Up to 20-Dec-92 I had a plan. Admittedly not a very good plan but I tried it none the less. I wanted to find out all of the secrets of magic, and I wanted to use that knowledge to build a world. Not just a pale shadow of Amber but something real and lasting. So I went to chaos and studied under Tarbek and Mandor. I pestered Fiona until she gave me a hint or two. I even tried to get in touch with Dworkin on the chance that he still lived. This taught me much, as did my own experiments, but still it was not enough. Much of the knowledge was useless or incomprehensible as it related only to Pattern or Logrus, talents I had neither time nor strength to learn. Then I met Randall, an accomplished sorcerer. Though we met in chaos his knowledge of Amber and Pattern far surpassed my own, as did his skill with Trump, Logrus and who knows how many other arcane powers. He was a man of great knowledge and greater secrets, saying nothing of his past.

Often I wondered of him. Who were his parents, his teachers, his life. He bears the blood of Amber, that I know for sure, but I cannot imagine one of such knowledge and power being of the younger generation. Of my aunts and uncles most I swiftly discounted, either through lack of talent or inclination or simply because I knew them. His was a psyche I had not met before. Bleys was the strongest candidate for a long time. I knew him to be alive but we had only met briefly. He was skilled in the arts and seldom seen in Amber. Now I am not so sure. If it were Bleys then I cannot fathom his actions at all, since without Bleys Amber could not have won. Now my suspicion turns to the lost Amberites, the Osrics, Dalts and Sands. Even those presumed as dead, Eric, Brand and Dierdrie, can not be beyond suspicion given Caine's sudden return from the grave. Caine himself I will meet some day, and then I will know if it were he. My greatest fear is that Oberon has once more shown his hand, either to test or coerce his brood. This discussion yields nothing. But if we ever meet I will know him. Once before I met him in his deepest disguise, a minor courtier amongst Prince Rinaldo's entourage. His magic, his very being like a signature in fiery script, even shifting could not hide him. Next time he will be more careful, but then so will I. Every chance acquaintance I scan for the telltale signs. Many is the shifter I have discovered, and though I do not search I wonder how I will feel should we meet again. I digress. Let us return to the tale.

His magic was a thing of beauty, far purer than the man himself. It was a thing like the pattern yet different, of descriptions and of frameworks. If it did not encompass, then it at least overlapped. But I was able to learn because it was a thing beyond sorcery and beside Pattern. Perhaps there is a greater depth that I have yet to fully understand, a secret which is the foundation of all that is real. Perhaps there is a thing with a nature like that of the Unicorn, or something deeper still. I do not know, and I fear the price to be paid for such secrets. For years he taught me, though only weeks passed in Amber, then at last I began to craft my world. Frequently I returned to study more, and always my mentor showed interest and gave encouragement. When the foundation was complete I beheld its fragile beauty a while before taking the branch of Ygg and planting it to mark the beginning and end. Then I added the people and the culture. Wizards, Healers, Dragons and Kings. Lastly, to make it real beyond a doubt, I wrought in secret to add sons and daughters of Amber to my world so that day by day it would strengthen. From Michel, Calvin, Julian and Gérard I took Elaine, Norden, Corfin and Basil. My wife gave me Helen and together we raised them. When they had grown I opened my shadow to the family and placed it in the path of my friends.

Alas while I was away my wife died falling from her horse. Later Calvin's other son Karek happened by and, choosing to stay, bought his wife Elisabeth and daughter Karina. Then began the end. A dark force sought for dominion over my world. Children of Amber came, death and blood close behind. I will not retell that tale. It is known widely enough and I have no desire to revisit the pain. When the last blow had been struck the Game was once more free, but no longer truly mine. Too many warriors of Amber have trodden the ground. So I go. Leaving behind my friends, my love, all I had fought so hard to protect. Those not truly of this place I have provided for, that they may travel freely. Michel has made trump for the children, a kindness for which I am grateful. The decisions now rest in their hands.

For myself, I will travel again. Perhaps this time I shall find peace. I hope that now I have gone my kin will trouble the Game no more. It's heart beats strongly and the magic flows free. After a troubled adolescence my son is grown, and fully as beautiful as my daughter. I will visit on occasion, leaving trust in the wards I have placed, but for now I will rest.

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