitious sketch, then?

Stephen		You've got to aim high in my view. So, you don't
		really know anything about Nigel Lawson or
		Douglas Hurd?

Hugh		No.

Stephen		So I think this has gone some way towards
		proving ...

Hugh		Mind you, I don't see why I should.

Stephen		Pardon?

Hugh		They don't know anything about me. Do they?

Stephen		Well ...

Hugh		I mean, you say I don't know anything about
		them, so how can I vote, but I say they don't know
		anything about me, so how can they vote ... to
		make laws about me?

Stephen		Mmm. That would be quite a good point, if it
		weren't so pathetic.

Hugh		Oh I see. We're not aiming that high, then? We
		don't want to say too much with this sketch?

Stephen		No.

Hugh		But there's so much more we could say.

Stephen		Perhaps, but I'm afraid that time, the old enemy
		has beaten us again, and we can only say that
		the pen of my aunt is bigger than the patio of
		my uncle.

Hugh		Huh. Quite a pen.

Stephen		Quite an aunt.

Stephen		On the bottom. Right on
		the bottom. Saying "Made In
		Korea". I don't know what made
		him say that.