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Weekly Jokes
Doctors proved that
laughing is very healthy, so read quick and make yourself feel good
So there is a
big celebration in Moscow, and Gorbachov (do you know him?) has an
address. And a big crowed listen to him.
And a man tells
to a lady (the man sits behind the lady): excuse me madam, would you be
so kind as to move a bit left, cos I cant see mister Gorbachov.
The lady does it.
Some minutes
later the man says again: pardon madam, could you move a bit right, cos
I cant see mister Gorbachov - the lady gets angry, but she does it.
Some minutes
later the man says again: excuse me madam, could you take off your hat,
cos I cant see mister Gorbachov.
The lady is very
angry now and she is saying: Want me to give you a telescope?!
Man: No thanks, I
have it on my rifle...
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Gorbachow,
Michael Jackson, Clinton, and Horn (he was the hungarian prime minister)
travel with a plane, and the pilot comes and says them: Gentlemen, the
plane will crash soon, you have to jump out, but there are only 3
parachutes on the plane.
Jackson says: Im
the biggest pop star in the World I must live. He takes the first
parachute and jump out.
Gorbachov says: I
am the brain of the World, I must live. He takes the second parachute
and jump out.
Horn says: Look
Mr. Clinton, I only have a small country, so you can jump out.
Clinton says: We
will both survive, because the brain of the World jump out with the fire
extinguisher...
The skinheads
tell to the gipsy: Hey gipsy, lets play a game here is a dice, you throw
and if it is 1 to 5 we will punch you.
The gipsy asks:
and if I throw 6?
The skinheads:
than you can throw again...
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A man goes to
the doctor's office, and say: Doctor, how long can I live?
The doctor says:
9.
The man say: 9?
Nine what? weeks? months? years?
The doctor says:
9,8,7,6,5.... |
So, little
bunny goes to the ice cream shop, and asks: Do you have carrot ice
cream?
The shopkeeper
says: no we don't have it. The next day bunny goes to the ice cream shop
again and asks: do you have carrot ice cream? Shopkeeper: No bunny, I
have already told you we don't have carrot ice cream. And if you ask it
again, I will put you onto the wall.
Next day bunny
goes to the ice cream shop and ask carrot ice cream again, and the
shopkeeper put him onto the wall. So bunny on the wall look around and
he notices Gorbachov's picture and he says: Did you also come for carrot
ice cream?!
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The
children are in the class and talking about "there is only one
mom".
The teacher ask
their student to tell a story to prove "there is only one
mom".
Tom says: I was
running yesterday evening and I cut my leg, my mom came and dressed it
and she comforted me. "There is only one mom".
Kate says:
Yesterday I was playing with my toys and the boys wanted to steal it,
but my mom came and protected me. "There is only one mom".
Johnny says: ha,
My mother told me to go to the cellar and bring her 3 bottle of beers. I
went down and shouted THERE is ONLY ONE, MOM... |
The
american, the russian and the gipsy go in the magic forest, they go, go
and they arrive to the magic pond. This pond is very famous, because if
one jump into it, and in the air shout a name of a drink, the pond's
water changes to the shouted drink.
The american run
and jump, he says in the air: WHISKY!
Half an hour
later he comes out and he is absolutely drunken!
The russian run
and jump, he says in the air: VODKA!
An hour later he
comes out and he is incredibly drunken!
So now the gipsy
thinks he also tries it.
He runs, runs and
runs, and stumbles in a stone and says: SHIT! |
The
bear and the bunny travel on the train and bunny don't have ticket.
The bunny gets
frighten because the ticket warden will come soon and asks bear to hide
him. The bear says to him to jump into his pocket.
The ticker warden
comes and he asks for the ticket and says: hey bear hasn't you seen
bunny?
Bear: No.
Warden: But I saw
him, what is in your pocket?
The bear hit a
big to his pocket and says: Oh its only his picture... |
The
bunny walks in the wood and arrives to the shore of the river.
He notices the
bear in the raspberry bushes and says: Hey bear, come across the river I
want to show you something great!
Bear says: Im
eating raspberry, don't insult me.
Bunny: Hey
bear, come across the river I want to show you something very, very
great! You will love it.
The bear goes to
the other shore and says: So what's up?
Bunny: Hey bear,
look those beautiful raspberry bushes on the other shore. |
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