Condom Quickie

	A chemist's counter: Hugh strides up to confront the 
	shop assistant.


Assistant	Can I help you?

Hugh		Yes please. I'd like eight packets of condoms, please.

Assistant	Eight?

Hugh		Eight. Four of them Fetherlite, three of them
		ribbed, (half sotto voce) the new single by Jason
		Donovan, (loud again) and one multi-coloured pack
		of Fiestas.

Assistant	Jason Donovan?

Hugh		That's right. Can you make sure they're all sensitol
		lubricated?

Stephen		Hoo, that's a tricky one. Er, dinner
		with Melvyn Bragg, cooked by
		Keith Floyd, followed by sex with
		Madonna, and then breakfast in
		bed, served by Chris Patten in a
		yellow jumpsuit.